Sex with the Lama
is not always a good idea neither for Lama nor partner
Lama Tendar Olaf Hoeyer, August 2017.
The picture shows the Zen master Bodhidharma with his ear in the hands of a courtesan...
(from John Steven’s book: Lust for Enlightenment)
E
thics is not always a simple matter, when eroticism is involved.
Erotic frustration and naked desire may destroy an otherwise
beneficial relationship between student and Dharma-teacher. Since
erotic Tantra does exist
(
karma mudra
)
as a legitimate form of
practise
(
sadhana
)
, where the students traditionally engage in a
special erotic union with the Lama – or with his wife – as initiation,
Sanskrit: abhisheka. Later, the yogi will find suitable partners for
his or hers sadhana. It is of course not for monks nor nuns. Never
the less, some people think, that it is also OK for the ordained,
because the Tantra wows surpass Vinaya rules for monks and nuns.
This opinion is not held in the lager monasteries. The learned
Pandits have never been able to agree about this.
I
t is a difficult path for anyone, to use the area of eroticism to also
become the solution for all such problems of letting go of
attachment and identification with sex in order to gain insight,
liberation and enlightenment. If eroticism is obsessive to someone,
karma mudra may be applied. Because both the problem and the
solution manifest simultaneously in the same mind at the same
place, there are also erotic Tantra as a method. It is there naturally
so to speak. This erotic union has to happen in a state of samadhi,
that is meditative absorption. This method is therefore almost
impossible to execute correctly. In other words: you have to try
many times, before you succeed.
W
ithin Tantra there is a hierarchic difference between Lama and
student. So the Lama may easily misuse the student, if the master
does not really hold mastership, but is unskilfully a victim of
delusion, Sanskrit: ahamkara and moha.
T
o the poor unenlightened village Lama, it may not appear clear,
what is liberating karma mudra, and what is sexual exploitation and
self satisfaction. To several known ‘masters’ it also appear difficult
to distinguish. The most notorious is the Nyingma Lama Sogyal
Tilogaard’s website: Lama Norlha sex scandal
www.tilogaard.dk/english
1
Rinpoche, otherwise mostly reputed for his book ‘The Tibetan
Book of Living and Dying’. Sogyal Rinpoche has collected a series
of accusations against him about sexual exploitation of several of
his students. A 10 million $ lawsuit from 1994 was closed with a
settlement, so we do not know the juicy details nor the size of the
compensation.
(Read about this via these links:
www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/belief/2011/jul/01/lama-sex-
abuse-sogyal-rinpoche-buddhist
&
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sogyal_Rinpoche
.)
T
he criticism of Sogyal Rinpoche has in August 2017 lead to his
resignation from the leadership of his organisation ‘Rigpa’. Read
about this development here:
1) Sogyal Rinpoche's resignation:
www.tilogaard.dk/english/Sogyal_Rinpoche_resignation_letter_1_s
r_letter_august_2017_eng-1.pdf
.
2) The leadership of Rigpa's reaction:
www.tilogaard.dk/english/
Sogyal_Rinpoche_resignation_Rigpa_board_reaction_letter_2_rigp
a_letter_aug_2017_eng-1.pdf
.
3) Press release from Rigpa:
www.tilogaard.dk/english/Sogyal_Rinpoche_resignation_Rigpa-
press-statement-final-2017_08_11.pdf
.
4) Read here Sogyal Rinpoche’s students open letter of
complaining:
www.tilogaard.dk/english/Sogyal_Rinpoche_students_complain_L
etter_to_Sogyal_Lakar_14_06_2017.pdf
.
N
ow also the Kagyu Lama Norlha in the USA have been accused
of sexual exploitation of his female students for decades. This
inspired his organisation to arrange a conference about sex and
correct relationship between Dharma-teachers and their students:
http://kagyu.com/introduction/ethics-policy
(
– please not that this Dharma centre is part of the ’alternative’
17
th
Karmapa Ogyen Dordje’s network. Lama Norlha is not in any
relationship with the ‘classical’ 17
th
Karmapa Thrinle Taye Dordje,
Tilogaard’s ‘protector’ nor with his network.
)
L
ama Norlha was born in Kham
(
Eastern part of the ethnic Tibet
)
in
1935. 8 years of age, he entered a monastery. He escaped from
Tibet in 1961. Lama Norlha was then 7 years in Kalu Rinpoche’s
monastery in Sonada in India. In 1976 he went to the USA and
became the leader of the Dharma centre Kagyu Thubten Choling.
He also visited Denmark. Allegedly, Lama Norlha has had many
sexual relationships, since he arrived in the USA. Now, he is
officially deposed and retired. It is a bit strange to hear about, but
not so surprising for people, who know Tibetan culture.
T
hese stories about sexually potent Tibetan Lamas with great
erotic appetite, that appear to lack ability to let go of attachment
and identification with passionate feelings
(
kleshas
)
, pop up al the
Tilogaard’s website: Lama Norlha sex scandal
www.tilogaard.dk/english
2
time. So, this looks like a typical problem, that occur periodically.
There is good reason to consider this problem and to take care. It is
not always all right.
T
he problem in this kind of cases is of course, that we as
bystanders cannot look through whether the case is sexual abuse or
correct erotic Tantra.
I
t is always the students that complain and feel abused. Some
times such students experience regret long time after the whole
thing took place. We might presume, that they did not learn
anything and they were unable to conduct Tantra correctly.
Possibly, the Lama have tried to show them a special way to
emancipation and enlightenment in a professional manner. We do
not know. On the other hand, the Lama might misuse the
hierarchical power situation to relate erotically to the student with
an intent of personal gratification and orgasm, disregarding the
students situation and keeping Bodhicitta out of it. In that case,
there is no samaya or Tantra wow. We do not know, but the
complaining students suffer much evil, because they have been
caught up in a game, that they could not evaluate nor avoid, when it
all happened. Later it appear to them, that they could have backed
out. All in all, they are left with a feeling of shame. So even if the
Lama did try to teach the students karma mudra, then apparently
there was no success, and the students cannot help it, but
experience abuse and regard the Lama as a sophisticated violator.
The Dharma community, that they are part of, then also suffers and
people leave.
I
t is not obvious, what is real or true. Such cases are difficult to
unravel. It is typical though, that the abused students feel outrage,
and that the Lama does not say much if anything at all, maybe
because of samaya – or because it is simply all too stupid.
T
his is the reason, that erotic Tantra is rare indeed and difficult to
accomplish. Also, it is not the ‘highest’ path. That of course is
Mahamudra, where you will not engage with an erotic partner –
where there is no erotic Tantra.
T
he wise Lama and Dharma-teacher will abstain from erotic
relations with the students. As a principal rule it is unprofessional
and may only be applied in very special cases, for instance if the
Lama is married with the karma mudra, whereby the hierarchy to
some extend is equalised.
I
n ancient India erotic Tantra was a tradition between the homeless
wandering sadhus or ‘holy men’ and yogis. In their native
environment the tradition worked well, because there was not much
of private property, private life, family honour nor lasting
relationships for such yogis. On the other hand, karma mudra have
never worked well within organised religion in general nor in the
monasteries in particular. The first Karmapa Dysum Khyenpa was
in this way expelled from his Lama Gampopa’s monastery, because
Tilogaard’s website: Lama Norlha sex scandal
www.tilogaard.dk/english
3
he conducted erotic Tantra within the monastery walls 900 years
ago. It was not the first time nor the last that such expulsions
happened.
W
hat is ethically correct in connection with Tantra, may be utterly
incorrect in a civil samsara connection. When someone cultivate
eroticism, almost automatically also the strong passion of envy is
invited and not only desire. Right in the heels of both follow
naturally pride and anger. Also confusion will arise.
But just as easily great sensitivity and openness
may appear, so Bodhicitta is definitely a possibility,
if you really go for it. Even erotic Tantra is
designed to handle and overcome the invitation of
eroticism to attachment and identification, then this
art will just as easily lead to more of the same kind.
Eroticism is seduction, so erotic Tantra may
become completely seductive and be misused.
T
he picture shows Lama Norlha, that many
Americans now hold in contempt. Lama Norlha
though, is not necessarily a pig. He may have had a perception, that
he was aiding his erotic partners to accomplish Bodhicitta. But we
do not know. Just like the case with Lama Yeshe from Kundreul
Ling
(
Le Bost
)
in France several years ago, this looks like a simple
and extensive practise between a higher ranking person, that
misuse a lower ranking person sexually. In the Tibet of Old, people
would not have protested against such treatment, because you
never know – maybe the Lama is a Buddha. Lama Norlha may
have presumed, that the Americans think likewise.
I
t is also possible, that Lama Norlha was sexually frustrated,
because he was a badly motivated monk – anyway his conduct was
bad no matter what he thought. I presume though, that he did
nothing criminally. The case is about lack of morality and bad
ethics. The case is also a warning to everybody, that it is not only
the Lama who carry a responsibility in relation to the students – the
students also carry responsibility. They should not allow
manipulation and seduction in the name of a religion. The students
must secure that their integrity is respected. They also must secure
that the Lama is qualified. Who else should do that? It is in itself an
art to verify the reputation and qualifications of the Lama. The
World is full of unenlightened people, and the Lamas are not
always Buddhas.
T
he good news are, that the misuse was discovered, the Lama
dismissed and everybody hopefully got wiser…
T
he bad news are, that we do nor know whether Lama Norlha is
innocent – or at least erring in his perception of the Americans.
Maybe he was just too optimistic about the students engagement
and ability. Maybe people of the West are too prudish. Maybe no
one got any wiser…
Tilogaard’s website: Lama Norlha sex scandal
www.tilogaard.dk/english
4
O
n Tilogaard you cannot learn erotic Tantra. Actually, it is quite
difficult to find a Dharma-teacher on this subject, if you are
interested. The Magazine Tricycle has written about Lama Norlha:
https://tricycle.org/trikedaily/kagyu-thubten-choling-monastery-
working-sex-impropriety/
.
Read also:
https://tricycle.org/magazine/sex-sangha-again/
.
Read further:
www.lionsroar.com/kagyu-thubten-choling-
addresses-sangha-about-lama-norhla-rinpoches-sexual-misconduct-
with-students/
Read also:
www.lionsroar.com/confronting-abuse-power/
.
This last link express a useful approach to this kind of problems.
The typical ‘sexual predator’ – who is beyond dialogue – is also
discussed.
A
lso Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche has commented on the issue of
Sogyal Rinpoche by writing a rather lengthy paper:
www.tilogaard.dk/english/
Dzongsar_Khyentse_on_sex_with_the_
Lama_August_2017.pdf
. This paper is very important for any
student of Buddhadharma.
Some people never learn
O
n the various website of the organisations directly connected to
Lama Norlha and Sogyal Rinpoche there is no mention of sex
scandals, even these two Lamas have made their formal exit from
these organisations explicit and made excuses for their behaviour. It
may seem that they did not leave at all. Quite strange – as if they
are also in denial...
T
he same strange kind of attitude is also seen with the ‘alternative’
Jamgon Kongtrul Lhabrang. When you visit their websites, it is as
if the Tulku has not left them, though he indeed did so more than a
year ago in April 2016, stating that he did not feel like an
incarnation of the previous Jamgon Kongtrul, and he would rather
live his life without this organisation. Read about that here:
www.tilogaard.dk/english/Two_Jamgon_Kongtruls.pdf
.
(
Please notice, that the ‘classical’ incarnated Jamgon Kongtrul
Rinpoche, the son of Beru Khyentse Rinpoche both feels like his
previous incarnation, behaves as such and has no problem of being
that incarnation. I call his incarnation ‘classical’ because he was
appointed by the ‘classical’ Karmapa Thrinley Taye Dorje. The
17th Karmapa Thrinley Taye Dorje was called ‘classical’ by
Shamar Rinpoche.
)
Postscript:
Lama Norlha died the 19
th
of february 2018, 79 years old.
Books:
'Tibetan Arts of Love' of Gendün Chöpel, translated and commented by
professor Jeffrey Hopkins; Snow Lion Publications, 1992. ISBN: 0-937938-97-1.
'Lust for Enlightenment - Buddhism and Sex' of John Stevens; Shambhala
Publications, 1990. ISBN: 0-87773-416-X.
Tilogaard’s website: Lama Norlha sex scandal
www.tilogaard.dk/english
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