comes up to something, a man
should press it more earnestly, they, however they begin, use a
strange contention of voice in every part, though the matter itself be never so flat, and end in that
manner as if they’d run themselves out of breath. Lastly, they have learned that among rhetoricians
there is some mention of laughter, and therefore they study to prick in a jest here and there; but, O
Venus! so void of wit and so little to the purpose that it may be truly called an ass’s playing on the
harp. And sometimes also they use somewhat of a sting, but so nevertheless that they rather tickle
than wound; nor do they ever more truly flatter than when they would seem to use the greatest
freedom of speech. Lastly, such is their whole action that a man would swear they had learned it
from our common tumblers, though yet they come short of them in every respect. However, they
are both so like that no man will dispute but that either these learned their rhetoric from them, or
they theirs from these. And yet they light on some that, when they hear them, conceive they hear
very Demosthenes and Ciceroes: of which sort chiefly are our merchants and women, whose ears
only they endeavor to please, because as to the first, if they stroke them handsomely, some part or
other of their ill-gotten goods is wont to fall to their share. And the women, though for many other
things they favor this order, this is not the least, that they commit to their breasts whatever discontents
they have against their husbands. And now, I conceive me, you see how much this kind of people
are beholding to me, that with their petty ceremonies, ridiculous trifles, and noise exercise a kind
of tyranny among mankind, believing themselves very Pauls and Anthonies.
But I willingly give over these stage-players that are such ingrateful dissemblers of the courtesies
I have done them and such impudent pretenders to religion which they haven’t. And now I have a
mind to give some small touches of princes and courts, of whom I am had in reverence, aboveboard
and, as it becomes gentlemen, frankly. And truly, if they had the least proportion of sound judgment,
what life were more unpleasant than theirs, or so much to be avoided? For whoever did but truly
weigh with himself how great a burden lies upon his shoulders that would truly discharge the duty
of a prince, he would not think it worth his while to make his way to a crown by perjury and
parricide. He would consider that he that takes a scepter in his hand should manage the public, not
his private, interest; study nothing but the common good; and not in the least go contrary to those
laws whereof himself is both the author and exactor: that he is to take an account of the good or
evil administration of all his magistrates and subordinate officers; that, though he is but one, all
men’s eyes are upon him, and in his power it is, either like a good planet to give life and safety to
mankind by his harmless influence, or like a fatal comet to send mischief and destruction; that the
vices of other men are not alike felt, nor so generally communicated; and that a prince stands in
that place that his least deviation from the rule of honesty and honor reaches farther than himself
and opens a gap to many men’s ruin. Besides, that the fortune of princes has many things attending
it that are but too apt to train them out of the way, as pleasure, liberty, flattery, excess; for which
cause he should the more diligently endeavor and set a watch over himself, lest perhaps he be led
aside and fail in his duty. Lastly, to say nothing of treasons, ill will, and such other mischiefs he’s
in jeopardy of, that that True King is over his head, who in a short time will call him to account for
every the least trespass, and that so much the more severely by how much more mighty was the
empire committed to his charge. These and the like if a prince should duly weigh, and weigh it he
would if he were wise, he would neither be able to sleep nor take any hearty repast.
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Desiderius Erasmus
In Praise of Folly
But now by my courtesy they leave all this care to the gods and are only taken up with themselves,
not admitting anyone to their ear but such as know how to speak pleasant things and not trouble
them with business. They believe they have discharged all the duty of a prince if they hunt every
day, keep a stable of fine horses, sell dignities and commanderies, and invent new ways of draining
the citizens’ purses and bringing it into their own exchequer; but under such dainty new-found
names that though the thing be most unjust in itself, it carries yet some face of equity; adding to
this some little sweetening that whatever happens, they may be secure of the common people. And
now suppose someone, such as they sometimes are, a man ignorant of laws, little less than an enemy
to the public good, and minding nothing but his own, given up to pleasure, a hater of learning,
liberty, and justice, studying nothing less than the public safety, but measuring everything by his
own will and profit; and then put on him a golden chain that declares the accord of all virtues linked
one to another; a crown set with diamonds, that should put him in mind how he ought to excel all
others in heroic virtues; besides a scepter, the emblem of justice and an untainted heart; and lastly,
a purple robe, a badge of that charity he owes the commonwealth. All which if a prince should
compare them with his own life, he would, I believe, be clearly ashamed of his bravery, and be
afraid lest some or other gibing expounder turn all this tragical furniture into a ridiculous
laughingstock.
And as to the court lords, what should I mention them? than most of whom though there be nothing
more indebted, more servile, more witless, more contemptible, yet they would seem as they were
the most excellent of all others. And yet in this only thing no men more modest, in that they are
contented to wear about them gold, jewels, purple, and those other marks of virtue and wisdom;
but for the study of the things themselves, they remit it to others, thinking it happiness enough for
them that they can call the king master, have learned the cringe a la mode, know when and where
to use those titles of Your Grace, My Lord, Your Magnificence; in a word that they are past all
shame and can flatter pleasantly. For these are the arts that speak a man truly noble and an exact
courtier. But if you look into their manner of life you’ll find them mere sots, as debauched as
Penelope’s wooers; you know the other part of the verse, which the echo will better tell you than
I can. They sleep till noon and have their mercenary Levite come to their bedside, where he chops
over his matins before they are half up. Then to breakfast, which is scarce done but dinner stays
for them. From thence they go to dice, tables, cards, or entertain themselves with jesters, fools,
gambols, and horse tricks. In the meantime they have one or two beverages, and then supper, and
after that a banquet, and ’twere well, by Jupiter, there were no more than one. And in this manner
do their hours, days, months, years, age slide away without the least irksomeness. Nay, I have
sometimes gone away many inches fatter, to see them speak big words; while each of the ladies
believes herself so much nearer to the gods by how much the longer train she trails after her; while
one nobleman edges out another, that he may get the nearer to Jupiter himself; and everyone of
them pleases himself the more by how much more massive is the chain he swags on his shoulders,
as if he meant to show his strength as well as his wealth.
Nor are princes by themselves in their manner of life, since popes, cardinals, and bishops have so
diligently followed their steps that they’ve almost got the start of them. For if any of them would
consider what their alb should put them in mind of, to wit a blameless life; what is meant by their
forked miters, whose each point is held in by the same knot, we’ll suppose it a perfect knowledge
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Desiderius Erasmus
In Praise of Folly