In some countries, schoolchildren wear a uniform. In others, they can wear whatever they want at school. What are the advantages and disadvantages of having school uniforms?

In some countries, schoolchildren wear a uniform. In others, they can wear whatever they want at school. What are the advantages and disadvantages of having school uniforms?

It is true that more schools than ever before are adopting mandatory uniform policies today. Although this practice can be beneficial for students, this (it) may also cause problems for them and their families.

To begin with the positives, one of the main benefits of uniforms is that wearing them provides equality. When all students are obliged to wear clothes which look the same, those who come from unprivileged (underprivileged) families are less likely to be picked on or bullied for being less fashion-conscious or not being able to afford trendy suits, button-up shirts or special skirts. Another advantage is connected (relates) to unity. Having a dress code at school instills a sense of pride and belonging in students, which, in turn, promotes togetherness and close-knit relationships. In other words, educational establishments where uniforms are compulsory tend to experience fewer problems with discipline (‘discipline’ and ‘relationships’ are different things, so I don’t think ‘In other words’ can be used here as a linking device).
However, there are also worrying aspects that come with having a uniform, the most obvious of which is the violation of the freedom of choice. In general, students should have the right to express themselves in whichever way they want, including wearing any clothes of their interest. Forcing them to put on the same uniforms, in contrast, can limit their creativity and restrict self-expression. Furthermore, school uniforms can be almost prohibitively expensive for people on lower income. Parents who are not able to afford the trendy costly outfits for their children often experience a sense of guilt for not being good enough, which might further put a greater financial burden on them (how would them having guilt increase the financial burden?).
In conclusion, despite the benefits of fairness and order that school dress codes present, there are also drawbacks (relating to) of choice restriction and unaffordability brought by them.

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Overall: This was a nicely written essay with very solid grammar, vocab and structure. I think the main issues were the two logic/flow issues in the final sentences of both body paragraphs. These are highlighted in the comments above. I think these two elements will restrict the TR and CC scores to 7. Most of the other changes were just small improvements to word choices rather than corrections. The high level of accuracy could bring this one over 7.

Score: TR 7, CC 7, LR 8, GR 8 = 7.5