Microsoft Word Elisabeth Kubler-Ross On Death And Dying doc

stay at home and to share as much as he is capable of sharing. In all this struggle to take care of 
everybody as best as she can, she also communicates the wish to be allowed to stay home and 
function as long as she can; even if it means being bedridden, her presence there should be tolerated. 
Her final statement, her wish to get in front of more and more people and let them know the needs 
of the sick, was perhaps partially fulfilled by this seminar. 
 
Mrs. C. was a patient who wanted to share and accepted help gratefully in contrast to Mrs. L. who 
accepted the invitation but was unable to share her concerns until much later on, shortly before her 
death when she asked us to come and visit her. 
 
Mrs. C. continued to do as many things as possible until the question of her emotionally disturbed 
son was solved. Her understanding husband and her religion helped her and gave her the strength to 
endure the weeks of suffering. Her last wish, namely, not to be seen "ugly" in the casket, was 
shared with her husband who understood that Mrs. C. always had a great concern for others. I think 
this fear of appearing ugly was expressed also in her concerns for the patients she hears crying out 
loud, "losing their dignity perhaps," and when she fears to lose consciousness and says, "One never 
knows when they get in an unconscious state ... how they are going to react .... It is important that 
you have confidence in your doctor then, that he can stay with you . ... Dr. E. is very busy, so you 
just don't talk much with him ...." 
 
This is not so much a concern for others as it is her fear of perhaps losing control, of becoming 
indignant when the family problems become too overwhelming and her strength too small. 
 
In a subsequent visit she acknowledged the wish to "scream sometimes'="Please take over, I just 
cannot worry for everybody 
 
(P204) 
 
any longer." She was greatly relieved when the chaplain and the social worker intervened and the 
psychiatrist looked into a possibility of a placement for her son. It was only after all these matters 
were taken care of that Mrs. C. felt at peace and stopped worrying whether she was seen in the 
casket or not. That image changed from "looking so awful" to a picture of peace, rest, and dignity 
which coincided with her final acceptance and decathexis. 
 
The following interview of Mrs. L. will speak for itself. It has been included in this book because 
she represents the type of patient who can frustrate us the most, since she fluctuates in her 
willingness to accept help and her denial of any need for help. It is important that we do not impose 
our services on such patients but remain available to them when they need us. 
 
DOCTOR: Mrs. L., how long now have you been in the hospital? 
 
PATIENT: I came to the hospital the 6th of August. 
 
DOCTOR: That's not the first time, is it? 
 
PATIENT: No, no. I believe it's close to twenty or more times that I've been here. 
 

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DOCTOR: When was the first time? 
 
PATIENT: Well, the first time was in 1933 when I had my first baby. But the first time I entered 
this hospital was in 1955. 
 
DOCTOR: What was it then? 
 
PATIENT: That is when I had my adrenalectomy. 
 
DOCTOR: What did you have your adrenalectomy for? 
 
PATIENT: Because I had a malignancy in the base of my spine. 
 
DOCTOR: In 1955? 
 
PATIENT: Yes. 
 
DOCTOR: So you have had this malignancy for eleven years now? 
 
PATIENT: No, I've had it longer than eleven years. I had one breast removed in 1951. And the 
second breast was removed in 1954, and the adrenalectomy and the ovaries were removed here in 
'S5. 
 
DOCTOR: How old are you now? 
 
PATIENT: I'm fifty-four, going to be fifty-five. 
 
DOCTOR: Fifty-four. And you have been ill, nearly, as far as you know, since 1951. 
 
PATIENT: That's right. 
 
DOCTOR: Can you tell us how it all started? 
 
PATIENT: Well, I was having a little bit of a family reunion in '51, and I had all of my husband's 
relatives from out of town. And I went upstairs to clean up and take a bath and I noticed I had a 
lump on top of my breast. I called my sister-in-law in and asked her if she thought it was anything 
to worry about. So she said yes, call a doctor and make an appointment, which I did. This was on 
Friday and I went in to the doctor's office the following Tuesday and on Wednesday I went to the 
hospital for X-rays. And they told me that it was a malignancy. And by the first of the following 
week I had surgery, and a breast removed. 
 
DOCTOR: How did you take all that? You were about how old? 
 
PATIENT: I was about thirty-well, close to forty years old. I don't know, everybody thought that I 
would collapse. They couldn't understand why I was so calm about it. In fact I made fun of the fact. 
f was hit a couple of times across the hands and the mouth by my sister-in-law for passing the 

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remark that it might be a malignancy when I found the lump. And I took it very lightly. My oldest 
son took it the worst. 
 
DOCTOR: How old is he? 
 
PATIENT: He was seventeen, not quite seventeen, a few months lacking seventeen. And he stayed 
home until after I had surgery. Then he went into the service because he was afraid that I would be 
sick or completely bedridden or something else would happen so he went into the service. But other 
than that, it didn't bother-the only thing that bothered me was the radiation treatments that I got 
afterwards. 
 
DOCTOR: How old were your other children? It sounded like there were more. 
 
PATIENT: Yes, I have another boy who is twenty-eight. 
 
DOCTOR: Now? 
 
PATIENT: Now. He was in grammar school at the time. 
 
DOCTOR: You have two boys? 
 
PATIENT: Two boys. 
 
DOCTOR: Your son was really afraid you were going to die. 
 
PATIENT: I think so. 
 
DOCTOR: And he took off. 
 
(P206) 
 
PATIENT: He took off. 
 
DOCTOR: How did he take it later on? 
 
PATIENT: Well, he has what I tease him about-the "hospital phobia" because he just can't come to 
the hospital and see me laying in bed. The only time he has ever come in was when they were 
giving me a blood transfusion. His father has asked him occasionally to either bring something 
home or bring something up to me that would be too heavy for him to carry. 
 
DOCTOR: How were you told that you had the malignancy? 
 
PATIENT: Very bluntly. 
 
DOCTOR: Is that good or bad? 
 
PATIENT: It didn't bother me. I don't know how anybody else 

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