Issue 149: july 2011

in tro spec tion  to  con sider  the  mu tual  in flu -

ence  of  in ter ac tion  be tween  the

re searcher and re searched evironment or

phe nom e non.

Why is it then that we often avoid

doing this when we as sess chil dren? Rarely 

(if ever) will you read an as sess ment about 

a child, and see ref er ences to the as ses sor

in terms of in tro spec tion about the in flu -

ence of the as ses sor on the child and vice- 

versa. And again con sid er ing the re search

met a phor, when we avoid this pro cess of

con sid er ing  this  mu tual  in ter ac tion  and  in -

flu ence, we se ri ously jeapordise the

re li abil ity  or  trust wor thi ness  of  the  as sess -

ment by leav ing out a crit i cal as pect and

im por tant  tar get  of  as sess ment.  In  doing

so, our as sess ment pro cess can be se ri -

ously flawed, and there fore also our

in ter ven tion  plan  or  strat egy  fol low ing  as -

sess ment.

But why do we leave out this crit i cal

as pect of as sess ment? This would be an in -

ter est ing topic for fur ther re search, but

allow me to spec u late for the time being.

In tro spec tion can be a daunt ing pro cess,

re quir ing from us not only the abil ity, but

the will ing ness to also view our own hurts 

and pain in the pro cess, when con sid er ing

how we in ter act with chil dren and why

we in ter act the way we do. As sess ing our -

selves as part of the as sess ment tar get also 

makes us vul ner a ble by ex pos ing our own

weak nesses, and in doing so may ask of us

to make cer tain changes, a pro cess which

can be both pain ful and chal leng ing. So

why would we shy away from this? Is this

not an op por tu nity we should ea gerly grab 

hold of? I can only imag ine that prac ti tio -

ners would be hes i tant to make them-

selves vul ner a ble if they work in an

unsupportive evironment, or have in ad e -

quate su per vi sion, or are so over whelmed 

by their work that they are be com ing

emo tion ally  un avail able  to  chil dren  (and

then by def i ni tion to them selves as well).

Or per haps it may be that we sim ply do

not un der stand just how much we in flu -

ence the en vi ron ment and the child that

we are as sess ing. I am sure there can be

many  more  ex pla na tions. 

In the end, what ever the rea son for

avoid ing this crit i cal as pect, my chal lenge

to all of us is to ex plore with out fear or

ap pre hen sion  the  value  of  in clud ing  our -

selves as tar gets for as sess ment, and I dare 

to say that we will not only be more ef fec -

tive and ac cu rate in our as sess ment, but

we will be richer emo tion ally by ap ply ing

this form of self su per vi sion and

autocorrective feed back.

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W

 e like to think we’re a civ i lized

coun try. We have laws, we

have rules, we have stan dards

of be hav iour that go back, in some cases,

hun dreds of years.

It’s in ter est ing to see our so ci ety

through the lens of a dif fer ent cul ture – a

cul ture that has been around so long it

makes ours look like a new dance craze

sweep ing the internet.

Re cently, we wel comed a for eign stu -

dent into our home. Gao Lai is from

China, study ing at the Uni ver sity. (Gao Lai

is his mother's nick name for him. It is sort

of pro nounced “Gow-lay”. We tried to

wrap our tongues around his ac tual full

name, and came ad mi ra bly close, but he

gave us this easy, pro nounce able

out.)

He’s a young man, only 22,

and he came to Can ada

alone. He came here de ter -

mined not to im pose his

cul ture on ours, but rather to

adapt to and learn from our way

of life. He in sists on eat ing our

food (and being a boy barely out

of his teens, he eats a lot of our food). He

wants to lis ten to our music, read our

books, watch our tele vi sion. I think he’s

brave and smart and he will come away

much richer for hav ing learned so much

about an other kind of life.

But along the way, there is cer tainly a

lot of adapt ing he has had to do.

He ar rived on a Sat ur day at noon, ex -

hausted from the long trip half way around 

the world. And be cause he’s a young man, 

my wife fig ured he’d be hun gry. In his halt -

ing Eng lish and through a set of quick

cha rades he con firmed this, so my wife

whipped to gether a toasted to mato and

cheese sand wich.

She set the sand wich down in front of

Gao Lai. He smiled and thanked her. And

looked at the sand wich. And smiled again,

and thanked her again, and looked at the

sand wich  again. 

Fi nally, he asked, “What is ...?”

“Oh, it's to mato and cheese,” said my

wife. “Do you not have those in

China?”

“Yes, but ...”. He seemed

very  un com fort able.  “How  do

you ... eat?”

He had never seen a sand -

wich.

Now, we know that some

foods are going to be dif fer ent. Of

course they will be. But this re ally sur -

prised  us.  We  apol o get i cally  showed

Gow-Lay how to pick up the sand wich

and eat it. He was clearly un easy about

this.

“No ... fawk? Spoon?”

What we did n't know – and what he so 

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Nils Ling

Being Civilized

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del i cately ex plained to us later – is that in

his cul ture, food is rarely touched with the 

hand while eat ing. It is usu ally con sid ered

mon u men tally  im po lite.  And  here  he  was,

just off the plane, and we were ca su ally

ex pect ing him to com mit a se ri ous breach

of table man ners. And smil ing at him, and

wait ing to see if he enjoyed it.

Think about how you might feel in that

sit u a tion. You get on a plane and land in

an other coun try. You’re hun gry. Your

hosts cheer fully put a plate of food down

for you, then ask you to, I don't know, eat

with your feet. “Bon appetit!”

Yes, I think I might be a lit tle dis con -

certed.

But give the boy credit, he rolled with

it. And he has con tin ued to. But we al ways 

have to re mem ber that most of the dishes 

we have served him are new to him. So

we find our selves hav ing to dem on strate

how our food is eaten here. Corn on the

cob. Fried Chicken. And it was par tic u larly 

fun to show him how West ern chil dren

eat spaghetti.

I'm im pressed by his will ing ness – his

ea ger ness – to in hale our food, be cause it

is so dif fer ent from what he knows. But

we want to learn from him, too. So I took

him to the local Asian mar ket, got him to

pick out some typ i cal spices from his re -

gion of China, and cook us a small noo dle

dish. 

Well. This is going to sound like I made

it up, but I prom ise you I did not: he gave

me a sin gle noo dle from the pot. I put it in 

my mouth and tasted the var i ous fla vours

of this dif fer ent cul ture, sa vour ing the rich

— Oh, dear God, what is hap pen ing in my 

mouth? 

I could FEEL the taste buds being cau -

ter ized. My teeth began to melt. 

Imag ine gob bling down a plate ful of

jalapeno pep pers, but stop ping to roll each 

one around for a bit. That was the ef fect

pro duced by a sin gle noo dle. I can see

why they don’t eat with their hands. You

would need oven mitts.

So I ad mire him for deign ing to eat our

food, which must taste so bland to him

that it would be like eat ing noo dles with -

out any sauce at all. And he is learn ing that 

our cul tures are dif fer ent and that he must 

be pa tient with us be cause we are sav ages 

who eat with our feet.

And we are learn ing that for a civ i lized

peo ple, we have a way to go.

From Nils Ling’s book

Truths and Half Truths. 

A col lec tion of some of

his  most  mem o ra ble  and 

hi lar i ous  col umns.  Write 

to him at RR #9, 747

Brackley Point Road,

Char lotte town,  PE,  C1E 

1Z3, Can ada.

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---

G

reet ings from the South east of

Eng land where I started my visit in 

the an cient city of Bath lo cated in

the County of Somerset.  Bath was named 

Aquae Sulis by the Romans back in AD 43!

Lo cated about 100 miles west of Lon don,

Bath was granted city sta tus through Royal 

Char ter by Queen Eliz a beth I in 1590, 7

years  be fore  Can ada’s  New found land  be -

come the first col ony of the Brit ish

Em pire!  Bath was granted World Her i tage 

sta tus in 1987 and the an cient Roman

baths have been care fully re stored to pro -

vide amaz ing glimpses of life in an cient

Brit ain  of fer ing  rich  learn ing  op por tu ni ties

for chil dren and young peo ple of all ages – 

even old ies like me.

As a ded i cated ‘peo ple watcher’, I am

al ways on the look-out for the kinds of

things chil dren or young peo ple are get -

ting up to in the places I visit.  It was

in ter est ing to watch chil dren and young

peo ple at the Roman Baths lis ten ing to the 

audio guides, pick ing up on the free ed u -

ca tional  ma te ri als  that  were  readily

avail able, or just hang ing  out,  whether with 

adults or doing things and fill ing time by

them selves.

I’m  par tic u larly  in ter ested  in  mo ments

when one finds young peo ple hang ing  out

on their own.  In my ex pe ri ence, one

does n’t find young peo ple hang ing  out on

their own all that often. So when I do find

such in stances, it gets me think ing: What

may be going on in their lives?  What does

the  body  lan guage  com mu ni cate  through

this image of a sol i tary youth?  Does the

body lan guage con vey re lax ation?  Maybe

one  iden ti fies  tired ness  or  ex haus tion?

Might this be a young per son in pain?  We

will never re ally know but how often do

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leon fulcher's postcard

from the southeast of

england

Re flec tions  aris ing  from  this

Image of a Sol i tary Youth

  Learn ing  Op por tu ni ties  dur ing  School  Hols

at the Roman Baths

---

you find young peo ple sit ting in this man -

ner with their heads in their hands? How

might  one  con tem plate  con nect ing  with

such a youth?

My visit to South west Eng land was dur -

ing the school hol i days so there were

plenty of chil dren and fam i lies around.

There were also a lot of car a vans and

camper vans on the roads!  I watched with 

fas ci na tion as this street vender per -

formed his magic for youn ger chil dren and 

adults,  cap tur ing  our  at ten tion  and

prompt ing amaze ment plus laugh ter in a

va ri ety of ways.  Some street ven dors and

busk ers cater for adults. Those who per -

form for chil dren and par ents – like cyc

work ers – have spe cial tal ents.

As we moved fur ther south through

Devon and Cornwall, I was filled with

amaze ment while vis it ing old Tintagel, the

birth place of King Ar thur – he of King Ar -

thur and the Knights of the Roundtable!

No, it was n’t Cam e lot – that imag i nary

place that fea tured at the end of King Ar -

thur’s life.  One look at the roof line of the 

Tintagel Post Of fice spoke of its long life,

re mem ber ing of course that Ar thur lived

there  cen tu ries  ear lier!

The Cornwall beaches were of course

teem ing with fam i lies.  All seemed in tent

on soak ing up sun shine after the wet

Spring time in many parts of the UK.

Given the num ber of non-Eng lish speak ing 

vis i tors, it seemed as though half of Eu -

rope was also spend ing their school

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 Mag i cal Mo ments for Chil dren of All Ages

in the Cen tre of Bath

 An cient Tintagel Post Of fice built well after

King Ar thur lived there

Granddad, Daddy, Chil dren & the Dog at Cornwall Har bour

---

hol i days in Cornwall.  One par tic u lar fam -

ily group caught my at ten tion at Pads tow

Har bour.  As I en gaged in my pas time of

peo ple watch ing, this ex tended fam ily plus 

dog were also hang ing out, en gaged in the

very same pas time!

But for all of the Biker Clubs I saw dur -

ing this trip, and even those that I’ve seen

over my many years of travel, I con fess to

never hav ing seen a group of old Bik ers

like this one that I found on my drive back

north to Scot land.  Here these old guys

were – many prob a bly my own age and

older – all dressed in their leath ers and

Biker gear but all were rid ing Vespas,

maybe two dozen of them!  Who needs a

Harley, eh?  Enjoy!

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Club Out ing for Old Bik ers with their Vespas

Gary Adams (1985) in his ar ti cle “Ver bal man age ment of con ta gious be hav ior” (Jour nal of Child and

Youth Care Work,1(2) stated that:  “Lengthy discusions are not ap pro pri ate for bel lig er ent groups.”   We 

thought this car toon il lus trated his point ad mi ra bly:

---

miscellany

EndNotes

Until a few months ago

We did n't know what it was to live

with out  fear,  un cer tainty,  em bar rass ment

and hurt;

We did n't know what it was to feel

safe, happy, and loved;

You helped us to shed our con flicts,

anger and emp ti ness,

And filled us with hope, courage and

peace,

So that we could live and achieve and

move for ward.

Until a few months ago, we did n't

know that we would ever want to say

Thank You.

___

“Women and cats will do as they

please, and men and dogs should relax   

and get used to the idea.” 

            — Rob ert A. Heinlein

There is a the ory which states that if

ever any one dis cov ers ex actly what the

Uni verse is for and why it is here, it will

in stantly dis ap pear and be re placed by

some thing even more bi zarre and in ex pli -

ca ble. 

There is an other the ory which states

that this has al ready hap pened. 

                          — Douglas Adams

                   (The Res tau rant at the End 

                          of the Uni verse)

___

“Never put off until to mor row      

what you can possiby do the day after   

to mor row.” 

                           — Mark Twain

___

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“Son, I think I’m be gin ning to un der stand you

better ... I’ve been pag ing through this book called 

How to Know your Teen ager.”

 — Charles Schulz be fore the days of

‘Pea nuts’

 

---

In-depth  con ver sa tion 

be tween  fa ther  and 

young son

“It is a model of how adults can

and should but so rarely do talk to

chil dren, for it is above all a con ver -

sa tion be tween equals. Not that the

man and the boy are or pre tend to

be equals in ev ery thing; both know

very well that the man has much

more  knowl edge  and  ex pe ri ence.

But they are equals, first, be cause

they work as col leagues, are equally

in volved  in  the  con ver sa tion,  equally

eager and de ter mined to find as

much of the truth as they can. And

they are equals be cause the man

treats the boy with ex actly the re -

spect that he would want an adult

col league to treat him, takes his

thoughts, con fu sions, and ques tions

as se ri ously as he would want an -

other adult to take his own. Again,

we can only envy all chil dren who

have such adults to talk to.”

                         — John Holt

___

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“Look, Tim o thy, if I give you the two bars of choc o late and

the fifty cents, will you tell Mummy that Daddy is on the

tele phone?”

___

You are wor ried about see ing him spend his early 

years in doing noth ing. What! Is it noth ing to be

happy? Noth ing to skip, play, and run around all day

long? Never in his life will he be so busy again. 

          — Jean-Jacques Rous seau, Emile, 1762

___

I am fond of chil dren — ex cept boys.  

                        — Lewis Carroll

---

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information

Editors

Thom Garfat (Can ada) /

[e-mail]

Brian Gannon (South Af rica) /

[e-mail]

Correspondence

The Ed i tors wel come your input, com -

ment, re quests, etc.

Write to 

[e-mail]

Advertising

Only  ad ver tis ing  re lated  to  the  pro fes sion, 

pro grams, courses, books, con fer ences

etc. will be ac cepted. Rates and spec i fi ca -

tions are ob tain able from

[e-mail]

CYC-On line is a web-based e-pub li ca tion and there fore not avail able in printed form.

How ever, read ers are al ways wel come to print out pages or chap ters as de sired.

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Document Outline

• Contents
  • Editorial: Appealing for the Future / 3
  • Teaching Students to Overcome Frustration / 6
    • Martin Henley
  • Academic Roles and Relationships / 13
    • Jack Phelan
  • No Need to Fix Anything – Just Add the Missing Parts: A Needs-Based Approach to Child & Youth Cared / 16
    • Gerry Fewster
  • CYC Week – 1996 / 22
    • John Stein
  • Developmental Pathways as Rites of Passage / 25
    • Ron Garrison
    • Fair Start for you: a Free Online Education and Development Program / 31
      • Niels P. Rygaard
  • With mental health and wellbeing in mind / 34
    • Allyson McCollam
  • Cat and Youth Care, Part 3 / 42
    • Kiaras Gharabaghi
  • Who will regulate the regulators? / 47
    • Mark Smith
  • Power Down for Dinner / 49
    • Estella Abraham
  • Authentic Assessment for Restorative Outcomes / 50
    • Allison Doerr
  • Clean your room / 56
    • Art Buchwald
  • The Assessment of Children / 59
    • Werner van der Westhuizen
  • Being Civilized / 61
    • Nils Ling
  • Postcard from the Southeast of England / 63
    • Leon Fulcher
  • EndNotes / 66
  • Information / 68