Million Dollar Habits – Page 41
of a single person, a parent,
relative or friend, who simply told them, over and over
again,
“You can do it.”
What Others Might Say
The second fear
that we learn early in life, which then affects us for the rest of our
lives, is the
fear of rejection
, or
criticism
. We are all sensitive to the opinions of
others, especially to the opinions and reactions of our parents when we are growing
up. Parents often take advantage of this need to please
to control and manipulate
their children. The way they do it is by giving or withholding approval and
support, based on the behavior of the child at the moment.
When the child does or says something that the parents don’t like, they
immediately become rejecting and critical of the child. Since the approval and
support of the parent is like a psychological lifeline to
the emotional health of the
child, the child is immediately affected and pulls back from the behavior in order
to regain the love and approval of the parents.
Parents very soon slip into the habit of manipulating the child with “carrot and
stick” treatment. They alternate with approval and disapproval, with
compliments
and criticism, to control and manipulate the child’s behavior.
As a child, you are too young to understand what is going on. You know only one
thing. The love and approval of your parents is indispensable to your well-being. It
is the key to your emotional health.
You therefore learn that,
“If you want to get
