Baba’s Kitchen: Ukrainian Soul Food

Baba’s Kitchen

Ukrainian Soul Food

Table of Contents

Chapter One

Zup (Soup) 1

Borshch and other Ukrainian soups the traditional way, step by step. Meat and vegetarian versions. Includes clear shopping instructions: “Don't buy onion have green thing growing out from top. She busy making baby, not have time for you.” Baba reveals the soup behind the sudden death of her friend's abusive husband.

Baba's Ukrainian Borsch 1

Bismasnyy (Meatless) Borshch 4

Clear Bismasnyy Borshch 6

Smetana (Sour Cream) on Borshch 7

Chicken Soup 8

Soup with Vushka (Dumplings) 11

Beef Stock 12

Hanya's Vegetable Soup 15

Baba's Ukrainian Minestrone 17

Horokhivka (Pea Soup) 18

Simple Vegetarian Broth 21

Hrybivka (Mushroom Soup) 22

Soviet Soup 24

McCarthy Soup 24

Chapter Two
Salata (Salad) 25
Distinguish yourself from a Neanderthal, stop lawsuits for your biting dog, learn painless thong removal.

Baba's Original Garden Salata & Dressing 25

Baba's Dinner Salata 27

Buryak Salata (Beet Salad) 28

Buryak Salata v Krop (With Dill) 29

Buryak Salata v Peretz (Pepper Beet Salad) 30

An Introduction to Potato Salad 31

Most Basic Kartoplya (Potato Salad) 32

Siberian Kartoplya with Peas 33

Ukrainian-German Warm Kartoplya 35

Sophisticated Kartoplya 36

Roasted Vegetable Kartoplya 38

Creamed Vegetables 40

Kapusta Salata (Coleslaw) 41

Vegetable Sendvich 43

Chapter Three

Vegetable & Meat Dressing 45

The urgent romantic matter of a full fridge by your bed. Men don't leave at 3 a.m. Because they're scared of commitment. They leave because they're scared of the diet soda and lettuce leaf. Let Baba be your Mayonnaise Love Expert.

Plain Vinahret Dressing 45

Lemon Dressing 46

Smetana (Sour Cream) Dressing 46

Smetana v Khrin (Horse Radish) 48

Ukrainian Mayonnaise 48

Baba's Favorite Mayonnaise 49

Baba's High Octane Mayonnaise 50

Med v Mak (Honey Poppyseed) Dressing 53

Pidlyvi (Sauces) are in Chapter Twenty Two

Chapter Four
Nalysnyky i Mlyntsi (Crepes & Pancakes) 55
Childbirth Rituals: Bum stab a cowardly husband, tame an unruly placenta and introduce a baby to the world of love and mortgages.
Basic Nalysnyky (Crepes) 55

Buttermilk Nalysnyky 56

Linyvi (Lazy) Nalysnyky 56
Crepe Fillings:
Hryb (Mushroom) Filling 57

Savory Syr (Cottage Cheese) Filling 58

Sweet Syr Filling 58

Kapusta (Cabbage) Filling 59

Meat Filling 60

Pig Brain Filling 61

Orange Filling 62

Med (Honey) Filling 63

Apple Filling 63
Maslanitsya (Ukrainian Mardi Gras) 65
Haul the Butter Goddess around in a sleigh, light fires and throw stale pancakes at politicians.
Mlyntsi (Pancakes) 65

Hrechanyky (Buckwheat Pancakes) 67

Chapter Five

Baby Food 69

Chapter Six

Vesna: Ukrainian Spring Traditions 71

Easter and Spring Equinox traditions: Colored eggs, pussy willow spankings and a monster chained to a rock.

Shynka v Med (Honey Baked Ham) 74

Buryak i Khrin/Tsvikli (Beet & Horseradish Relish) 76

Other Easter foods are found throughout the book, for

example:

Chapter Seven

Yiytsy (Eggs) 79
Cope with passive-aggression (getting and giving), snake bite, Einstein, Overeaters Anonymous lapses, Presbyterian sex and reluctant bachelors.
Dilled Eggs 80

Deviled Eggs 80

Deviled Eggs II to Infinity 82

Deviled Eggs with Mushroom Caps 85

Eggs in Cream 86

Scrambled Eggs 89

Scrambled Eggs with Tomato and Onion 89

Scrambled Eggs with Bacon 90

Pickled Eggs 91

Perfect Plain Omelet 92

Mushroom and Cheese Omelet 94

Chapter Eight
Kurka (Chicken) 97
Avoid bleached blonde poisoning, learn how not to be a lame white person in New Orleans, order a black leather cardigan from the Black Leather Baba Catalogue.
Roast Kurka 97

Honey Lemon Garlic Roast Kurka 99

Kurka in Cream with Dill 100

Kotleta Po Kyivsky (Chicken Kyiv) 101

Kotleta Po Kyivsky New Orleans 104

Olenyicha (Venison) Winnipeg-Kyiv 105

Beef Donbass 105

Kotleta Po Kyivsky with Bacon and Asparagus 105

Fried Chicken in Cream 106

Chapter Nine
Masnyy (Meat) 109
Make Ukrainian Cocaine, learn a heartwarming Ukrainian folk song: My Mother Beat Me With a Birch Rod, tenderize meat under your saddle.
Huliash 109

Son of Huliash 110

Zayitz (Meat Loaf) 111

Plain Zayitz 111

Stuffed Zayitz 114

Bytky (Pounded Steak) 115

Ukrainian Pepper Steak 117

Garlic Xlib (Bread) 118

Garlic Croutons 119

Roast Beef 120

Shashlyk (Shishkebob)…………………………… 122
Chapter Ten
Sichenyky i Zrazy

(Meat Patties & Meat Balls) 127
Nude encounter groups, cooking with a fly swatter, why your meat balls are too small and JK Rowling is just plain wrong about Dobby.
Sichenyky (Meat Patties) 128

Zrazy (Ukrainian Meat Balls) 130

Zrazy v Khrin (Horseradish Stuffed Meat Balls) 131

Spinach (Vegetarian) Sichenyky 133

Chapter Eleven

Winter Solstice 137

Sviat Vechir, Koruksun, Rizdvo: Holy Eve, Day of the Dead, and Winter Solstice/Christmas traditions. Talking animals, hungry ancestors, golden sky horses and pudding on the ceiling. Menus for these holidays are referenced to other chapters. Also:

Hrustychky (Icicles or Sweet Nothings) 143

Kolach (Circle of Life Bread) 145

Sviat Vechir (Holy Eve) Clean up 149

Chapter Twelve
Hryb (Mushrooms) 151
Seduce and poison Nazis, the organic way. Baba is a mushroom picking expert!
Hrybova Pidlyva (Mushroom Sauce) 151

Easy Pickled Hryb 153

Hryb i Smetana (In Sour Cream) 154

Fried Hryb 156

Battered Hryb 156

Baked Hryb 157

Hryb Baked with Goat Cheese 158

Hryb Sichenyky (Patties) 159

Chapter Thirteen
Verenyky (Perogies) i Vushki (Dumplings) 163
Why the sexy, desperate women on your favorite TV shows are barking up the wrong dog. Lazy verenyky for your lazy self.
Verenyky 163

Syr (Cottage Cheese) Filling 163

Non-Dairy Dough 166

Kartoplya (Potato) Filling 167

Kapusta (Sauerkraut) Filling 168

Linyvi (Lazy) Verenyky 169

Linyvi Verenyky with Kartoplya Dough 170

Dessert Verenyky: Sliva (Plum) and Berry 171

Vushka (Ear Dumplings) 172

Hryb (Mushroom) Filling 174

Fish or Meat Filling 175

Chapter Fourteen
Holubtsi (Cabbage Rolls) 177
Sabotage hippies and nasty neighbors, be a Cadillac kozak, peel cabbage in a trailer park.
Bismasnyy (Meatless) Holubtsi 177

Hryb (Mushroom) 180

Kasha (Buckwheat) 181

Kasha i Syr (Cheese) 182

Kasha i Hryb (Mushrooms) 183

With Meat (or Vegetarian Ground Beef) 183

Linyvi (Lazy) Holubtsi 185

Chapter Fifteen
Syr (Cottage Cheese) 187
Baba Riddle: What's the difference between a cheese dumpling submerged in water, and a kid holding its breath?

Answer: Don't wait for the dumpling to turn blue. It won't. Hahahahahahahahaha.

Syr Dip 187

Syr Spread 188

Syr Halushky (Dumplings) 189

Crazy Gourmet Syr Halushky 190

Syrnychky (Cottage Cheese Patties) 191

Chapter Sixteen
Riba (Lake Fish) 193
Skinny dip with flair, catch trout with your bathing suit, allow men to be men---as long as they keep the massage oil flowing.
Baked Stuffed Riba 193

Alternate Rice Stuffing 196

Fried Riba 197

Crazy Mixed Up Riba Balls 198

Panfried Sole 200

Chapter Seventeen

Ocean Fish 203

Scurvy Dog Baba gets seduced by a pair of black eyebrows and lives to cook and love again.

Ukrainian Pirate Baked Ocean Fish 204

Pickled Whitefish 205

Oseledets (Pickled Herring) 206

Oseledets (Herring) Spread 208

Sardine Spread 209

Oseledets Salata (Herring Salad) 210

Chapter Eighteen
Pechenia (Stew) 213
In Ukraina we say, So long as there is cabbage and potato, house is not empty. Baba herself never seen house with only these thing. Is usually at least couch and television. But you never know.
Kalempetsya (Mushroom Stew) 213

Baba’s Ukrainian-Canadian Caribou Stew 216

Road Kill Stew 219

Carpathian-Canadian Lamb Stew 219

Kapusta i Horokh (Sauerkraut and Peas) 222
Chapter Nineteen
Kartoplyanky (Potatoes) 227
Ukrainian Cocaine, First aid for grated knuckles, permission to eat plenty of fat, what to feed annoying dinner drop ins.
Creamed Potatoes 227

Potatoes With Salo (Ukrainian Cocaine) 228

Oven-Fried Potatoes 229

Potato and Cheese Bake 230

Grated Potato Bake 231

Deruny (Potato Pancakes) 232

Chapter Twenty

Grains and Beans 235

The Ukrainian Bannia (Bath House): Spirits and rituals. Why a cold prickly hand on your rump is bad news in more ways than one. Incredible vegetarian dishes for around a dollar.

Kasha 236

Baked Kasha (Buckwheat) 237

Ukrainian Pilaf 239

Kasha Casserole 239

Kasha Sichenyky (Patties) 240

Kasha Loaf 241

Kutya (Sweet Grain Pudding) 242

Fasolia (White Bean Pate) 244

Kulesha (Corn Meal Pudding) 246

Fried Kulesha 247

Chapter Twenty One
Lokshyna (Egg Noodles) 249
Baba tears up a golf course on horse back, the Ukrainian origin of Constitutional freedoms, and the simplest noodle recipes ever.
Basic Lokshyna 250

Lokshyna and Spinach Casserole 252

Lokshyna v Syr (Cottage Cheese) 254

Lokshyna v Yiytsy (Eggs) 255

Baked Lokshyna v Syr 255

Lokshyna and Meat Casserole 256

Lokshyna and Kapusta (Cabbage) Casserole 258

Festive Lokshyna Ring 259

Fried Cooked Lokshyna (Snack or Garnish) 260

Egg Drop Noodles 261

Hrybok (Easy Omelet Noodles) 262

Chapter Twenty Two
Pidlyvi (Sauces) 265
Liven up dry mammoth, whole grains and parties.
Sliva (Plum) Sauce 265

Sliva Butter 265

Khrin I Smetana (Horse Radish) Pidlyva 268

Tartar Sauce 269

Kropova Pidlyva (Dill) 270

Smetana (Sour Cream) with Green Onion Sauce 271

Honey Onion Sauce 272

Chapter Twenty Three

Desserts 275

Part (1) Ivana Kupala: Summer Solstice Erotic Rituals. The village that bathes together, stays together. Sexy Ukrainian songs, talking trees and stalking the elusive fire flower.
Vyshnia (Cherry) Charlotte 277

Rohalyky (Almond Crescents) 278

Kozak Honey Mousse 280
Part (2) Non-traditional recipes for pie. Because who would believe a grandma book with no pie? And Baba is so good at making them.
Kozak Crab Apple Pie 281

Perfect Pie Crust 283

Crab Apple Pie (No Whisky) 285

Cherry, Apple, Raspberry Pie 286

Peach or Nectarine Pie 286

Saskatoon Pie 286

Gooseberry Pie 286

Blueberry Pie 287

Rhubarb Pie 287

Rhubarb with Berries Pie 287

Pumpkin Pie 288

Tasty Sugarless Pie 288

Part (3) Ahhhh. Back to traditional Ukrainian desserts. Drink of the gods, fermented honey cake, wild rose preserves on apple cake. Learn Baba's First Law of Thermal Underwear, essential to baking.
Uzvar (Fruit Stew) 288

Yabluchnyk (Apple Cake) 290

Rozha z Tzukhrom (Wild Rose Preserves) 292

Medivnyk (Honey Cake) 294

Medivnyk Muffins 296

Chocolate Medivnyk 297

Syrnyk (Cheesecake) 299

Perekladadanets (Coffee Cake) 302

Pampushky (Filled Doughnuts) 304

Chapter Twenty Four

Mak (Poppy Seed) 307

Baba runs afoul of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police with her opium (or is it?) poppy crop, then gets her man.

Mak Cookies 307

Mak Cake 309

Makivnyk (Roll) 312

Chapter Twenty Five
Ukrainsky Medytsyna (Medicine) 315
Deal with yeast infections, baldness, arthritis, colds, bruises, cracked nipples and PMS using common foods and plants.
Rose Hip Tea 315

Med (Honey) 316

Honey Lemon Tea 317

Arthritis Remedies 318

Facial Mask 318

Baldness Cure 319

More Honey Remedies 319

Babka (Plantain) 320

Malyna (Raspberry 322

PMS cure 323

Yeast Infection Cure 324

Heart to Heart Sample Chapter 329

Read from Raisa’s upcoming book on Animal Communication,

training and care.

Two Poems 345

Love Ukraine by Volodimir Sosiura 345
The Horsewoman of Chornobyl

by Raisa Stone 347

Bibliography 349
About Raisa 355

NB: When a food is Capitalized and Italicized in the text, it means the recipe is elsewhere in Baba’s Kitchen.