Microsoft Word Elisabeth Kubler-Ross On Death And Dying doc

DOCTOR: Do you want to finish this interview? We have only a few minutes left. Do you want to 
tell the group how you feel about the hospital treating you as the mother of a dying child. You want 
to be with her naturally as much as you possibly can. How much help have you gotten? 
 
MOTHER: Well, it was very nice back in the old hospital. They were very friendly; they are much 
busier in the new one and the service isn't quite as good. They always make me feel like I'm in the 
way when I'm here, the resident doctor and the intern especially. I'm just in their way. I even get 
where I hide out down the hall and try to sneak past him. I feel like a thief coming in and going out 
because they look at me as if to say, "Are you here again?" They just brush past me, you know, 
don't talk to me. I feel like I'm invading on something, like I shouldn't be here. But I do want to stay 
here, and the only reason I stay is because my child asked me to and she's never asked me to before. 
And I try to stay out of the way. In fact, I don't mean to be conceited, but I think I've helped a lot. 
They are very short-banded and I know the first two or three nights she was so bad, I don't know 
what she would have done because the nurses would avoid her and the older lady in the same room. 
The older lady had a heart attack and cannot even get on a bedpan and I had to help put her on 
some nights and my daughter would be throwing up and she needed to be washed and cared for and 
they just wouldn't do it. Somebody has to do it. 
 
STUDENT: Where do you sleep? 
 
MOTHER: In the chair right there. The first night I didn't have a pillow or a blanket or anything. 
One of the other patients who doesn't sleep with a pillow insisted that I take her pillow and I 
covered myself with my coat and then the next day I began bringing my own in. I guess I shouldn't 
tell it, but one of the janitors (chuckles) brings me a cup of coffee now and then. 
 
DOCTOR: Good for him. 
 
MOTHER: I feel like I shouldn't say all this, but I have to get it off my chest. 
 
DOCTOR: I think these things should be brought out. It is important to think about these things and 
talk about it, not beat around the bush and say everything is fine. 
 
MOTHER: No, as I was saying, the attitude of the doctors and nurses makes such a difference with 
the patients and family. 
 
DOCTOR: I should hope you had some good experiences, too. 
 
MOTHER: I should say. There's a girl who works at night-time and they have been taking things 
and several of the patients complained and nothing was done about it. She is still on the job and so 
these patients now lay awake at night waiting for her to come in the room because they are afraid of 
these things being stolen. And when she does come, she's very rude, you know, and extremely 
mean, and she's a maid. And then the next night a nice, tall colored boy came in to our door and he 
said, "Good evening. I'm here to make your night more cheerful," and his whole attitude was great. 
All night long he came when I pushed the bell. He was just wonderful. And the next morning both 
patients in the room were one hundred percent better and this makes the day so much better. 
 
DOCTOR: Thank you, Mrs. M. 

---

 
MOTHER: I hope I didn't talk too much. 
 
Following is the interview with Mrs. C., who felt that she could not face her own death because of 
the pressure of family obligations. 
 
DOCTOR: You said you had so many things that go through your head when you lay in bed alone 
and think. And so we offered to sit together for a while and just listen. One of your big questions 
involved your children. Is that correct? 
 
PATIENT: Yes, my biggest concern is my little daughter. I also have three sons. 
 
DOCTOR: They are almost grown up, though, aren't they? 
 
PATIENT: Yes, but I know that children react to very sick parents, especially when it is the mother. 
You know that these things do  have quite a bearing in childhood. I wonder what this might do to 
her when she grows up like this. When she grows up and looks back at those things. 
 
(P192) 
 
DOCTOR: What kind of things? 
 
PATIENT: Well, first the fact that her mother has become inactive. Much more inactive than she 
has ever been before, both in school and church activities. And I am more afraid now of who is 
taking care of my family. More afraid than when I was at home, even when I was inactive at home. 
A lot of times it is not known among the friends and nobody wants to talk about it. So I told others, 
I thought people should know it. And then I wonder if I did the right thing? I wonder if whether I 
did the right thing in letting my girl know that young, or whether it should have been postponed 
until later? 
 
DOCTOR: How did you tell her? 
 
PATIENT: Well, children are quite outright in the questions they ask. I was perfectly frank in the 
way I answered her. But I did it with feelings. I have always had a feeling of hope. A feeling of 
hope that they might discover something new any day and I still might have a chance. I was not 
afraid and I feel that she  should not be afraid. If the disease ever progressed to a state f 
hopelessness, that I could not function any more and that I would become too uncomfortable, I was 
not afraid to still go on. I hope that she was  developing and maturing through Sunday school work. 
If I only knew that she could go on and that she did not feel it was a tragedy. I never, never wanted 
her to feel that way. I just don't feel that way and that's how I talked with her. Many times I tried to 
be cheerful with her and she always thinks they are going to fix me  up in here. And this time again, 
she thinks they are going to fix me up in here! 
 
DOCTOR: You still have some hope but certainly not as much as your family has. Is this what you 
are saying? And it may be the difference of awareness that makes it more difficult. 
 

---