Million Dollar Habits

Million Dollar Habits – Page 42 
along, you go along.” 
At an early age, you begin to conform your behaviors to 
earn the approval, and avoid the disapproval, of your parents. 
The Approval of Others 
As you grow older, you become increasingly sensitive to the approval or 
disapproval of others, starting with members of your family, and then your friends 
and associates. Teenagers especially become extremely sensitive to whether or not 
they are liked or disliked by their peers. Instead of being fearless and spontaneous, 
completely open, honest and expressive, they begin to shape their behaviors and 
conform to whatever they feel their peers will approve of at the moment. 
The child does not know why the parent is behaving this way. The child simply 
concludes that, “Every time I do something that Mommy or Daddy disapproves of, 
they stop loving me. Therefore, whatever it is, I have to do what makes them 
happy. I have to do what pleases them. I have to do what they want if I want to be 
safe.” 
This feeling generates what is called the 
“compulsive negative habit pattern,”
which is characterized by the words 
“I have to!”
As an adult, the child who was 
subjected to disapproval and destructive criticism becomes hypersensitive to the 
attitudes and opinions of others. They are continually saying, 
“I have to do this
” or 
“I have to do that.”
When the fear of rejection becomes extreme, the individual 
becomes so hypersensitive to the opinions of others that he or she cannot make a 
decision until he or she is absolutely convinced that everyone in the world around 
them will approve and support the decision. 

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Million Dollar Habits – Page 43 
Like A Deer In the Headlights 
The worst situation of all, which is quite common in most people, is the combined 
feeling of, 
“I have to” 
but 
“I can’t.”
The individual feels that he has to do 
something in order to win the approval of an important person in his life, but 
simultaneously, he is afraid of trying anything new or different, and becomes 
extremely sensitive to the reactions and comments of anyone around him.
The root cause of negative habit patterns can almost always be traced back to 
“destructive criticism” in early childhood. Often, destructive criticism is 
accompanied by physical punishment. In either or both cases, the child very 
quickly loses his or her natural spontaneity and becomes fearful and hypersensitive 
to others.
All the other fears that hold people back - the fears of loss, of poverty, of 
embarrassment, of ridicule, of ill health, of the loss of love of someone, of public 
speaking, of taking a chance, of starting or trying something new or different – are 
all rooted in the fears of failure and rejection that begin in early childhood.