This zoo essay would get a good score for task response as it fully answers
the question by discussing both opinions and giving a personal opinion.
Ideas
are also well explained, extended and supported.
It would get a good score for coherence and cohesion as it is organised
coherently and logically and is easy to follow. The introduction introduces
the topic then there is a thesis statement.
One body paragraph discusses
one side of the argument, and the other
discusses the other side. The second body paragraph is also the writers
opinion, and this is summarised
again in the conclusion
.There is some interesting vocabulary and phrases. For example:
sanctuary for endangered animals
under threat from humans
habitats are being destroyed
poaching
produce offspring
successes in this respect
not meant to be caged
natural habitat
There are also some good complex grammatical constructions and the
grammar is precise. For example, the red words
show that some of these
are
adverbial
clauses
,
noun clauses
and
relative clauses
:
Although some people are of the opinion that zoos can provide a
sanctuary for endangered animals...
...seen for example in the way that their habitats are being destroyed...
...the argument is that zoos can protect some of these animals who are
under threat.
...trained staff who can ensure the animals are looked after...
Pandas who have been endangered...
...even though some species are under threat...
...While it may be fun and educational...
