The Sato Series, Episode 3: a new Frontier

Joely had faced the toughest decision of her career, then, because so many POW’s opted out of Starfleet, taking pensions and starting new lives. Kate would have continued to let Joely live with her, and the temptation was strong. Setting down roots was something she’d never contemplated, though, and ultimately, she went back to space. She and Kate saw each other rarely, but Joely figured that was the best thing, anyway. She knew she had to be a source of utter confusion for Kate, who had considered herself strictly heterosexual her entire life. Neither woman had any idea how in God’s name they ended up being lovers, and they had never discussed it. It simply happened, and kept happening, until Joely left to rejoin an active crew.
Joely didn’t know if it was the thirty year age difference between them, or the gender issue, or both that kept Kate silent on the subject. Joely had mused to herself on more than one occasion that Kate hadn’t realized Joely was a woman at all, since the younger doctor was so frequently mistaken for a man. They had never stuck a label on their relationship, never said “I love you”, and never once admitted what was happening. It was as though two friends simply had sex from time to time, without any expectations or acknowledgment of the fact. And Joely still thought of Kate as heterosexual, and so did Kate.
Until Kieran’s promotion ceremony. When Kate came aboard the Sato, she sought Joely out almost immediately, and for the duration of Kate’s stay, they interacted as though they were a couple. Joely discovered she liked that dynamic, except for the fact that Kate had never told a soul, not even Kieran or Amanda, that she had taken a female lover. Surely, if anyone could accept it, Kieran could, and yet Kate stayed mute. And Joely had no idea what that meant, or where she stood, and she was afraid to ask. Yet knowing Kate had retired from active duty opened the door for them to be together, if they wanted, without the obstacle of their careers getting in the way.
Joely studied her own rugged countenance in the reflection before her. Tell her, Jay. You know you want to. Ask her to come live with you. What’s the worst that could happen? She says no? And then what’s really changed? Nothing except the confusion and questioning ends, finally. And maybe—just maybe—she’s wishing you would ask.
Joely nodded resolutely before she turned to head for the transporter room. She thought better of it and detoured to the arboretum, where she gathered an enormous bouquet of flowers—lisianthus, orchids, roses, and Bajoran fe’deth flowers, all pale pinks and oranges and lavenders mixed with the white of the lisianthus. Before she could lose her nerve, she jogged to the transporter room and beamed down to San Francisco.
Kate Pulaski opened the door of her home, unable to suppress the grin that spread across her face. “Flowers,” she chuckled.
Joely peeked over the blossoms, smiling sheepishly. “Cliché, huh?” she asked, sweeping past the older woman.
Kate started to pop of with some wise assed remark, but she thought better of it. “No,” she decided, taking the bouquet from Joely’s large and powerful hands. “It’s actually quite—thoughtful,” she murmured, closing the door behind them. “I’ll just put them in water,” she added, sailing into her kitchen.
Joely never ceased to be surprised by Kate’s house, which unlike the doctor herself was so cheerful. The kitchen was done up in splashes of yellow and china blue tile, with lush plants adorning the pot shelves and shiny, copper bottomed pans hanging neatly from a pull-down rack over the stove. Outside the kitchen window there was a window box, always brimming with colorful marigolds, petunias, black-eyed susans. It verified what Joely had always suspected about Kate. Beneath the crusty exterior, there was a soft-hearted woman who enjoyed simple elegance and beauty.
Joely followed her, suddenly self-conscious. The bouquet was the first time either woman had done anything even vaguely romantic or obvious. As soon as Kate had deposited the flowers in a vase, Joely gathered her into strong arms, much as she had gathered each slender stem of the bouquet. “Merry Christmas,” she said quietly, dipping her face to kiss Kate soundly.
When they parted again, Kate was gazing up at her, a questioning expression on her face. “Dinner’s almost ready,” she advised, suddenly uncomfortable. “What’s that look for?” she asked, noting Joely’s pensive demeanor.
Joely Winfield had an intimidating stature, to say the least, yet there was a gentleness about her that belied her strength. She, like Kate, could be gruff and abrupt, but everyone who knew her knew it was a defense mechanism. Underneath the muscle and cool exterior, Joely was kind and even sensitive. She hesitated, but Kate was not going to let the question go. She sighed. “Kate,” she said seriously, “what’s going on with us?” she asked.
Kate feigned ignorance. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she replied, turning away as if to put dinner on the table.
Joely stopped her, turning the older woman around. “Damn it, don’t play stupid,” she insisted. “You know what I mean. This,” she motioned back and forth between them. “What does this mean to you?”
Kate studied her lover, shaking her head. She was not going out on that limb alone. “You tell me, Doctor Winfield. Because I haven’t got a clue. This is your home court,” she decided. “I’m on totally foreign ground here.”
Joely took her hand and led her to the sofa. “What do you want it to be, Kate?”
Kate squeezed her hand, bewildered. “I don’t know, truthfully. I don’t let myself think about it. I don’t analyze it. It just—is.” She launched herself back off the couch and went to the bar. “I need a drink. What are you having?” she asked her guest.
“Scotch, neat,” Joely replied. She watched the older woman working, wondering what went on in her head. The next thing she knew, she was standing behind the bar, not remembering how she got there, distracting Kate from the task of playing bartender. “Come live with me,” she said in a voice that was barely audible. “You have nothing holding you here, no reason not to come aboard the Sato. You know Kieran would bend over backward to accommodate you. And I—” she faltered, afraid of what she was about to put out on the table.
Kate was riveted to the spot. Joely looked more frightened than she had the first time she’d done surgery with Kate supervising her. “You what?” Kate asked persuasively, searching Joely’s eyes.
Joely swallowed her fear and took a stabilizing breath. “I love you. I want to be with you,” she replied, her tone retreating, almost apologetic.
The words hung in the air like fog, thick and replete with vulnerability. Kate Pulaski couldn’t remember the last time someone told her that. No, wait, yes I do. It was Kieran. Good God, what would she think of this? “I’m old enough to be your mother, Joely,” she said matter-of-factly. “Women my age learn to knit and bake cookies,” she laughed derisively.
“Women your age,” Joely replied tartly, “do all the same things women my age do.”
“Oh? So the women your age create scandal? Because that’s what this would be, Jay. No matter what I feel for you, the truth is, I’m embarrassed,” she explained, touching the larger woman’s face. “What would everyone say?”
“I don’t know—maybe, hey, there goes Kate and Joely, isn’t that great that they found each other?” Joely sighed, kissing Kate’s forehead. “I’m not embarrassed, and I don’t understand why you would be, either,” she argued impatiently. “And you’ve never given two shits your whole life what people think of you,” she added forcefully.
“And you think I’m too old to start?” Kate shot back, grinning facetiously. “I was a Lieutenant when you were still in diapers. What in God’s name do you want with a scrawny old bird like me when you could have some sweet young thing?”
Joely ignored the self-deprecating remark. “Is it the gay thing that has you embarrassed?” she demanded, feeling hurt at the mere suggestion.
Kate snorted indignantly. “Hardly. It’s the age thing. Joely, can you imagine if we went walking the corridors of your ship, the looks we would get? Everyone would treat it like a big joke. Like they treated Amanda and Randy’s marriage. No one took it seriously except Amanda, and everyone felt sorry for her, especially when Randy left her,” she replied, getting up a head of steam.
“And do you think I could ever be like Randy Carlson? That bastard would do anything to advance his career, and poor Amanda got caught in the sights of his ambition,” Joely protested. “I don’t have an ulterior motive, here,” she asserted vehemently. “And no one could think for a second that I do—they wouldn’t be able to even vaguely concoct one,” she argued.
“No one would believe you love me, either. Hell, I don’t believe it,” Kate decided, trying to pull free of the doctor’s grasp.
Joely’s eyes registered hurt. “Do you think I would have said it if I didn’t feel it?” she asked. “Kate, come on. Do you know how seldom I’ve used those words in my life?”
“As a matter of fact, too seldom,” Kate replied in a scolding tone. “But that doesn’t mean I’m the appropriate recipient, Jay,” she said, softening her voice. “There must be a hundred women on your ship who would jump at the chance to settle in with you,” she added consolingly, the sharpness of her blue eyes not entirely concealing the twinge of jealousy that came at the thought.
Joely slid her arms around the smaller woman’s shoulders. “I don’t want someone else,” she said sadly, knowing she was losing this argument. She slumped against the bar counter, face a mask of pain and anguish. “I always told myself that if it weren’t for our careers, we’d be together. I always believed that.”
“And I’ve been content to let it be whatever it wanted to be,” Kate replied. “I never felt the need to change things, or push for more. Why do you have to start now?” she asked plantively, hardly able to bear the distress in Joely’s countenance.
Joely’s heart ached. How could she make her understand? “It’s the context I am coming from,” she replied. “In my world, relationships don’t just exist in limbo, they progress or they die, but they do it with definitive flair,” she tried for some levity. “Lesbians need labels, because in so many ways, we are still disenfranchised from the larger society we live in. Oh, people don’t point and stare, or judge so much, but there’s still that feeling that we’re different, somehow. Labels are part and parcel of fitting in, of being accepted into the broader framework.” She watched Kate’s face, gauging her reaction. “Why do you think so many of the lesbians you know have charged head first into marriage? Every lesbian knows that those legal and spiritual ties are critical for social validity,” she laid out the details.

“Well, then, that’s why I don’t get it,” Kate returned. “I’m not a lesbian. I just happened to get involved with a woman. And I could just as easily get involved with a man tomorrow,” she added, sounding more defiant than she intended.

Joely started as if she’d been hit with a phaser blast. That had never even crossed her mind. “You—could?” she asked, dangerously close to losing her composure entirely. She could not recall the last time she had cried, but the impulse was threatening.
“I’ve been married one or two times,” Kate said sarcastically. She was stunned to realize Joely had tears in her eyes. Kate had seen her through several years of reliving her POW captivity in therapy, the post-traumatic stress disorder that Joely had gone through, and yet in all of the turmoil, never once had Joely Winfield shed a tear.
Kate had prided herself on her own stoicism, but the sight of Joely actually crying melted some of the glacial ice encasing her heart. “I am not going to marry some man, Jay,” she amended, cupping the Commander’s cheek. “But I’m not sure how I feel about making this relationship public, either.”
Joely’s eyes hardened. “Yeah, you’ve gone to pretty extreme lengths to hide it. I’d hate for all that secrecy to go to waste,” she snapped, turning away.
Kate let the cutting words register, and accepted the truth of them. Only she hadn’t known Joely had been bitter about the way Kate had excluded her from her public life. That’s not true, Kate, you knew, a little voice echoed in her head. That weekend of Kieran’s pool party, back before Kit was even a Cadet, Joely wanted to go to that party with you. And you refused. She was about to join the Sato, to leave for good, and you denied her that one little bit of acknowledgement. Because you were angry she was leaving. And you never told her not to go, never once discouraged her, or told her what you wanted. You just pretended it didn’t matter, and you shut her out, like you always have.
Kate let the parade of memories filter through her head, remembering every time Joely had tried to make herself part of Kate’s social life, and all the times Kate had slighted her. She was good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to commit to. At least, that was probably the message Joely had heard all those years. Is that what it was about?
Joely had gone back to the sofa, thrown herself down on it, and sat there with her chin in her hand, looking miserable.
“I don’t know why I needed that secrecy,” Kate offered. “I always felt like my privacy was most important to me. I’m sorry I’ve hurt you by excluding you,” she said sincerely, joining the younger woman on the couch. “Please forgive me for that,” she requested.
Joely gave her an inscrutable look. “I always thought you were ashamed of us—of me. Or that you weren’t willing to admit what this is,” she indicated their relationship. “But the fact is, Kate, it’s neither of those things. You don’t want anyone to know you have a heart, plain and simple. Kieran, Amanda, Kathryn—you want to maintain this unfeeling, unreachable façade with them. Have you ever told a single one of them that you love them?”
Kate’s heart clutched in her chest. “Probably not,” she admitted. “But they know I do. Just the same as you know I do you,” she defended herself.
“Most likely they don’t know, then,” Joely retorted. “Most people aren’t arrogant or secure enough to presume what they’ve never been told outright. And that’s a damned shame, because they have been steadfast and loyal friends to you. You could have told any one of them at any time about us, and they would have supported you and welcomed me. But you kept me separate from them, and you held yourself at arm’s length. I’m asking you to stop it,” she pleaded. “Come and live with me, and make that connection with Kieran and Kathryn, with their families. Stop holding yourself at a distance. They all love you, but you won’t really let them. Especially Naomi and Kit,” she contended. “You could have such close ties to both of them, but it’s like—like you hit your capacity for emotion after you let Kieran and Kathryn and Amanda get inside your perimeter shielding,” she said analytically.
Kate smirked. “Look who’s talking about defenses,” she accused. Joely’s expression went blank. “Don’t give me that innocent look, Joely Winfield. Kieran told me she’s been trying to reach you for months, to get you to open up to her, and you stoutly refuse. How many times has she invited you to go for a drink?” she asked in a needling tone.
Joely scowled. “I don’t know. Once or twice.”
Kate threw back her head and laughed. “She told me she’s asked twelve times. Twelve, Commander.” Kate scrutinized her closely. “Maybe if you’d made the connections yourself, I’d have been more comfortable with us. It would be a lot easier to tell Kieran about you and I if I knew she had a friendship with both of us, and not just me. So don’t pride yourself on your stellar social skills, because you are just as taciturn as I am.”
Joely let the truth of the accusation sink in. “Okay. You’re right. I do push people away. But I don’t do that with you. And I’m asking you to help me stop doing it with everyone else, and let me help you, too,” she reasoned. “Don’t you miss this? Being together? When I lived here, we never argued, we always laughed and even when I was torn up in my therapy, we were good together. I miss us, when we’re apart, and it’s needless,” she pleaded.
Kate threw back her Wild Turkey, considering. “I’ll think about it, okay? But Jay, you know if I come aboard the ship I will have to go back to active duty. I won’t be able to sit around our quarters all day with nothing to do while you’re off running the medical center. And that means we’d be working together.”
Joely thought about it. “You could do part-time work, and you could specialize—pediatrics, or OB-GYN, or Xenomed—whatever suits you. I am busy doing the administrative things and being senior staff, and we wouldn’t get sick of each other. I promise. Shit, Kate, for that matter you could sign on as Kieran’s personal physician. With her health issues, Starfleet would never second guess it. And think of all the people you’d get to see every day. You used to talk about Kit and Emily and Robin all the time,” Joely reminded her. “Now you’re lucky to see them once every couple of years. Bounce it off them, see if they don’t adore the idea,” she challenged her.
Kate let the concept solidify in her mind. She was bored, she had to admit, and puttering around her house had lost its appeal entirely. Most of her friends were busy with their careers, and her days were fairly empty. Besides, Amanda was her only truly close friend, and barely had time for a weekly card game. “Can we table this discussion and have dinner?” she asked, hoping Joely would give her space and time to think it over. “I’m not saying no,” she added, touching Joely’s cheek.
“Okay,” Joely acquiesced, leaning in to kiss the older woman softly. “But don’t think I’m going to forget, either,” she warned.
Kate kissed her back, preoccupied with the prospect of all that Joely offered. “Jay,” she said quietly, taking the woman’s reprimand to heart, “I do love you. Please believe that,” she asserted, kissing her warmly. Dinner was forgotten again, and the women didn’t remember it until much, much later.

________________

The Janeways, Thompsons, and Wildwomen journeyed to Florida on Thursday, while Jenny took her wives and Ro Laren to Michigan to visit her family. Kathryn had yet to receive the grand tour of the Everglades and the manatee preserve, and she was almost as excited as Geejay and Katie. Cassidy and Cameron showed them the area, explaining all the technical information that Kathryn asked about, and then took them all swimming in the preserve. Seven accompanied them with the manatees, as did Kieran, who wanted an extra set of eyes watching the younger girls.
Geejay thought that Babar the manatee was the most hilarious thing she had ever seen, and they became fast friends. Babar took her down to the bottom of the murky waters, letting her hold his flippers and spinning around underwater. Geejay was so delighted she almost forgot to use her rebreather, but Kathryn and Kieran stuck close to her. Cassidy and Cameron introduced Katie to Bessie, Babar’s female companion, and easily three hundred pounds larger than the boy.
Kathryn understood immediately why Seven and Naomi had been so enchanted when Kieran had taken them to the Thompson’s, and she was happy to finally be part of that experience. Kieran even took Hannah in the water, and let her touch the manatees. Hannah was not quite two, but already a big fan of water, and a bigger fan of the corpulent grey beasts that lived there. She giggled and splashed at Bessie, who stuck her whiskered face right up against Hannah’s leg, making her squeal with delight. Kieran just laughed at them, smiling at Kathryn.
“Kat,” Kieran said warmly, “your turn to do the dance of the mermaid,” she announced. “Cam, can you take her?” she lifted Hannah up to Cameron, who wrapped Hannah in a towel. “Okay, Captain, rebreather in, and meet Bessie on the bottom,” she instructed, giving Bessie a hand signal to dive.
Kathryn flipped gracefully and swam into the murky bottom of the preserve, where Bessie was waiting. Bessie let the slender woman hold onto her flippers, using her tail fluke to spin them in the depths of the cold ocean water. Kathryn was fascinated by the size and gentleness of the creature, by her apparent comprehension of what she was expected to do. Kieran joined them, watching her two friends interact, and as Kathryn let go, Bessie nuzzled Kieran’s mask, as if to kiss her face. Kathryn laughed, almost sucking in water, but then the moment made her sober. Kieran could communicate with anything, it seemed, and forge relationships with anyone, from unreachable types like Ro Laren and Noah Lessing to Klingons like B'Elanna, to abused kids, to a Borg drone who barely had social skills when they had met. Even a marginally sentient animal could sense Kieran’s intentions, and knew they were good. Kathryn watched her former first officer hugging the manatee, rolling languidly in the depths of the green ocean, and knew Kieran felt love for that creature, as surely as she loved her own children, her wives, her friends. Kieran made a hand signal, and Bessie left her, swimming beneath Kathryn’s legs and coming up under her, lifting her up to the surface. Kieran grinned around her rebreather at the look of astonishment on Kathryn’s face.
“That was a neat trick, Kato,” Kathryn said as the bobbed on the surface.
Kieran nodded. “Cass and I taught her to do that right before Sato shipped out. I’m surprised she remembers after so long. She’s very smart. Heck, a lot smarter than me,” she chuckled. “I think this crew needs some lunch, and then a trip to the beach. Sound okay with you, Captain?”
Kathryn nodded. “Sounds like a plan. Thanks for the up close and personal. It’s nice to know what it was that had Seven and Naomi so excited, all those years ago.”
“Geejay,” Kieran called to the younger Janeway. “Come on sweetie. We’re going to the beach. Katie, you and Geejay say goodbye to Babar, honey.”
“Ah, Mom, do we have to?” Katie complained.
“Yes, you do. Babar is a big old boy, and he needs his rest. And you need food, Katie-bear. You’re as bad about eating as I am,” she scolded.
Kathryn helped Geejay and Katie up the ladder to the dock, where Cassidy and Cameron waited with towels for everyone. “Kato,” Kathryn said softly, “I don’t remember your house being all that big. Where’s everyone going to sleep?” she asked.
Kieran smiled. “Naomi and I decided to splurge. We’re putting you and Seven up in the best resort on Marco, and Cassidy and Cameron, and Harry and Phoebe, too. Very romantic. It’s our Christmas gift to you. And your kids are staying here with us, at the house, so you don’t have to be bothered with them. The Wildwomen volunteered for babysitting duty, so you three couples can dine and dance tonight and tomorrow. If Daddy and your mom get to feeling overrun with kids, we’ll get them a room, too,” she replied. “And we’ll keep the girls entertained, and Edward. There’s a day camp for the older kids tomorrow, where they take them to the Everglades and they get to touch the snakes and plants, and ride in the air boats, and there’s a glass bottomed boat tour, and an alligator encounter. We figured Geejay and Katie and Edward will love that. Naomi and I are chaperoning that. And Lenara and Robin will have Erin, and Chance and Cami and Hannah. That’s tomorrow. Then your second day of marital bliss, Saturday, we’re taking them all up to Orlando to the theme parks—Disney and Sea World, and we’re spending the night up there. Kit and her harem are joining you guys at the resort Saturday, and then Sunday, you’re back to having three unruly kids, Kat. Enjoy your freedom,” she laughed. “Sunday we’re going diving, and Monday we’re doing the beach as a family.”
Kathryn finished drying her hair, and slipped her hand into Kieran’s. “That was very nice of you to think of giving us time alone.”
Kieran squeezed her hand, smiling down at her. “Yeah, well, now that I’ve stolen your ship, I’m going to be too busy to do much babysitting. So this is the perfect opportunity. And you two have been great, taking Katie this holiday. She just didn’t want to go to Noah’s folks’, and I wanted some time with her.”