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Involve children in decision-making where circumstances safely allow

Autonomy or independence

Eloise has always been a very easy-going baby, but at the age of 20 months she seems less so. She screams ‘No!’ when it’s bedtime, dinnertime or even when it’s time to go outside to play. When it’s time to get dressed, she insists on putting her own shoes on then throws a tantrum if her mother tries to help her or if she gets them on the wrong feet.

What has happened here? Why has Eloise changed from an easy-going baby to a somewhat obstinate toddler? Eloise has discovered that ‘no’ is a powerful social word and that it seems to have a great impact on her mother.

Toddlers are well-known for their negativism

Toddlers are well known for their negativism. Negativism is defined as the toddler’s absolute and intentional refusal to do as an adult asks. Toddlers shout ‘no’ or they ignore the adult completely. Negativism is an attempt by the child to be independent and exert control over a situation. Negativism is at its most intense between the ages of 18 months and three years. After age three this behaviour starts to decline.

Significant social and emotional changes lead toddlers to behave in new and challenging ways in the second year of life.

Toddlers are now aware of themselves as separate beings. They are moving away from total dependence on their carers and wanting to do things for themselves. The new skills they are developing give them the necessary tools for doing some things independently.

Their gross and fine motor skills now enable toddlers to go where they want to go and do tasks for themselves. Their new cognitive skills mean that they can now think about their own ideas and experiment and discover things for themselves. Their language skills enable them to tell others what they want or need or what they are interested in.

What are the implications for carers?

We have learnt that toddlers need to feel independent. They need to have support, encouragement, achievable tasks and time to do things for themselves. However, they also need to be protected from harm and guided so that they learn what is acceptable behaviour. They need to have their attempts at independence recognised and valued if they are to develop a sense of autonomy and positive self-esteem.

We can promote toddlers’ striving for autonomy by providing an environment and materials that allow as much independence as possible. We do, however, need to set reasonable limits on behaviour and be consistent in managing and maintaining limits. The limits should be put in place to protect the child.

It’s important that toddlers are encouraged to make choices. However, if you want toddlers to do something, you will need to limit those choices. For example, you are likely to gain more cooperation if you say to the toddler, ‘Will you have your dinner before or after your bath? If you ask the question, ‘Do you want to have your bath now?’ or ‘Are you ready to have your dinner now?’, the most likely response is ‘no’ and you will find yourself in conflict with a very obstinate little person.

Helping toddlers make decisions

If we give toddlers the opportunity to make simple decisions, we are helping them develop a sense of competence and autonomy. When we encourage toddlers to decide whether they want a glass of milk or a glass of water, we are helping them develop a greater sense of themselves as being important and competent individuals. However, as I said earlier, it is better to limit their decision making to choosing between two acceptable options.

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Cultural differences in the development of autonomy

Cultural beliefs and practices may affect the degree to which children will seek autonomy. For instance, indigenous American parents have been found to emphasise restraint and control in toddlerhood, not independence and self-expression. Puerto Rican mothers encourage physical closeness, respect for and obedience to adults, tranquil behaviour and good manners, even during the toddler stage.

It seems that parental expectations will have an effect on the development of autonomy, as, too, will methods of discipline and a child’s personality. It seems that when parents foster independence, they will be more supportive of the development of autonomy. However, when dependence and obedience are valued, behaviour guidance strategies are put into place so that children are less autonomous.

Acknowledge, encourage and appreciate children’s efforts and identify and celebrate children’s social, emotional and psychological successes

Self-esteem

Self-esteem is an important part of a person’s self-concept. (If you remember, self-concept is the picture we have of ourselves and self-esteem is the value we place upon those qualities, skills and attributes.) Toddlers who develop a sense of autonomy or control over their lives are more likely to develop positive self-esteem. Much of this is dependent upon the feedback they receive from us as carers.

Self-esteem begins to emerge in toddlers’ second year. The feedback they receive from us as caregivers will help facilitate the development of self-esteem.

Toddlers now need recognition for their achievements. So, if we give them praise and encouragement for a newly accomplished skill, they will feel good about themselves. For example, if they pour milk from a jug into a cup without spilling too much, we need to give them positive feedback for their efforts.

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How can we support the development of self-concept and self-esteem?

Children need support in developing new skills. They also need positive feedback from us for their efforts. If we give children achievable tasks then we allow them to experience success. Sometimes it is necessary to break tasks down into smaller steps so that they are more achievable.

Children need opportunities to demonstrate and practise their skills, so sometimes by giving them responsibility we will be recognising their skills. This will contribute to them having positive feelings about themselves and motivate them to try new things.

They also need to be accepted and valued by their teachers, carers, family and friends. They need to have a sense of belonging to a culture, a family, a class, a team and a peer group. Sometimes children will need help to gain acceptance by their peers. Sometimes we as carers will need to intervene by helping particular groups of children to focus on the less popular child’s particular skills. We could also help a child develop some special interests that could be shared with others in the group.

We can help shy children in our care become assertive. We can role-model socially acceptable behaviours and give children support as they enter a group situation. We can give them opportunities to take on a leadership role and help them learn cooperative behaviours. We can encourage them to do activities with one other child so that they can develop a relationship with that child.

When children have high self-esteem they are not only happy but they are more likely to succeed and be keen to try new things. They will persist at tasks for longer periods and they are more likely to be accepted by peers and will develop friendships with other children. In short, they will develop a healthy personality.

A final note on self-esteem

We need to note that children do not have either high self-esteem all the time or low self-esteem all the time. It is possible for children to have high self-esteem in some areas such as sport or reading and have low self-esteem in other areas such as maths or music. Children’s judgments of themselves sometimes change when they get new responses from significant people. If they start to get positive feedback for their efforts in maths, for instance, they may start to feel better about themselves in terms of maths and start to develop higher self-esteem in this area.

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Give individual attention to each child

Temperament

Temperament refers to the inborn or natural way we respond to events, experiences and people. Some believe that a baby’s temperament is the beginning of the child–adult personality which will develop over time as a result of environmental influences.

You can probably identify different temperaments among your family and friends. You may know someone who is very placid and slow to react in different situations while another person may become very excited or angry quickly. Someone else may resist change and like routine so that their life is predictable.

Each newborn baby enters life with his or her own unique temperament. This basic inborn temperament will influence the way the baby responds to the world and the way caregivers and others will interact with them.

Three basic temperament types have been identified:

The ‘easy’ baby: this baby is placid and accepts change easily. About 40 per cent of babies fall into this category.

The ‘slow to warm up’ baby: this baby initially withdraws, but given time and encouragement will accept change. About 15 per cent of babies fall into this category.

The ‘difficult’ baby (sometimes called ‘high need’ babies): this baby is easily distressed and is disturbed by changes to routines. About 10 per cent of babies fall into this category.

This accounts for 65 per cent of babies, so there are another 35 per cent of babies who don’t fit neatly into these well-defined types but rather are a mixture of all three.

What sort of baby were you? You might like to ask people who knew you as a baby the following questions.

Did I sleep a lot?

Did I cry a lot?

Did I smile a lot?

Was I easy to settle?

The answers to these questions may give you an idea of your temperament when you were a baby and maybe the kind of temperament you have today.

Temperament and caregiving implications

Temperament can influence the relationship and interaction between a caregiver and a baby. Good caregiving practice is sensitive to the baby’s temperament. The term ‘goodness of fit’ has been used by researchers to describe a meshing of the caregiving style with the baby’s temperament. When the caregiving style meshes with the baby’s temperament, things are easier for both caregiver and baby.

Babies with a ‘difficult’ temperament will usually thrive in a structured, predictable environment with routines for sleep, feeding and bathing. They don’t respond well to being taken out to new places and being fed and put to sleep in strange environments. They cry with great intensity when distressed.

Sometimes a baby may be identified as a baby with a difficult temperament when really the baby is distressed because she or he is uncomfortable or has a particular condition. If a baby is continually distressed and hard to settle, then advice should be sought from a doctor or early childhood nurse. For example, a baby may have a condition known as reflux (milk is brought up after a feed) and in this case the baby needs to be fed on demand rather than on a strict schedule.

A child with an ‘easy’ temperament ‘goes with the flow’, as they adapt to changes quite easily. A caregiver can take the baby out to new places and the baby will cope with changes to feeding and sleeping arrangements.

‘Slow to warm up’ babies need time to feel comfortable in new situations. A caregiver needs to work in with the baby’s need to be introduced slowly to new experiences.

Respond to children’s feelings openly and with respect

Some of the ways you can ensure that your interactions with children are frequent, caring and respectful are to:

spend time with each child

communicate interest and respect

follow up on interactions

respect children's privacy.

We need to ‘tune in’ to children in order to make sure our interactions are appropriate to their individual requirements. In this way we accord children the respect they deserve and can be sure that interactions and provisions we use will interest and stimulate individual children.

We particularly need to encourage children aged two to six years to identify their own feelings, express them appropriately and develop coping strategies to deal with change and stress in their lives.

Praise and encouragement given to children needs to be sincere and realistically reflect what has happened—it is inappropriate to just say ‘well done’ or ‘good boy/girl’. Caregivers need to ensure that children know what they did and why it is valued.

Recognise issues of concern related to child’s participation in experiences, for emotional and psychological development

As children learn more about how to interact positively with others, there may be an increasing incidence of children withdrawing from a group situation if they are feeling uncertain or not included. Alternately, these children may become quite disruptive and antagonistic towards others to ensure that the group is noticing them. Children may begin to mask their true feelings by displaying one that they think is more acceptable, especially to hide uncertainty or embarrassment.

It is extremely important that carers get to know each child well and are able to quickly identify the messages the child is communicating through non-verbal methods. If carers are able to do this successfully, the child continues to feel valued and respected.

Conduct and record, in line with work role, observations of children’s behaviour or other expressions that may indicate social, emotional or psychological concerns

You need to develop your observational skills to be able to gather key information about individual children. We are often very good at picking up on other adults’ reactions during interactions but are sometimes less skilful in seeing and interpreting children’s behaviour. Sometimes this is difficult as we cannot rely on children using sophisticated language to tell us what they want, and some of the cues children use may be quite subtle.

Caregivers need to know the children in their care and notice when changes in behaviour occur. These changes should be discussed with the family and with the other room staff so possible causes can be explored.

Sometimes stress and associated behaviours are short term and can be easily managed whereas long term concerns need to not only be addressed and strategies developed to manage the stress but also monitored on a regular basis.

Remember from your Readings for CHCCHILD401A the signs that may indicate emotional abuse:

Signs in children

constant feelings of worthlessness about life and themselves	inability to value others
lack of trust in people	lack of people skills necessary for daily functioning
extreme attention-seeking behaviour	other behavioural disorders e.g. bullying, disruptiveness, aggressiveness
exposure to domestic violence	suicide threats or attempts
persistent running away from home

Children who are experiencing emotional, social and/or psychological difficulties may experience sleeplessness, nightmares, stomach aches, headaches, nausea and may become withdrawn or engage in acting our behaviour. However, school age children become very skilled at hiding their feelings and it might not be obvious to carers that they experiencing stress. Often a child’s inappropriate response or behaviour conceal deeper underlying feelings. If you feel concern for any child in your care, even if they are not displaying any of these symptoms you should report your concerns to your supervisor.