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Ulysses
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BLOOM: My beloved subjects, a new era is about to
dawn. I, Bloom, tell you verily it is even now at hand.
Yea, on the word of a Bloom, ye shall ere long enter into
the golden city which is to be, the new Bloomusalem in
the Nova Hibernia of the future.
(Thirtytwo workmen, wearing rosettes, from all the counties of
Ireland, under the guidance of Derwan the builder, construct the
new Bloomusalem. It is a colossal edifice with crystal roof, built in
the shape of a huge pork kidney, containing forty thousand
rooms. In the course of its extension several buildings and
monuments are demolished. Government offices are temporarily
transferred to railway sheds. Numerous houses are razed to the
ground. The inhabitants are lodged in barrels and boxes, all
marked in red with the letters: L. B. several paupers fill from a
ladder. A part of the walls of Dublin, crowded with loyal
sightseers, collapses.)
THE SIGHTSEERS: (Dying) Morituri te salutant. (They
die)
(A man in a brown macintosh springs up through a trapdoor.
He points an elongated finger at Bloom.)
THE MAN IN THE MACINTOSH: Don’t you
believe a word he says. That man is Leopold M’Intosh, the
notorious fireraiser. His real name is Higgins.
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BLOOM: Shoot him! Dog of a christian! So much for
M’Intosh!
(A cannonshot. The man in the macintosh disappears. Bloom
with his sceptre strikes down poppies. The instantaneous deaths of
many powerful enemies, graziers, members of parliament,
members of standing committees, are reported. Bloom’s bodyguard
distribute Maundy money, commemoration medals, loaves and
fishes, temperance badges, expensive Henry Clay cigars, free
cowbones for soup, rubber preservatives in sealed envelopes tied
with gold thread, butter scotch, pineapple rock, billets doux in
the form of cocked hats, readymade suits, porringers of toad in the
hole, bottles of Jeyes’ Fluid, purchase stamps, 40 days’
indulgences, spurious coins, dairyfed pork sausages, theatre passes,
season tickets available for all tramlines, coupons of the royal and
privileged Hungarian lottery, penny dinner counters, cheap
reprints of the World’s Twelve Worst Books: Froggy And Fritz
(politic), Care of the Baby (infantilic), 50 Meals for 7/6
(culinic), Was Jesus a Sun Myth? (historic), Expel that Pain
(medic), Infant’s Compendium of the Universe (cosmic), Let’s
All Chortle (hilaric), Canvasser’s Vade Mecum (journalic),
Loveletters of Mother Assistant (erotic), Who’s Who in Space
(astric), Songs that Reached Our Heart (melodic), Pennywise’s
Way to Wealth (parsimonic). A general rush and scramble.
Women press forward to touch the hem of Bloom’s robe. The
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Lady Gwendolen Dubedat bursts through the throng, leaps on his
horse and kisses him on both cheeks amid great acclamation. A
magnesium flashlight photograph is taken. Babes and sucklings
are held up.)
THE WOMEN: Little father! Little father!
THE BABES AND SUCKLINGS:
Clap clap hands till Poldy comes home,
Cakes in his pocket for Leo alone.
(Bloom, bending down, pokes Baby Boardman gently in the
stomach.)
BABY BOARDMAN: (Hiccups, curdled milk flowing from
his mouth) Hajajaja.
BLOOM: (Shaking hands with a blind stripling) My more
than Brother! (Placing his arms round the shoulders of an old
couple) Dear old friends! (He plays pussy fourcorners with
ragged boys and girls) Peep! Bopeep! (He wheels twins in a
perambulator) Ticktacktwo wouldyousetashoe? (He performs
juggler’s tricks, draws red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and
violet silk handkerchiefs from his mouth) Roygbiv. 32 feet per
second. (He consoles a widow) Absence makes the heart
grow younger. (He dances the Highland fling with grotesque
antics) Leg it, ye devils! (He kisses the bedsores of a palsied
veteran) Honourable wounds! (He trips up a fit policeman) U.
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p: up. U. p: up. (He whispers in the ear of a blushing waitress
and laughs kindly) Ah, naughty, naughty! (He eats a raw
turnip offered him by Maurice Butterly, farmer) Fine! Splendid!
(He refuses to accept three shillings offered him by Joseph Hynes,
journalist) My dear fellow, not at all! (He gives his coat to a
beggar) Please accept. (He takes part in a stomach race with
elderly male and female cripples) Come on, boys! Wriggle it,
girls!
THE CITIZEN: (Choked with emotion, brushes aside a
tear in his emerald muffler) May the good God bless him!
(The rams’ horns sound for silence. The standard of Zion is
hoisted.)
BLOOM: (Uncloaks impressively, revealing obesity, unrolls
a paper and reads solemnly) Aleph Beth Ghimel Daleth
Hagadah Tephilim Kosher Yom Kippur Hanukah
Roschaschana Beni Brith Bar Mitzvah Mazzoth
Askenazim Meshuggah Talith.
(An official translation is read by Jimmy Henry, assistant
town clerk.)
JIMMY HENRY: The Court of Conscience is now
open. His Most Catholic Majesty will now administer
open air justice. Free medical and legal advice, solution of
doubles and other problems. All cordially invited. Given at
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