Misha Williams

 51 
BRIAN 
I will not. (To ALBERT) You come cheating your way 
into my home under the pretext of a freelance radio 
interview and you (attacking JESS) ingratiating yourself 
to my mother! Who is batty by the way! She'll talk to 
any stranger for attention! She is not compos mentis. I 
got out of her this morning exactly what you're up to 
and caught the first train straight down from Carlisle. I 
have power of attorney and I shall see you in court 
unless you drop this slimy rendering, this comic strip , 
this Indiana Jones garbage version of my father!! Have 
you been in touch with my literary agent? No, you 
haven't! This is breach of copyright! I didn’t trust you 
when you came to my house to do your wretched 
interview. I knew then that you were crooked! 
 
JESS 
Mr Fawcett! Hang on. We don’t need copyright! This  
story is in the public domain! 
 
"FAWCETT" 
(To BRIAN) You're not going to do me out of a job, are 
you? I haven't worked since panto last year. 
 
ALBERT 
(To BRIAN) Would you mind just leaving? We are 
extremely busy. 
 
"M" 
Excuse me! Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt. I'm Brian's 
literary agent. Karen's the name. Darling, what are you 
so worried about? Hollywood doesn't want the truth. It 
wants adventure. So let these nice people make an 
adventure story. 
 
BRIAN 
…That has nothing…to do with the truth? 
 
"M" 
Exactly. So what have you got to lose? 
 
JESS 
You see. The voice of reason! 
 

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 52 
"M" 
Hollywood's not interested in your father's actual story. 
So you're not giving away anything are you and the 
masses will be happy with the same old epic adventure 
crap. 
 
JESS 
(Curtly) I don't think it'll be that bad. But I see where 
you're coming from. 
 
"M" 
I don't know what Brian's so worried about. (To BRIAN) 
It could actually do your book sales some good. (To 
ALBERT) I'm sure I could strike a reasonable deal with 
your producer. I feel she would appreciate the seal of 
family approval that Brian could give your film. 
 
BRIAN looks at "M" incredulously. "FAWCETT" comes over to "M." 
 
"FAWCETT" 
You've saved it all from disaster! Lass, I think you're 
champion. Though I've never seen samurai mascara 
like that in my life. Not even at the Grafton in 
Liverpool. 
 
Music. The scene evaporates. "M" and BRIAN alone. 
 
"M" 
Stop worrying. It'll never get anywhere. How many 
times have Hollywood and the BBC tried and it never 
gets made! And if it does it's something really pitiful 
and so far off the mark that your father's real story is 
not even touched upon. So it's all safe. Trust me! 
 
Fade to black. 
 
 
SCENE SIXTEEN.  A BRIGHTON GUEST HOUSE. 
 
NINA talks on the telephone, facing the audience.. 
 
NINA 
Joan…Darling. How's the weather in Switzerland? Are 
you well? And "the Worm"?… Oh, Good. I've moved 

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 53 
into the Brighton guest house now. It's lovely here with 
room service and anything one wants. I couldn't stand 
it at Brian's for another moment. He was just killing me 
by inches. His house is so spooky and not that clean. I 
am on the verge of doing a deal with an American film 
company, despite Brian's continual interference. He has 
no right. He wants Puggy's real story to remain a 
secret. Why? He's jealous because of his lack of talent 
compared to your father and Jack! Well, of course! You 
know, it's that little elemental. That sith! That's who's 
behind his behaviour. She attached herself to him 
when we were at Up Lyme and Brian was only five, and 
has manipulated him ever since. He's ruining his life 
and she's behind it.  
 
 
"M" leans round the 'doorway' behind NINA . Then comes in wearing a 
white apron and carrying a tray with a drink on it. She sets it down on 
the table. 
 
 
NINA 
They are deceitful creatures these elementals. 
American Indians call them The Tricksters because 
they tell you a lot that could be true and gain your 
trust and then deceive you with a lot of lies. 
 
"M" unscrews a small bottle and pours a few drops into NINA's sherry. 
 
They ruin people's lives and drive them to lunacy. Or 
even a slow painful death. 
 
"M" puts the sherry next to NINA's elbow and goes. 
 
Thank you…. 
 
NINA takes a sip. 
 
Anyway Joan. I'm winning and I believe our family will 
make some money out of our 'secret story' and don't 
we deserve to for goodness sake?  
 
Loud music. Thunder. 
 

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 54 
SCENE SEVENTEEN.   BRIAN'S BUNGALOW, CARLISLE. 
 
 
BRIAN in vest and pants doing Yoga asanas. He is in a shoulder stand. 
 
BRIAN 
(Cheerfully) I have a premonition of the collapse of our 
civilization. Just as Daddy had. Our political leaders 
don’t want an intelligent population. They want us to 
be naïve and moronic slaves. So I'm resigning from 
this society and becoming a hermit. I've set my foot 
upon the Path. (Lowers himself) Cuthbert Whiteside 
said in Tesco's yesterday, "Don't you have a job? " I 
said "I've just turned down a job. One of the best 
offers in rail engineering that South America has to 
offer. But it meant a choice between Art and Mammon. 
And to me there is no choice. Art is supreme". Cuthbert 
said scornfully "So what do you do all day?" In spirit, a 
great guffaw of laughter goes up within me. An 
average person such as Cuthbert is not to know, nor 
will ever know the true reason for our lives. His future 
looks black indeed. Cuthbert will live and die for no 
reason whatsoever. (Breezily) Ah, well. 
 
He goes into the cobra position. 
RUTH comes in with a tray of hot drinks. 
 
RUTH 
It's nice to have the house to ourselves again, Brian. 
Your mother is a bit of a handful. Anyhow. I've got you 
to myself again and that's all that really matters to me, 
dear. I do love our married life together. It's so nice 
and normal. 
 
BRIAN sits up. She starts to pass him a cup of tea that "M" takes and 
passes on. 
 
RUTH 
Whoop. I've even got used to your floating teacup 
trick. You are clever, Brian. You can do things. You've 
cured Joan and her husband of illnesses and… 
sometimes I wish you could do magic for us… 
 
 

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