Power Questions: Build Relationships, Win New Business, and Influence Others

of your job do you wish you could spend more time on, and what
things do you wish you could do less of?”
Suggestions for How to Use This Question

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“What parts of your job do you wish you
could spend more time on, and what things
do you wish you could do less of?”
Many factors influence how we spend our time: Historic accident, other peoples’
demands, and our tendency to follow the path of least resistance. By stepping back, we
can often finally see the forest and not just the trees.
This question is a wonderful way to get people talking about their job—whether it's
running a company or running a household. You'll lead them down a path of reflection
that may result in joyous and transformative changes.
When to use the question
To invite another person to talk about their position and their role in an
organization.
In particular, around the time of someone's anniversary in a job—one year, three
years, and so on.
To explore a friend, colleague, or family member's life and help them understand
how they might refocus their time.
Alternative versions of the question
“Which are the most enjoyable parts of your job, and which parts do you find
least enjoyable?”
“If you had an extra couple of hours in each week, how would you spend them?”
“What do you wish you could devote more time to?”
Follow-up questions
“What's getting in the way of making that change?”
“I know it's difficult to drop or spend less time on some of those things you
mentioned. . .but what might possibly enable you to do that?”

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19
A Tempest-Tossed Topic
The waiter brings three steaming entrees to our dinner table. Then a
moment later, two more.
I'm having dinner with Chuck Colson and his wife, Patty. We're at our
favorite Chinese restaurant. Chuck is my hero.
I thought I knew just about every detail in his life—virtually every bit of
information. At dinner, I uncovered something more. That's because I asked
a question I had never raised with him before.
In a moment, I'll tell you about the question I asked. It's truly a power
question. When I ask it, we talk for two full hours—from Moo Shu pork to
fortune cookies.
But first, let me tell you about Charles W. Colson. I'll give you only a
peek into this extraordinary man's life. His autobiography, Born Again, sold
over 3 million copies. (The royalties for this bestseller went entirely to the
founding of Prison Fellowship. In fact, the royalties for all his many books
are given to this ministry.)
You may remember him going to jail because of his involvement in the
Watergate scandal and the conspiracy. (He actually never did take part in
this—but that's another story.)
Still in his thirties, Chuck became Special Counsel to President Nixon.
His office was right next to the hideaway office of the President. Nixon
hated the Oval Office and spent most of his time in his secluded sanctuary.
Chuck was part of Nixon's unofficial Cabinet. He was included in major
policy issues. It would not be unusual for Colson to be called at two in the
morning for a chat or to be summoned into Nixon's office regularly during
the day.
But I knew all that. And, of course, I knew about his going to prison
because of trumped-up evidence about his involvement in the conspiracy.

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A question I had never asked Chuck before, that I often ask others, was:
“What was the most difficult question you have ever been asked?
I wasn't at all prepared for Chuck's response. I thought it would have
something to do with his founding of Prison Fellowship.
Colson says that going to prison was the most significant thing that ever
happened to him. The New York Times wrote, “Colson's life displayed the
most extraordinary redemption in history.”
His three-year sentence was committed to seven months. But in that time,
the seeds were planted for Prison Fellowship. He says it's not what happens
to you in life that matters. It's how you handle it that determines your
character.
Prison Fellowship grew to become the largest organization in the world
for the rehabilitation of prisoners. It operates in 110 countries. A large
percentage of its graduates stay out of prison after their release, unlike the
vast majority of other prisoners who are soon back behind bars. Colson is
the father of a movement that has now spawned hundreds of similar
organizations.
Back to my question: “What is the most difficult question you have ever
been asked?” It turns out it has nothing to do with his time in prison, nor all
his years as the world's greatest reformer of prisoners. I'll let him tell the
story as he told it to me.
“President Nixon calls me into his office. It's late at night. We're sitting
alone.
“I can tell you, we're all feeling pretty ecstatic. His second term victory
was at the time the largest landslide in the history of the country. He could
do no wrong.” (It's before Watergate.)
“He explains to me he just received a cable from Henry Kissinger
(Secretary of State). Kissinger strongly suggests that at the same time we
are suing for peace in Vietnam, we should increase the bombing of North
Vietnam. This seems to him to be not only reasonable, but essential if we
are to be taken seriously by the North at the peace table.
But Kissinger tells Nixon something else. He says it is important that the
President explain to the American people why this is essential. That Nixon
open it up to public discussion and debate.

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“‘Chuck,’ Nixon says, ‘I'm not at all sure about this. I need to know what
you think. I trust your judgment. Should we carry on the bombing and go
back to the public to explain our policy?’
“It is a very tough call,” Chuck continues. “Kissinger is brilliant, and he
carries great clout with the President. But ultimately, I think he is wrong on
this one.
“It is also a difficult question because of the public outrage over the lack
of transparency around the war. Nixon has to balance the need to create
public debate and support against doing everything possible to force a peace
agreement.
“We talk a good bit more. It's a minefield, this question. But I finally tell
the President what I think: We should continue the bombing, but not try to
explain it. I am afraid it will lead to more bitter debate in the country and
contentious demonstrations. Everyone is sick about Vietnam and the war.
Most important, trying to explain it will undermine our chances for success
at the peace negotiations.
“That is the toughest question I've ever been asked. It is a harrowing,
complex issue. And you don't go up against the Secretary of State lightly.
“We do, by the way, sustain the bombing, which did in fact help speed the
peace negotiations.”
Reader, would you like to know more about the conspiracy, John Dean,
Ehrlichman, Haldeman, John Mitchell, and that whole bunch? Well. . .that's
another story for another time.
We often learn the most when we experience intense pressure—when
we are stretched and pushed. Learn from the deepest recesses of
someone's experience by asking, “What is the most difficult question