Microsoft Word Socialized Choices 31-12 pod docx

Socialized Choices - Labour Market Behaviour of Dutch Mothers  
94 
Gender attitude 
The ideal family life of mothers within this group is, without exception, to share 
paid and unpaid tasks equally with their partners. Furthermore, a large number of 
mothers within this group seem to practise their ideal, especially if their husbands 
work four days per week as well. These mothers realise their rather exceptional 
gender division of labour, and describe their partners as unmacho men, as 
gentlemen, or as caring fathers. The greatest contrast with the previous two 
groups is that for mothers in this group, it is certainly not a self-evident matter to 
take the lion’s share of the household work: “Preferably, I do nothing in the 
household.” (Cathy).  
They often have someone else in to clean the house. However, as in the 
previous groups, they do not consider men and women equal, and remaining 
inequalities are justified while referring to their character or else accepted 
because men and women are just not the same. 
“I am a bit ambivalent. I like to do it myself, because I think I give them more 
attention than he does and I help them more with homework, but I am not 
always happy with our situation either. He cooks once a week, but I need to 
say, ‘do you want to cook again today?’“ (Alice). 
“I was shocked how soon I found myself in those patterns, yet I do think it is a 
biological thing” (Diana).  
Moreover, if gender roles are reversed, these are emphasised and remarked 
upon.  Also within this group, the women have a greater responsibility for 
thinking about the organisation of the household, especially in relation to the task 
of care. The following quote from Juul illustrates how mothers perceive 
themselves and persist in taking on this responsibility.  
“And it’s not that I do more, but I feel more responsible. If I can’t care for the 
children, then I do not saddle him with it, but call a babysitter. If he can’t, I’ll 
do it as well, I call the babysitter, so I organise it. It is probably my 
character” (Juul). 
Like most mothers, Juul individualises her responsibility for the caring as well 
as for the household tasks, whereas in fact the large majority of Dutch women 
bear this responsibility. Wiesmann et al. (2010, p.351) demonstrate that “women 
generally bear most of the responsibility for the majority of domestic tasks, 
something which they often found tiring and stressful when combined with paid 
work.”  
Sometimes, balancing mothers discuss their discontent with their partners, but 
the narratives also reveal acquiescence with the situation.  
“For me, it would make a difference if Jan would collect them from school 
once a week, but he can’t make it” (Yvette).  

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Chapter 3 - A qualitative typology of Dutch mothers’ employment narratives 
95 
“It would be ideal if Eric got home somewhat earlier, but that is not going to 
happen” (Medina).  
Another finding in relation to their gender attitudes is that despite their wish 
to share paid and unpaid tasks equally with their partners, if mothers do succeed, 
they start to feel guilty towards their partner, and pursue gender-compensating 
strategies. Take Sophy, for example, who shares the unpaid tasks equally during 
the week, but then as a reward gives her partner the whole of Sunday off.  
Mothers who prefer a large part-time job are fairly critical about full-time 
homemakers. However, they also think that working full-time and being a mother 
at the same time is too demanding, and wonder how these mothers manage. They 
think they miss a lot of their children, and do not consider that fulfilling. Their 
remarks reveal a fine demarcation line between mothers with large part-time jobs 
and full-time working mothers. Although some contradictions in their narratives 
appear as well, rationalities have been put forward to justify their own choices, 
even though they are not consistent towards other women. For example, Cathy 
describes how she gave up her managerial position when her child arrived 
because, according to her, working less than 5 days a week was not possible at a 
certain management level. Yet, later she says she does not believe women who 
say they cannot work less than five days in their jobs.  
Early adult attitude towards motherhood 
For the mothers in this group, having children was not something that had always 
been taken for granted, and at least wasn’t a serious consideration before they 
turned thirty. Often they had children because they felt there was no option not to 
have them: their husband wanted to have children, people around them had 
children, or it felt like the last chance before their forties. Sometimes they felt that 
once they became a mother, their life would end, and this negative sentiment 
towards motherhood could also prevail into their thirties. Now they are mothers 
they actually enjoy it, but at the beginning they often had difficulties getting used 
to their new identity as a mum.  
“I hit the roof during my first pregnancy leave, I was bored to death “ 
(Annemiek).   
“I felt trapped, I wanted to give the stroller a huge push: Whaaah leave me 
alone!” (Sophy). 
Sometimes they worked three days for a while when their children were 
young, but often they found it boring, difficult and exhausting. Motherhood is 
experienced as fulfilling and great, but also as tiring and difficult. They would 
like to work less in the evenings, have more time to read a book, or to call friends.  

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