Microsoft Word Elisabeth Kubler-Ross On Death And Dying doc

 
DOCTOR: You said "he looked funny" and you smiled. 
 
PATIENT: Well, he did look different, you know, his hands didn't have any color and they did look 
so still. And then my grandmother died but I wasn't there. My grandfather died on my mother's side, 
but I wasn't there either, I just went on, you know. Oh, then my aunt died and I couldn't go to the 
funeral because it was not too long ago and I was sick and we didn't go. 
 
DOCTOR: It comes in different forms and ways, doesn't it? 
 
PATIENT: Yes, he was my favorite uncle. You don't really have to 
 
(P184) 
 
cry when somebody dies because you know they're going to heaven and it's kind of a happy feeling 
for them, to know that they're going to be in paradise. 
 
DOCTOR: Did any of them talk about it to you at all? 
 
PATIENT: A real, real close friend of mine just died, over a month ago and his wife and I went to 
his funeral. That meant a lot to me because he had been so wonderful and had done so much for me 
when I got sick. He left you feeling so comfortable and everything. 
 
DOCTOR: So what you say is to be a little more understanding and take a little time and talk with 
the patients. 
 
The interview with this young girl's mother follows. We talked 
 
with her soon after interviewing her daughter. 
 
DOCTOR: We have a very few parents who are coming to us to talk about their very sick children 
and I know this setup is kind of unusual. 
 
MOTHER: Well, I asked for it. 
 
DOCTOR: What we talked about with your daughter is how she feels and bow she looks at death. 
We were impressed by her calmness and lack of anxiety as long as she is not alone. 
 
MOTHER: She talked much today? 
 
DOCTOR: Yes. 
 
MOTHER: She's in a great deal of pain today and feels very, very bad. 
 
DOCTOR: She talked a lot, much much more than this morning. 
 
MOTHER: Oh, and I was afraid she'd get in here without saying anything. 

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DOCTOR: We're not keeping you for long, but I would appreciate it if you would allow the young 
doctors to ask you a few questions. 
 
STUDENT: When you first found out about your daughter's condition, that it was not curable, how 
did you react to this? 
 
MOTHER: Well, very well. 
 
STUDENT: You and your husband? 
 
MOTHER: My husband wasn't with me at the time and I felt a 
 
little bad at the way I found out. We just knew that she was sick, but that was all and so then when I 
came down to visit her that day, I called to see how she was. The doctor said, "Oh, she's not at all 
good. I have some bad news for you." He showed me the way to one of the little rooms and he just, 
quite frankly, said, "Well, she has aplastic anemia and she's not going to get well, that's all." He 
said, "Nothing can be done, we don't know the cause, we don't know the cure." And so I said, "Well, 
can I ask you a question?" And he said, "If you want to." I said, "How long does she have, doctor, 
maybe a year?" "Oh, no, goodness no." And I said, "For this, we're lucky." And that's all he said 
and so then I had a lot of other questions. 
 
DOCTOR: This was last May? 
 
MOTHER: May, the 26th, uh huh. And he said, "There's a lot of people who have it, it's incurable 
and that's all there is to it. She'll just have to accept it." And he walked out. I had a hard time 
finding my way back to her ward and I guess I got lost in one of the halls, trying to go back I got 
panicky. All the time I just stood there and I thought, "Gee, it means she's not going to live," and I 
was all wrong and I didn't know how to get back to her. Then I pulled myself together and went 
back and talked with her. I was afraid at first to go in and tell her how sick she was because I didn't 
know how I felt and I might go in crying. So I straightened myself up before I went to see her again. 
But it was quite a shock the way it was presented to me and the fact that I was alone. If he had had 
me sit down at least and tell me, I think I could have accepted it a little better. 
 
STUDENT: Exactly how did you wish that he would have presented it to you? 
 
MOTHER: Well, if he had waited-my husband was with me every other time and this was the first 
time I was alone, and if he had called us both in and maybe said, "Well, she has this incurable 
disease." He could have told it to us frankly, but had a little bit of compassion and needn't seem so 
hard-hearted. I mean, how he put it, "Well, you're not the only one in the world." 
 
DOCTOR: You know, I've run up against this many times and it hurts. Has it occurred to you that 
this man might have some difficulties about his own feelings in regard to such situations? 
 
(P186) 
 
MOTHER: Yes, I've thought this, but it hurts anyway. 

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DOCTOR: Sometimes the only way they are able to communicate such news is in a cool, detached 
way. 
 
MOTHER: You're right, too. A doctor can't get emotional about these things and probably should 
not. But I don't know, there must be better ways. 
 
STUDENT: Have your feelings toward your daughter changed? 
 
MOTHER: No, I'm just real thankful for each day that I have with her, but I hope and pray for a lot 
more, which isn't right, I know. But no, she was raised with the idea that death can be beautiful and 
it is nothing to worry about. I know she will be as brave when it happens. just once have I seen her 
break down and cry to me, when she said, "Mother, you look worried," and she said, "Don't be 
worried, I'm not afraid." She said, "My God's waiting for me, he'll take care of me so don't you be 
afraid." She said, "I'm a little bit afraid, does that bother you?" I said, "No, I think everybody is." I 
said, "But you just keep up the way you are," I said. "Do you feel like crying? Go ahead and cry, 
everyone does." She said, "No, there's nothing to cry about." So I mean she had accepted it and we 
had accepted it, too. 
 
DOCTOR: That was ten months ago, wasn't it? 
 
MOTHER: Yes. 
 
DOCTOR: A very short time ago you had also been given just "twenty-four hours." 
 
MOTHER: Last Thursday the doctor said we were lucky if it was twelve to twenty-four hours. He 
wanted to give her some morphine to shorten it and make her less painful. We asked him if we 
could think about it for a minute and he said, "I don't see why you just don't do it and stop the 
pain." He walked away. We decided therefore it would be better for her to let him go ahead and do 
it. And so we told the floor doctor that he could tell him that we agreed. We never have seen him 
since and they have never given her the shot. Then she has had good days and she has real bad ones, 
but she is slowly getting more of it and she is needing all the things that I have been told that would 
happen from other patients. 
 
DOCTOR: Where from? 
 
MOTHER: Well, my mother is from P., there are two hundred of these patients and my mother has 
learned a lot about them. She said towards the end they get so that it hurts to even touch then and it 
hurts all over. Then she says, even to lift them, their bones break. Now she hasn't wanted to eat for 
a week or so and all these things begin to happen. Up until the 1st of March, you know, she used to 
chase the nurses up and down the hall and help them and take water to the other patients, cheer 
them up. 
 
DOCTOR: So the last month has been the hardest. 
 
STUDENT: Has this changed your relationship with your other children at all? 
 

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