Microsoft Word Elisabeth Kubler-Ross On Death And Dying doc

SIRS. c: I suppose we all could improve. I do realize there is a shortage of nursing care. I think 
sometimes the bells are being unanswered when they really should be, but as a whole I think this is 
pretty general everywhere. It's just a shortage, comparing back thirty years, when I nursed, it has 
changed a lot. But I do think that the critically ill people are given a lot of attention without special 
nurses. 
 
DOCTOR: Do you have any questions? Mrs. G., who told your husband how ill he was? 
 
MRS. c: I told him first. 
 
DOCTOR: How did you tell him that and when? 
 
MRS. c: Three days after the first surgery in the hospital I told him. He said on the way to the 
hospital, "Now, if this is malignant don't flip your lid." That's the term he used. I said, "I won't, but 
it won't be." But the third day our physician friend went on vacation. This was in July, and I told 
him. He just kind of looked at me and I said, "I suppose you want to know what they have done." 
"Oh," he says, "nobody has told me." I said, "Well, they took eighteen inches of your lower colon." 
He said, "Eighteen inches?!" He said, "Well good, then they hooked on to healthy tissue." I didn't 
go on with the rest of it until we got home. And then I would judge about three weeks after the 
surgery, we were sitting in our family room, just the two of us, and I told him. He said, "Well, we 
just have to make the best of what is left." That's just his attitude. So then for two months he went 
back to the office and worked. We took a vacation. My son had a break in college and we went out 
to Estes Park. We really had a nice time. He even played some golf. 
 
DOCTOR: In Colorado? 
 
MRS. c: Yes. My son was born in Colorado. We were stationed there when my husband was in the 
service. We love it there and we vacation there almost every year. And I was so thankful that we 
had that time together because we really did enjoy 
 
(P120) 
 
it. It was just about a week after that he went back to the office and then started with this bowel 
obstruction. And the tumor where they had operated had grown again. 
 
DOCTOR: Did he close his office up completely? 
 
MRS. G: He closed it five weeks only. Then he went back after his first surgery. And he opened up 
after we took our vacation. He was just there about a week, sixteen days he has worked since his 
surgery on July the 7th. 
 
DOCTOR: What is happening now with the office? 
 
MRS. c: The office is just still closed up. The office girl takes calls. Everyone wants to know when 
he is coming back. So we, I have advertised for sale, and we would like to sell it. It's kind of a bad 
time of the year too. I have a man coming this month to look at it. And my husband has just been so 

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ill and they put him on the critical list. I just couldn't leave but there are so many things I have to 
attend to back home. But my son has been coming back and forth. 
 
DOCTOR: What is he studying? 
 
MRS. c: Now he's finished. He started out in predental but then he switched and right now he has 
just been tending to things at home. Like I say, he has been in school steady and after his father 
went on critical his draft board gave him a deferment for a few months. So he is just kind of at a 
decision of what to do. 
 
DOCTOR: I think we should finish. Do you have any questions, Mrs. G.? 
 
MRS. c: You are doing all this to see if you can improve things? 
 
DOCTOR: Well, it has a multitude of reasons. The main reason is to understand from the very sick 
patient what they are going through. What kind of fears and fantasies or loneliness they experience 
and how we can understand and help them. Each patient we interview in here has different kinds of 
problems and conflicts. Once in a while we also like to see the family, how they are dealing with 
the situation and how the staff can be of assistance. 
 
MRS. G: I've had people say to me, "I don't know how you can do it." Why, I know just how much 
a piece of God is in a person's life and I've always felt that way. I went through nurses' training and 
I was always fortunate to meet good Christian people. I've heard and read different things, even 
about movie stars. If they have a faith and believe in God, it seems like it's just something to stand 
on. That's what I really think and I think a happy marriage is based on that. 
 
Dr. G.'s wife gives a good description of the reaction of a close family member to such unexpected 
news of a malignancy. Her first reaction, shock, followed by a brief denial, "No, it cannot be true." 
She then attempts to find some meaning in this turmoil and finds solace in the Scriptures, which 
have always been a source of inspiration for this family. In spite of her apparent acceptance, she too 
maintains the hope "research is going on" and prays for a miracle. While this change in her family 
has deepened their religious experiences, it has also allowed her time to become more self-
sufficient and independent. 
 
The outstanding feature of this double interview is perhaps again the two different stories we hear 
about how the patient was told. This is quite typical and has to be understood if we are not to take 
things at face value. 
 
Dr. G. explains how his son had matured and finally faced up to the responsibility by sharing the 
bad news with him. He is obviously proud of his son, sees him as a mature, grown-up man, who 
can take on the responsibilities when he has to leave his rather dependent wife. Mrs. G., on the 
other hand, insists that it was she who had the courage and strength to tell her husband about the 
outcome of the operation, not giving her son credit for this difficult task. She contradicted herself 
later on several occasions so that it seems unlikely that her version was the reality. Nevertheless her 
wish to have told her husband also says something about her needs. She wishes to be strong, to be 
able to face it, and to talk about it. She wants to be the one who shares good and bad with her 
husband and who seeks solace and strength in the Scriptures to accept whatever may come. 

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