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Emotional development in school-aged children

The world of school-aged children

During middle childhood, the child’s world begins to expand beyond the home and local community. By the end of this stage children:

begin to form a society of their own

greatly start to enjoy and value the companionship of their peers

share fewer of their inner thoughts with adults

are more capable and self-sufficient and so demand less of their parents’ time.

In some aspects there seems to be less dramatic change during this stage, compared to the earlier stages. Personality traits are usually well established and tend to persist throughout these years.

Social and emotional development

Although we may not be as privy to the school-aged child’s world any more, we can learn a lot about them. This is because during this period their development has reached a stage where:

they express themselves readily in language

their memories are well formulated

they start to develop and learn the skills and behaviours of their culture

they can participate in all the leisure activities that adults doperhaps not with the same refinement or precision but certainly with the same enthusiasm

their minds are curious: when supporting school-aged children’s development, carers will find themselves being constantly challenged by curious minds and growing social abilities and interests.

Remember, there are individual differences in the rate of development of school-aged children—just as in the earlier stages.

School-aged children’s development in the social–emotional domain strongly influences the way they develop in the other domains. They now experience new relationships and interactions. These have major effects on their social and emotional development. While many children meet these new challenges with excitement and success, others become overwhelmed and stressed.

The theorist Urie Bronfenbrenner sees the world in which children grow as having a major influence on their development. You will remember that he describes this as a two-way influence. The nature of the child will influence the way people in the environment will interact with that child. Bronfenbrenner identifies family, school, peers and friends as having a significant influence on children’s development. He also believes that the relationships between these influences (ie family and school; friends and family; etc) could have an effect on children’s’ development.

Self-concept and self-esteem

The development of self-concept has been identified as the most significant milestone of the child aged five to 12 years. You will remember that self-concept is the picture that we have of ourselves in terms of our skills, qualities and abilities. Self-esteem is the value we place on our skills, qualities and abilities and how we believe others value us in terms of our skills and abilities.

In middle childhood there is a shift in children’s self-concept. Their self-concept is no longer based on their physical characteristics and skills. They now start to describe themselves in terms of qualities and abilities. For example, they might describe themselves as being a kind person, a good child, a good fielder or a terrible reader.

School-aged children now start to compare themselves with others. They start to judge their skills and abilities against the skills and abilities of others. They also look for more information about themselves from more people. For example, how they compare to others at school, their friends down the road or people in their sporting team. They also become more skilled at reading the messages they gain from other people and consider tone of voice, facial expression and body language as part of the feedback. They may then modify their self-concept and this can change their self-esteem.

During middle childhood, children need to learn skills and to be involved in tasks where they feel a sense of achievement and responsibility. They need to feel important to other people and valued by other people.

It’s important to look at success in terms of effort, not only in terms of achievement. Coming first or winning awards or being best are not the only ways of being successful. Children need to learn that success can be looked at in different ways. The amount of effort or playing fairly or sticking at a task are all ways children (or adults) can be successful.

During middle childhood children no longer seem content to play just for the enjoyment of playing. From about six years old, children want to put their energies into producing something real.

If children’s efforts and achievements are praised, respected and encouraged then children feel successful and competent. If children’s efforts and achievements are laughed at, criticised or ignored, they will feel a failure and incompetent.

Children also become very aware of how others expect them to perform and will begin to feel incompetent if they don’t live up to the expectations of others.

A child who feels successful and competent:

has a happy personality

is keen to try new things

shows persistence at tasks

has friendships with other children

will take on responsibility.

Children during middle childhood can:

be very sensitive to the criticism of others

be very sensitive about how well they do things (eg, read, write, play sport, make friends, speak publicly, make things in craft)

experience mood changes

worry about what others think of them.

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Significant people in a child’s life are people who matter to the child. Strangers (for example, a person on the bus) may say something negative or positive to a child but this does not have the same impact as when a father or a particular friend says the same thing.

Significant others in a child's life

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Influences on the development of self-concept and self-esteem

From the scenarios above, you can see that the feedback children receive from significant others will influence their development of self-concept and self-esteem.

Family

A child’s family can have a big impact on their development of self-concept and self-esteem. However, as they begin to spend more time away from their family, the influence can lessen.

Today, children grow up in a wide range of family types. There are nuclear families (two parents and children), single-parent families (the mother or father is responsible for the care and upbringing of the children), extended families (families which include aunts, uncles, cousins and/or grandparents), same-gender families (the parents are of the same gender) and blended families (families whose members include children from both parents’ previous relationships).

No matter which family type children grow up in, if they feel loved, safe and secure they will develop a sense of belonging and they will develop positive self-esteem. However, if they feel unsafe and insecure they may develop feelings of low self-worth and low self-esteem.

The way children’s behaviour is managed in the family will also influence their developing self-concept. If they are harshly criticised or humiliated when punished, they are more likely to develop a poor self-concept and low self-esteem. However, where rules are clearly and fairly developed through discussion and children are able to relate actions to consequences, they are more likely to develop positive feelings about themselves.

Siblings

When we talk about siblings we mean brothers and sisters. Did you grow up with brothers and sisters? Do you remember fights and squabbles or were your siblings close friends?

Siblings can be a great source of support for school-aged children. Older brothers and sisters can help school-aged children with the development of skills, homework, or help them resolve conflicts that they are experiencing outside the home.

However, siblings can also be unsupportive. They can be overly competitive; this is called sibling rivalry. In some family situations, when school-aged children do something, excel at some activity or gain some skill, they may get negative feedback from their brothers or sisters. This may be because their siblings feel threatened by the achievements or jealous that others have learned to do something that they have not yet been able to do. If school-aged children continually get negative responses from their siblings they are more likely to develop low self-esteem. Sibling rivalry is quite common and it is also common for siblings to be both supportive and critical at different times.

Peers

Peers have a significant influence on school-aged children’s development of self-concept and self-esteem. The feedback that school-aged children receive from their peers is valuable because peers are viewed as being equals or having equal status. The peer group will allow children to gather some self-knowledge about their skills and abilities. So if the peer group recognises that a particular child is a really good swimmer, then the child is more likely to believe it than if their parents told them.

During middle childhood children make friends with others of the same gender and of similar socio-economic background, popularity and interests. At school there are usually a number of peer groups within each class. There is usually one group which everyone would like to be part of. This is often referred to as the popular group, or the ‘in’ or ‘cool’ group. Children’s happiness and feelings of self-esteem can be influenced by whether or not they are included in this group on any particular day.

Carers and teachers

Were you ever treated unfairly by a carer or a teacher when you were a school-aged child? My guess is that if you were, you still remember the incident as if it happened yesterday. When my father was in his eighties he used to recall a story about how he was punished for something he didn’t do when he was eight years old!

As carers or teachers we play a significant role in children’s lives. If we treat them with respect and fairness we will enjoy positive relationships with them. We will be able to support their development of positive self-esteem. However, if we criticise them, or are harsh in our judgments and inconsistent in our responses, we will have poor relationships with children and will contribute to their low feelings of worth. Remember, we need to only criticise the behaviour, not the child!

School-aged—stress

Stress is the term we use to describe the pressure or anxiety we feel when events seem to overwhelm us and seem out of our control. School-aged children can experience stress in a number of situations. Stress can interfere with positive social relationships, the development of social skills and self-esteem.

School-aged—fears

Much of the school-aged child’s stress is related to their fears. Because they are less egocentric now, have broader social experiences and have a more effective memory and thinking skills, they have new concerns. They are now much more aware of issues such as physical safety, media events, school expectations, family relationships, peer relationships, health issues for family members, hospitalisation, abuse and poverty.

School-aged children are more aware of media events

For example, if they see a report on an earthquake disaster on television, they may worry that they too may experience an earthquake. If they know that their friend’s parents have divorced, they may start to worry when they hear their parents arguing. If a relative has died in hospital, they may start to fear that if anyone they know goes to hospital they too may die.

It’s important that we accept children’s fears as being real. When we provide information about their fears, they are more likely to be able to deal with them. The difficulty is, of course, that many children will hide their fears because they think people may think that they are silly or they may worry about being teased. When this happens, they may engage in acting out or withdrawn behaviour. We therefore need to be sensitive to children’s moods. If we develop positive relationships with children, they are more likely to feel comfortable in telling us about their fears and we can then help them come to terms with these fears.

School-aged—anger

The causes of anger and the way children express angry feelings also change in middle childhood. As children become older and less egocentric they become angry about such things they view as ‘unfair’ or ‘not right’ (eg cruelty to animals, unfair punishment). Frustration about not being able to do something will still lead to angry feelings.

Children in middle childhood tend to express their anger by:

physical aggression—this is more common among boys than girls and declines for both boys and girls as they get older

verbal outbursts; this is more common among girls than boys

sulking.

School-aged—bullying

Being bullied is unfortunately not a new situation. Bullying has been going on in school, out of school and in neighbourhoods for generations. Children have been thumped, harassed and humiliated for years. Both boys and girls can be the victims of bullying and both boys and girls can be bullies.

In recent years there has been more media attention given to bullying and its effects. There is a changing attitude towards bullying and schools and out-of-school-hours services for children have developed policies and strategies to try and prevent bullying in these environments.

The victims of bullying behaviour often develop poor social skills, experience nightmares and perhaps fears about walking to and from school. They are less likely to learn at school and usually develop a poor self-concept and low self-esteem.

It is important that we discourage bullying when working with school-aged children. We need to work with children to set firm limits for unacceptable behaviour, monitor both indoor and outdoor play spaces and reward consistent positive behaviour.

School-aged—crises

A crisis can be described as an event that is traumatic and unexpected. A crisis is stressful and causes huge anxiety for those who are involved.

Typical crisis situations include separation or divorce of parents, death of a parent or sibling, hospitalisation, chronic illness, moving house, domestic violence or the death of a pet. Any of these situations can be severely stressful for a child.

Even though their thinking skills now allow them to understand more about how things happen, they still can’t always understand the way things happen and the broader implications.

A crisis can affect all areas of development. If you read the following story you will see how this can happen.

Recently a ten-year-old girl was diagnosed as having a very rare form of cancer. The family were in a crisis situation, not only for the ill child but also for the parents, siblings and grandparents. The parents immediately took the child to the city for treatment and the siblings were entrusted to their grandparents. Routines were disrupted, responsibilities changed and anxiety and fear ran rampant within this family. For the next few months, each of the family members were filled with anxiety. To some degree, each was experiencing their own crisis. The ten-year-old was scared and thrust into the unfamiliar environment of the hospital. The siblings aged five and eight were separated from their parents and moved into the home of their grandparents. Their safe, secure and predictable life had been disrupted. The grandparents were no longer relaxed in their retirement for they once again had to deal with caring for young children and the responsibilities associated with that task. Of course the parents not only were filled with anxiety about their child’s uncertain future but also how they were going to be able to keep their jobs to pay the bills.

The responses of the children were significant. After some days, the five-year-old started asking for his family and appeared to start to lose confidence in both new and familiar situations. He would cry when left at school and stayed close to the teacher at all times. He started to wet the bed and developed a constant whining tone when he spoke. Later he became angry and expressed his desire for everyone to return home.

The eight-year-old appeared to be grieving the loss of her family and her sibling, especially as she was also her best friend. Until this time she had been a spirited child. Gradually she started to become overly compliant and extraordinarily helpful to her grandparents and at school. As the weeks wore on and the absence of those she loved extended, she wished she was the one who was sick because then she would have her mum and dad’s undivided attention. Then it seemed to hit that her sister might die. She started having nightmares about her sister and her parents dying.

The ten-year-old initially seemed too sick to care. However, as her treatment progressed and her illness was explained by doctors, hospital staff and her parents, she seemed to develop a new confidence and sense of control of her destiny. She seemed to develop an inner strength as she learned more about her progress and at the same time because of her increased interaction with adults, started to become precocious. When she returned home, she appeared detached from her siblings and unable to relate to them.

From this situation, it is possible to see that because the five-year-old had less understanding of what was happening, his stress was expressed by him reverting to earlier behaviours. The eight-year-old had more understanding of the crisis, however, and it changed the way she interacted with other people. The ten-year-old understood more about the crisis but had the support of her parents and so her thinking skills developed and she extended her language and social skills with adults.

When children are experiencing a crisis it is important that we listen to what they are saying about it and what they are not saying. We may need to comfort and reassure them. If we ensure that we develop positive relationships with children, we will gain their trust and then we will be able to provide more support for them. We can look at practical options that could be available to support the children and their families during crisis situations.

School-aged—happiness

Not all emotions school-aged children experience are negative. They also experience the positive feelings of joy, pleasure and mirth. If you walk past a school playground at recess you will usually hear peals of laughter as children play and interact with one another.

When children are feeling good about themselves and enjoying the companionship of others, they will show happiness. If they receive a gift or are looking forward to a birthday party or visits from relatives, they will show happiness. If you have been involved with a sleep-over you will know about the giggling and laughter that goes on for hours into the night! This is happiness.

When children are not happy, their body language tells the story. Shoulders are drooped, faces are sad and movements are sluggish. Children who have no friends or who don’t feel valued or happy at home will demonstrate this behaviour. When things aren’t going well in children’s lives and they are unhappy, they may become withdrawn, demanding or aggressive. How do you behave when you aren’t happy? I know for me it’s not much different to this.

Steve Biddulph’s book, The Secret of Happy Children, includes some useful suggestions to help children feel happy. It’s worth a look if you have access to a TAFE library.

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