Microsoft Word Elisabeth Kubler-Ross On Death And Dying doc

MOTHER: Oh, no, they used to quarrel all the time and she would quarrel and then she used to say, 
"Oh, I just hope that this will make it easier." They still quarrel a little bit, but I don't think that they 
quarrel any more than any other and they never hated each other, but (chuckles) they have been real 
nice to children. 
 
STUDENT: How do they feel about it themselves? 
 
MOTHER: Oh, they purposely don't baby her. They treat her just like they did before. That is good 
because it doesn't make her feel sorry for herself and they talk back to her a little bit and so forth. If 
they have other things to do well they tell her, "I'm not coming to see you this Saturday, I'll be 
down during the week instead. You understand me, don't you?" And she'd say, "Yeah, have fun." 
And she'll go along with the idea and each time they come they know that she probably won't be 
coming home, you know. So they realize and we leave word where we can be reached and get in 
touch with one another. 
 
DOCTOR: Do you talk with your other children about this possible outcome? 
 
MOTHER: Oh, yes. 
 
DOCTOR: You talk about it open and frankly? 
 
MOTHER: Yes, we do. We have been sort of a religious family. We have devotions every morning, 
pray before they go to school and I think this has been a great help to them because as a family, 
especially with teen-agers they've always got some 
 
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place to go, something to do and we can't seem to get together to sit down and talk over problems 
and things like that, but they will take this time each morning and bring in family problems. We get 
things ironed out in these ten or fifteen minutes each morning and it brings us all together. We have 
talked about it quite a bit and in fact our daughter has made arrangements for her own funeral 
already. 
 
DOCTOR: Do you want to tell us about that? 
 
MOTHER: Yes, we talked about it. There was a little baby born in our community-in our church, in 
fact, who is blind. I think she's about six months old and one day my daughter up in the old hospital 
said, "Mother, I'd like to give my eyes to her when I die." And I said, "Well, we'll see what we can 
do about that, I don't know if they would take them." I said, "You know we really should talk about 
things like that, all of us should, because we never know when Daddy and I may be on the road and 
something may happen to us and you children will be left alone." And she said, "Yes, we should 
have all these things agreed upon." And she said, "Let's you and I now make it easy for the others. 
We'll write down what we would like to have done and we'll ask them what they would like to have 
done." So she made it easy for me and she said, "I'll start and then you tell me." So I just jotted 
down things that she told me and it made it much easier. But she always does try to make things 
easy for people. 
 

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STUDENT: Did you have any suspicion at all before you were told that it might be an incurable 
illness? You said your husband had been with you all the other times, this particular time you 
happened to be alone. Was there any particular reason why he wasn't there? 
 
MOTHER: I try to go to the hospital as much as I can and he was ill. And he has more free time 
than I ordinarily would. So he was with me most of the time. 
 
STUDENT: Your daughter told us he had been a missionary in S. and you're very active in church 
work. This was part of the reason for the deep religious background. What was the nature of his 
missionary work? Why isn't he still in it? 
 
MOTHER: Well, he was a Mormon. And they always paid all his 
 
funds, paid all his benefits and everything, and so when we were first married, I went along to 
church for about a year. Then he started going with me and for seventeen years he went every 
Sunday with me and the children. About four or five years ago he joined our church and has been a 
worker has been in it all that time. 
 
STUDENT: I was wondering since your daughter does have a disease for which the cause and cure 
are not known, if you've never felt kind of an irrational feeling of guilt? 
 
MOTHER: Yes, we have. Many times we've probed into the fact that I never have given them 
vitamins. My family doctor kept saying they didn't need it and I kept saying maybe they have, have 
been taking them, and then I tried to pin it down to all kinds of things. She had an accident back 
East. They say that could cause it because of the bone. They say any injury to the bone can cause 
this. But the doctors here say, "No, it would not-it had to be within a few months before." She has 
had a great deal of pain but she bears up under it so well. No, we always pray "Thy will be done" 
and we feel that if he wants to take her, he will and if not he'll perform a miracle. But we've almost 
half given up for a miracle, but they say never give up. We know that the best will be done. And we 
have asked her-this is another thing. They told us never to tell her. She had a great deal of growing 
up to do this last year. She's been in with all kinds of women, one who tried to commit suicide, and 
women who talked about their problems with their husbands and having babies. There isn't a thing 
she doesn't know and people she hasn't come in contact with. And she's had a great deal to put up 
with. The one thing she does not like is people trying to hide things from her. She wants to know 
about everything. So we told her. We talked it over and then when she was so terribly sick last 
week and we thought that this was the end. The doctor was telling us in the hall about this and she 
immediately asked, "What did he say, am I going to die now?" And I said, "Well, we're not sure. 
He said you're very bad." And so she said, "Well, what does he want to give me?" I never did tell 
her what, I said, "It's a painkiller." She said, "Is it dope, I don't want any dope." I said, "It 
 
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would help your pain." And she said, "No, I would rather suffer through. I don't want to become a 
dope addict." I said, "You won't." And she said, "Mother, I'm just amazed at you." And she never 
did give up, just always keeps on hoping that she will get well. 
 

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