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Ulysses 

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crowned by the reflection of the reindeer antlered hatrack in the 

hall.) 

SHAKESPEARE: (In dignified ventriloquy) ‘Tis the loud 

laugh bespeaks the vacant mind. (To Bloom) Thou 

thoughtest as how thou wastest invisible. Gaze. (He crows 

with a black capon’s laugh) Iagogo! How my Oldfellow 

chokit his Thursdaymornun. Iagogogo! 

BLOOM: (Smiles yellowly at the three whores) When will 

I hear the joke? 

ZOE: Before you’re twice married and once a 

widower. 

BLOOM: Lapses are condoned. Even the great 

Napoleon when measurements were taken next the skin 

after his death ... 

(Mrs Dignam, widow woman, her snubnose and cheeks 

flushed with deathtalk, tears and Tunney’s tawny sherry, hurries 

by in her weeds, her bonnet awry, rouging and powdering her 

cheeks, lips and nose, a pen chivvying her brood of cygnets. 

Beneath her skirt appear her late husband’s everyday trousers and 

turnedup boots, large eights. She holds a Scottish widows’ 

insurance policy and a large marquee umbrella under which her 

brood run with her, Patsy hopping on one shod foot, his collar 

loose, a hank of porksteaks dangling, freddy whimpering, Susy 

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with a crying cod’s mouth, Alice struggling with the baby. She 

cuffs them on, her streamers flaunting aloft.) 

FREDDY: Ah, ma, you’re dragging me along! 

SUSY: Mamma, the beeftea is fizzing over! 

SHAKESPEARE:  (With paralytic rage) Weda seca 

whokilla farst. 

(The face of Martin Cunningham, bearded, refeatures 

Shakespeare’s beardless face. The marquee umbrella sways 

drunkenly, the children run aside. Under the umbrella appears 

Mrs Cunningham in Merry Widow hat and kimono gown. She 

glides sidling and bowing, twirling japanesily.) 

MRS CUNNINGHAM: (Sings) 

And they call me the jewel of Asia!  

MARTIN CUNNINGHAM: (Gazes on her, impassive) 

Immense! Most bloody awful demirep! 

STEPHEN: Et exaltabuntur cornua iusti. Queens lay with 

prize bulls. Remember Pasiphae for whose lust my 

grandoldgrossfather made the first confessionbox. Forget 

not Madam Grissel Steevens nor the suine scions of the 

house of Lambert. And Noah was drunk with wine. And 

his ark was open. 

BELLA: None of that here. Come to the wrong shop. 

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LYNCH: Let him alone. He’s back from Paris. 

ZOE: (Runs to stephen and links him) O go on! Give us 

some parleyvoo. 

(Stephen claps hat on head and leaps over to the fireplace 

where he stands with shrugged shoulders, finny hands outspread, 

a painted smile on his face.) 

LYNCH:  (Oommelling on the sofa) Rmm Rmm Rmm 

Rrrrrrmmmm. 

STEPHEN:  (Gabbles with marionette jerks) Thousand 

places of entertainment to expense your evenings with 

lovely ladies saling gloves and other things perhaps hers 

heart beerchops perfect fashionable house very eccentric 

where lots cocottes beautiful dressed much about 

princesses like are dancing cancan and walking there 

parisian clowneries extra foolish for bachelors foreigns the 

same if talking a poor english how much smart they are on 

things love and sensations voluptuous. Misters very selects 

for is pleasure must to visit heaven and hell show with 

mortuary candles and they tears silver which occur every 

night. Perfectly shocking terrific of religion’s things 

mockery seen in universal world. All chic womans which 

arrive full of modesty then disrobe and squeal loud to see 

vampire man debauch nun very fresh young with dessous 

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troublants. (He clacks his tongue loudly) Ho, la la! Ce pif qu’il 

a! 

LYNCH: Vive le vampire! 

THE WHORES: Bravo! Parleyvoo! 

STEPHEN:  (Grimacing with head back, laughs loudly, 

clapping himself) Great success of laughing. Angels much 

prostitutes like and holy apostles big damn ruffians. 

Demimondaines nicely handsome sparkling of diamonds 

very amiable costumed. Or do you are fond better what 

belongs they moderns pleasure turpitude of old mans? (He 

points about him with grotesque gestures which Lynch and the 

whores reply to) Caoutchouc statue woman reversible or 

lifesize tompeeptom of virgins nudities very lesbic the kiss 

five ten times. Enter, gentleman, to see in mirror every 

positions trapezes all that machine there besides also if 

desire act awfully bestial butcher’s boy pollutes in warm 

veal liver or omlet on the belly pièce de Shakespeare. 

BELLA:  (Clapping her belly sinks back on the sofa, with a 

shout of laughter) An omelette on the ... Ho! ho! ho! ho! ... 

omelette on the ... 

STEPHEN:  (Mincingly) I love you, sir darling. Speak 

you englishman tongue for double entente cordiale. O yes, 

mon loup. How much cost? Waterloo. Watercloset. (He 

ceases suddenly and holds up a forefinger) 

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