Viktor Frankl and Me
By Doug Nielsen, CSP, MSW, LCSW
Have you ever had an experience that
transformed you in an instant?
A conversation I had with Viktor Frankl in
January of 1997 did just that.
Viktor Frankl became an instant hero of mine in
the late 80s when I first read his amazing
experiences as a concentration camp survivor
from World War II in his book Man’s Search for
Meaning.
As a psychotherapist, I was riveted by his
testament of the power of the human spirit to
overcome even the most extreme circumstances
imaginable! His account stirred a dormant
longing in me--a longing to live free no matter
the situation--to live with courage, meaning and
love regardless of my circumstances.
That, however, was not my reality. Frankly, I
had lived much of my life shrouded by fear.
I wanted to meet Viktor personally. The perfect
opportunity was coming. It was 1995. The
Evolution of Psychotherapy, a conference held
every five years where all the gurus in the field
present, was being held in California. Guess who
was slated to speak at the conference? Yes, the
one and only Viktor Frankl. As it turned out, he
did not make it. I was deeply disappointed.
A couple of years passed, but my hope of
meeting and talking to Viktor had not dwindled.
To make a long story short, I decided that I
would call him and have a personal conversation.
I guess I was naive enough to believe that I
could find his phone number and talk to him.
Initially, I ran into roadblock after roadblock and
made no progress. I tried his publisher. I tried
his agent. I searched high and low all to no avail.
Then remarkably, I found his home number in an
international telephone directory.
I thought my heart would burst through my chest
as I mustered the confidence to call my hero.
Was it really his residence? Would he answer?
How would I leave a message? Would he hang
up and say please don’t bother me at home?
Scary, scary scary. I took several deep breaths
and dialed the number. All the while my heart
pounded faster with every ring. A warm greeting
in German was spoken. What should I say? “Ah,
ah, ah…Hi Viktor, this is Doug Nielsen from
Kaysville Utah in the USA.” I was about to hang
up for fear of rejection when the warm voice
continued, “Nice to meet you Doug, what can I
do for you?” I asked if he had a few moments
that we could talk. He replied, “Sure.”
I began asking questions about his experiences.
In summary, I asked him, “How did you take the
number 119104, (his concentration camp
number) a number that represented unspeakable
horror and sheer hell, and transform it into a
symbol of liberation, courage and love.” “How
did you come from an experience like that and
become a better person?” He replied, “Ultimately
it is a choice--a choice to love and serve others, a
choice to find meaning, a choice to have empathy
for my captors, a choice to find gratitude in hell,
a choice to find beauty, a choice even to find
humor. “ His response was absolutely amazing
and somewhat difficult to comprehend.
Later, as I thought about our conversation, it
occurred to me that Viktor refused to allow his
environment, circumstances, or other people
dictate who he was and what he did. He was not
a rat in a cage where stimulus and response
ruled his existence. His example taught that
when we get to the point of being sick and tired
of being sick and tired, we have a choice to
connect with the marrow of our soul--that part
that refuses to be captive, that part that refuses
to live a life of reaction. This is the place where
we choose freedom and growth, where we
choose our existence in this moment, where we
choose who we will be. Ultimately, we have a
choice to live from a place of internal liberation
where fear is replaced with courage and love.
We spoke approximately thirty minutes regarding
his book, Mans Search for Meaning, his
experiences in the death camps, and the impact
of his work on my life personally, as a therapist,
and as speaker. He shared this insight, “It’s
important to realize that pain is relative and real
for each person. You can’t compare your
experiences and pain with mine or anyone
else’s—it’s all relative.”
He continued, “There comes a time in life when
you must force yourself to stop entertaining the
trivial (the things you can’t control) and focus on
the significant (the things you can control)
namely yourself.”
Perhaps the most important and intriguing
question I asked him was, “Now that you have
lived a full life, would you change anything about
your philosophy and life’s work, or do you think
you nailed it?” He replied, “Yes, I believe the
principles I have taught hold fast.”
The most empowering and humbling thing he
said was, “I feel I
can go to the grave knowing
that the torch of my work has been passed onto
great people like you who will keep the flame
alive.”
Hearing him say these words struck me to the
core and was the most powerful thing he could
have said. It was as if he was bestowing a
portion of his spirit on me to keep his work alive.
What a great privilege and honor.
Since that wintery day in January, rarely has
there been a day that I have not personally
reminded myself to live from that place of
freedom and meaning. Daily, I share his message
of growth; ownership, empathy, choice, meaning,
gratitude, love, humor and beauty with others.
It would have been so easy for Viktor to come
out of his experience with a vengeful message
full of anger, bitterness, and hate, but HE CHOSE
NOT TO. HE CHOSE NOT TO. Instead, he chose to
become a better person because of it.
He lived what he preached. He was gracious, kind
and courageous. He defined what success is.
Success is the influence and impact that you
have on others. Success is the difference you
make for good in this world. At the core, Viktor’s
message is that the human spirit of greatness is
greater than our circumstances. Indeed,
regardless of our circumstances, we can choose
to live freely with a heart filled with love.
Regardless of our environment, circumstances, or
other people we can choose our response. We
are free.
Like dormant seeds needing the right
temperature, sunlight and water to spring forth,
in that instant my soul was nourished and
expanded in a way that I really can’t describe. I
knew I would never be quite the same.
I endeavor to honor his spirit each time I am
blessed to speak to an audience. As a result,
Viktor’s message has been shared with thousands
of people from all over the world. I remain
faithful in carrying his torch and making this
world just a little bit brighter because of a
conversation that instantly transformed my life
back in January of 1997!
Copyright ©2012 Doug Nielsen
Doug Nielsen is a professional speaker, trainer,
coach, and psychotherapist with over 17 years
experience in aligning people with performance
through personal
ownership. He is also
author of the recently
released book, Take Life
By The Helm: Proven
Strategies For Gaining
Immediate Control. To
talk with Doug further
about gaining the
Ownership Advantage for
your organization contact
him at 801-391-4356 or
doug@dougspeaks.com