Power Questions: Build Relationships, Win New Business, and Influence Others

question?”
Suggestions for How to Use This Question
“What's your question?”
This is a tough love question. People will resist it—often strenuously. But you must ask
it.
When someone asks for advice or wants to “bounce something off you,” you can
help them immeasurably by asking this question. It forces them to crystallize their
thinking. It makes them take the first step toward clarifying what the issue is and what
advice they really need from you.
By asking this question, you'll also help reduce the amount of posturing that people
do with you. You'll move faster toward an authentic conversation.
When to use the question
Whenever someone says they have a question for you but then doesn't get around
to asking it.
When you're asked for advice, but the problem statement is so general that you
really don't know what you're being asked for advice about.

---

Alternative versions of the question
“There must be a question in there somewhere. . .what is it?”
“What would you like me to give you advice about?”
“You've mentioned several issues. What's the most important one you are
struggling with?”
Follow-up questions
“What have you tried?”
“What do you think your options are?”
“What's the thing you are you most concerned about?”

---

30
Why Is This Day Different?
My good friend, Robie Wayneberg, invites me to dinner. A very special
dinner.
He asks me to join him and his family in celebrating their Seder. It is the
highly festive Passover dinner that commemorates the exodus of the Jews
from Egypt. Passover is the most commonly observed and best known of
the Jewish holidays.
It enjoys a rich, spiritual kinship to the Christian faith. It is believed that
Jesus and His disciples gathered for the Seder on the last evening they were
together. It's what we now call the Last Supper.
Robie's family gathers around the dining table. They give me a yarmulke
to wear. I become a member of the family.
It is a deeply moving evening. The ritual begins. Three matzohs, the
unleavened bread. The bitter herbs. The egg. The salted water. Then the
roasted lamb and wine.
And then, one of the most soul-provoking questions I have ever heard.
Become me for a moment. Get a front row seat at this scene. Think of the
evening. The family. The ritual. The story of the flight from Egypt. And
now the question.
“Why is this night different from all other nights?”
In some ways, it is actually close to the kind of question I've been asking
for years. When my young kids were tucked into bed each evening, I would
ask: “What made this day more special than any other day in your life?
What were all the wonderful things that happened to you today?”
These questions made everything fade away that might have happened
during the day that was negative. The snubbing, falling in the playground,
the tough multiplication exercises, not being picked for a team, being
caught chewing gum. All this would be forgotten.

---

Instead, the kids would recall a special moment. Answering correctly
when their teacher called on them. Getting an extra ten minutes at recess.
Spending time with their best friend after school.
It's a great question. What made this day more special than any other?
My young kids are now grown with families of their own. They ask their
children the same question.
I often still ask that very question when I'm talking with someone
individually or in a group. Sometimes, I hear about a promotion at work, or
a success with a customer. Often, someone relates a very small thing that
brought great joy. It may have been a smiling child, an incandescent sunset,
or an intimate conversation with their spouse.
It's magical. It's not unlike the stars of the sky whose beauty increases
when they are studied for a long time, and new stars are discovered.
The question momentarily stops a person. It is, as Robert Frost writes, “at
the threshold of discovery.” The wheels begin turning. And then come the
joy and a smile.
Try it. Ask the question at your dinner table. If you're lucky enough to
have young kids still at home, ask it when you're tucking them into bed.
Ask it of some of your friends. You will find sparkling moments of high
happiness and rapture when the soul is laid bare.
If the description of a power question is one that is thought-stretching and
calls for a response, this is indeed a question packed with punch and vigor.
Mystical magic.
Dylan Thomas writes of being touched by life and etched in fire. That's it!
That's it exactly. “What made this day more special than any other?”
Invite others to share their most treasured moments with you. Help
them relish and savor their days by asking, “What made this day