And walking so rapidly while my spirit vacillated produced a very strange sensation, as
though my mind was like a stupid, blind worm in an automobile that was traveling at
great speed.
She turned the corner on San Martin and then started walking toward a large building.
I realized that I was going to have to act quickly, and I followed her when she entered the
building, feeling like I was doing something monstrous and disproportionate.
She waited for the elevator. There was no one else. Inside my mind someone more
bold than I asked her a question that was incredibly stupid:
“Is this building the Technology Company?”
There was a large and very obvious sign outside the building which said exactly what
building this was.
Nevertheless she turned around and politely told me, yes it was. (Later, thinking about
my question, and the simplicity and calmness with which she answered, I came to the
conclusion that after all it must be quite common that people don’t look at these large
signs and that, therefore, the question was not totally stupid, as I had thought at first.)
But right away, when she looked at me, she started smiling so strongly that I realized
she had recognized me. That was a possibility that had never occurred to me, however it
was quite logical since my photograph had often appeared in reviews and newspapers.
I was so emotional that I only was able to ask another awkward question; I asked her
abruptly:
“Why are you smiling?”
She smiled even more and perhaps was going to answer me when, having completely
lost control of myself, I added quickly:
“You are smiling because you recognized me. You think this is a coincidence, but it is
not a coincidence; there are never coincidences. I have thought about you for months.
Today I saw you in the street and I followed you here. I have something important to ask
you, something concerning the little window, do you understand?”
She was puzzled:
“The window?” she stammered. “What window?”
I felt my legs growing weak. Was it possible she didn’t remember it? Then it must not
have mattered to her, and she had only looked at it out of curiosity. I felt ridiculous, and I
thought dizzily that everything I had thought and done for months (including this scene)
was the height of disproportion and ridiculousness, like one of those reconstructions of a
dinosaur from the discovery of a broken vertebra.
The woman was on the verge of tears. I felt the world collapsing on me without being
able to stop it. I found myself saying something that I’m now ashamed to write:
“I see that I have been mistaken. Good afternoon.”
I left precipitously and I continued walking, almost running, without thinking where I
was going. I had walked for a block when I heard a voice behind me saying:
“Sir, sir!”
It was her; she had been following me without daring to stop me. There she was, and
she didn’t seem to know how to explain what had happened. With a soft voice she said:
“Forgive me, sir… Forgive my stupidity… I was frightened…”
A moment ago the world had seemed like a chaos of useless things and people. I felt
like it was now beginning to take shape and recover its sense of order. I listened silently.
“I didn’t realize that you were asking me about that scene in the painting,” she said
anxiously.
Without thinking, I grabbed her by the arm.
“Then you do remember it?”
She stood there for a moment without speaking, looking at the ground. Then she said
slowly:
“I remember it constantly.”
After that something strange happened: she seemed to regret what she had said because
she suddenly turned around and began to run away. After a moment of surprise, I ran
after her, until I realized how ridiculous this was; I looked around and continued walking
quickly, but normally. I made this decision for two reasons: first, because it was absurd
for a well-known man to chase a girl down the street, and second, because it was not
necessary.” That was what mattered most. I could see her any time when she went into
or came out of her office. So why run like a madman? The important thing, the really
important thing, was that she remembered the window scene “She remembered it
constantly.” I was very happy, I felt capable of grand things; I only reproached myself
for having lost control there by the elevator and now, again, for running after her like a
fool, when it was obvious that I could see her at any time in her office.
VII
“In her office?” I asked myself suddenly in a loud voice, almost shouting, feeling like
my legs were going to collapse again. And who told me she worked in an office there?
Are people who work there the only ones who enter? The idea of loosing her for many
months, or perhaps forever, made me feel dizzy, and now, without thinking, I started
running desperately. Soon I was back at the door of the Technology Company and I
couldn’t see her anywhere. Had she already taken the elevator? I thought about asking
someone, but what could I ask them? Many women might have gone up, and I would
have to say something more specific; what would the elevator operator think? I walked
back down the sidewalk, feeling undecided. I walked over to the other side and looked at
the front of the building, I’m not sure why. Perhaps with the vague hope of seeing her
look out through a window? However, it was absurd to think that she would look out
and give a sign, or something like that. All I saw was a gigantic sign that said:
Technology Company
I figured that I should keep an eye on at least twenty meters of the front of the
building, but that calculation just made me feel more upset. But now I didn’t have time
to let myself be consumed by that anxiety; I would have to let it torture me later, with
tranquility. At the moment I didn’t see any other solution except entering the building.
So I went in and waited for the elevator to come down; but while it was coming down I
noticed that my courage was lessening at the same time as my timidity was increasing
tumultuously. So when the elevator door opened, I had already decided exactly what I
was going to do: I would not say a single word. Of course, in that case, why take the
elevator? Though it would be difficult not to do that after waiting so long in front of