Misha Williams
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40 SCENE FOURTEEN. BRIAN'S LIVING ROOM. BRIAN takes off his grey raincoat. He wears a dinner jacket. BRIAN (To audience) I got back from my duties, playing my bassoon for the Carlisle Amateur Symphony Orchestra. We were accompanying the local amateurs in "Pirates of Penzance," while Mother and Ruth were mesmerized by television. (To "M") Did you watch anything? "M" No. TV's so puerile. It just highlights the despicable characteristics of humans. And it's always about ordinary people. Ugh. BRIAN Yes. Ordinary people are of no interest to me whatsoever. Mother! NINA (Waking up). Oh, you're back. How did it go, dear? BRIAN My bassoon playing was pretty good but it was one of those hoodoo performances…(He laughs). RUTH Oh no. (Gleefully anticipating one of Brian's funny disaster stories) What on earth happened? BRIAN It began well enough. (To Nina) Every now and then there's a "hoodoo night" when everything seems to go wrong. Well this evening a chum of mine, the second clarinettist, Alistair Goldie, came up to a rather energetic section…(Brian chuckles helplessly) His huge black bow tie which is automated and clips to the wings of his collar…Well it's rather weak with age! And during one of these typical Sullivan two-two's in fast sixth eighths time when we in "The Wind" are producing bar after bar of staccato quavers…(He chuckles again) His Adam's apple worked so violently… 41 RUTH shrieks and is nearly on the floor. NINA starts to laugh and choke at the same time. BRIAN …the spring snapped and the bow tie took off … like a malevolent black butterfly it flew right over the startled heads of the second violinists… causing them to take swipes at it with their instruments! They finish laughing. NINA You can be such fun Brian. I don't know why you don't get a job on television as a comedian, you'd be much better than the ones they have on. You could earn some money for a change. BRIAN Thank you mother. I'll drop the BBC a line in the morning. NINA Our family had such fun in the old days, Ruth, before Puggy and Jack disappeared. As an outsider you can't imagine how close knit we were. I was thinking and laughing this morning over that ludicrous incident in Stoke Canon and the piano chords. Do you remember, Brian? BRIAN It was on a bleak winter's night wasn't it? NINA Brian was still a schoolboy. We were all in the dining room, round the pressure lamp which was our only illumination, when we heard … several chords struck on the piano in the drawing room. RUTH Oh, my God. NINA Well, we all looked at each other with a wild surmise. 42 BRIAN Daddy formed an investigatory procession… NINA Oh, yes! BRIAN …With himself in the lead, distinctly nervous. NINA Jack behind him . Then Brian, second. Then me with little Joan clinging to me in terror. We all crept down the dark corridor…Your father in the lead with a candle… BRIAN …in great trepidation… NINA Nothing could we see or hear of course. RUTH Gosh. I don't find that funny. It's sounds terrifying. "M" (Casually) The funny part of it was that I had struck those chords on the piano and then crept into the room at the end of the crocodile. BRIAN sighs and tut-tuts. "M" leaves with a mischievous look. RUTH Would you like a cup of Horlicks, Nina? NINA Nina? You're supposed to call me Rulor. You always used to call me Rulor. RUTH I don't remember… NINA Why don't you any more? 43 BRIAN Oh, that ridiculous astrological name. Really, Mother! NINA My friends still call me Rulor! BRIAN (To RUTH) I should explain, darling, that when the three were on their way to Amazonia, aboard the liner to Rio, they shared a dinner table with an American poseur called Zarh Pritchard. He explained that vibrations of names had a lifelong effect. And he convinced Daddy that the names "Percy Harrison Fawcett" had been a serious obstacle to him all his life. Well Daddy, who hated his names, immediately agreed and fell for it all hook line and sinker. After calculations, this parlour occultist worked out that if Daddy changed his name to "Zahaz" his future success was assured. Jack was also asking for trouble if he persisted keeping his present name and only by replacing it with "Sajas" would he have an easy path. As for Raleigh Rimell…Well he could really expect the worst with a name like that. But change it to "Roxor" and all would be well. The three credulous explorers seriously adopted these new names. It was a foolish mistake. For a long tiring walk in rough country, one sensibly wears shoes that have shaped themselves comfortably to the feet - not new ones. I and Joan were posted new names which we rejected absolutely …but mother of course… NINA What a shame you didn't have more respect for your father. Or your elder brother for that matter. You could have gone on that final expedition. They would have taken you, had you shown an iota of interest. You were obsessed with steam trains. It's astonishing how little intellect or creative ability you've acquired despite all the schooling we've given you. RUTH I'll just see to the washing up. Yüklə 5,01 Kb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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