Microsoft Word Elisabeth Kubler-Ross On Death And Dying doc

PATIENT: Yes, because it is true, our son was very bad at Christmastime and in fact his dad took 
him back to the state hospital. He volunteered to go. He said, "I'll pack when we get home from 
church." Then he got down there and changed his mind and came home. His dad said he told him 
he wanted to go back home, so he took him home. Usually when this boy comes home this boy will 
pace back and forth. He cant even sit he is so restless sometimes. 
 
DOCTOR: How old is he? 
 
PATIENT: He's twenty-two. It's okay if you can cope with it and do something about it but when 
you cannot give him his answers or help him it is a terrific thing, just to talk to him. Not long ago I 
tried to explain what had happened when he was born and he seemed to understand. I said, "You 
have an illness like I have an illness and you have the roughest time sometimes. I know you have a 
terrifically rough time and I know how hard it is for you. In fact I give you a lot of credit for 
 
coming out of these rough times and settling down again," you know, and going on. I think he tried 
harder too, but you really have a mental condition there that you never quite know actually what to 
do about. 
 
CHAPLAIN: This has been a tension for you. It must tire you, I'm sure. 
 
PATIENT: That's right. I'm sure he's been my biggest problem. 
 
DOCTOR: Your father's first wife had little children and they were kind of distributed and now you 
have the same question yourself. What is going to happen to them? 
 
PATIENT: My biggest conflict is how can I keep them together, how can I keep from sending them 
to all sorts of institutions! Well, naturally I feel it will work out. If a person really becomes 
bedridden then you have an entirely different problem. I may become bedridden again and I say to 
my husband this will work itself out as the years went by but that hasn't happened. My father-in-
law had a very serious heart attack and actually we didn't think he'd do as well as he has. It has 
been amazing. But he is happy and yet sometimes I wonder if he wouldn't be happier in a situation 
with other old gentlemen the same age. 
 
DOCTOR: Then you could send him to a nursing home? 
 
PATIENT: Yes, it would not be as hard as he thinks it would be. But he is so proud of being with 
his son and his wife. He was raised in the town and was in the town all his life. 
 
CHAPLAIN: How old is he? 
 
PATIENT: He is eighty-one. 
 
DOCTOR: He is eighty-one and your mother is seventy-six? Mrs. C., I think we will have to finish 
because I promised not to make it longer than forty-five minutes. Yesterday you said nobody had 
talked with you about how your home problems affect you and your thoughts about dying. Do you 
think this is something that doctors or nurses or anybody else in the hospital should do if the patient 
so wishes? 

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PATIENT: It's helpful, very helpful. 
 
DOCTOR: Who should do it? 
 
PATIENT: Well, if you're fortunate enough to have that kind of a doctor, and there are a few, you 
know, that are going up and 
 
(P202) 
 
are interested in this side of your life. Most of them are purely interested in the medical part of the 
patient. Dr. M. is very understanding. He has come to see me twice now since I've been here and I 
appreciate that. 
 
DOCTOR: Why do you think there is such a reluctance? 
 
PATIENT: Well, it's the same thing on the outside world today. How come we don't have more 
people doing more things that should be done? 
 
DOCTOR: I think we should finish, don't you? Do you have any questions that you would like to 
ask us, Mrs. C.? We'll be seeing you again anyway. 
 
PATIENT: No. I only hope to get in front of more and more people and tell them about these things 
that need help. My boy isn't the only one. There's a lot of people in the world and you just try to 
have someone interested enough in the case so that possibly they could do something for him. 
 
Mrs. C. is similar to Mrs. S., a middle-aged woman for whom death approaches in the midst of a 
life of responsibilities, caring for a number of dependent people. She has a father-in-law who is 
eighty-one and who recently had a heart attack, a mother with Parkinson's disease who is seventy-
six, a twelve-year-old girl who still needs her mother and may have to grow up "too quickly" as the 
patient fears, and a twenty-two-year-old non-functioning son who goes in and out of state hospitals, 
for whom she both fears and cares. Her own father left three small children from a previous 
marriage and the patient worries that she too has to leave all these dependent people now at a time 
when they need her the most. 
 
It is understandable that such family burdens make it extremely difficult to die peacefully until 
these matters are discussed and some solutions found. If such a patient has no opportunity to share 
her concerns, she is both angry and depressed. Her anger is perhaps best demonstrated in her 
indignation about the hospital staff member who feels that she can walk to X-ray, who does not 
take her needs into consideration, and who is more concerned about the end of the working day 
than the efficient management of a weak, tired patient who likes to function as long as she can-but 
not beyond-and who likes to keep her dignity in spite of the -unpleasant circumstances. 
 
She describes perhaps best the need for perceptive, understanding people and their influence on the 
suffering; she sets an example when she allows the old folks to stay at her own home and function 
as best as they can, rather than sending them off to a nursing home. Also her son, whose presence is 
barely tolerable but who wishes to stay home rather than to return to the state hospital, is allowed to 

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