Microsoft Word Elisabeth Kubler-Ross On Death And Dying doc

PATIENT: Well, I don't know, I don't- He probably tells me what he thinks is necessary. 
 
DOCTOR: But it's not enough for you. 
 
CHAPLAIN: Well, she states this in terms of wanting to be told more. The examples she gives was, 
well, if I'm going to have a short time to live, which raised the question in my mind as to whether 
this is something that you are concerned about? Is this the way you are phrasing it in you own mind? 
 
DOCTOR: What is a short time to live, Mrs. S.? That's terribly relative. 
 
PATIENT: Oh, I don't know. I would say six months or a year. 
 
CHAPLAIN: Did you feel as strongly about knowing if it weren't that kind of condition? I mean 
that's the illustration you used. 
 
PATIENT: Whatever I have I have, and I would still want to know. I mean, there are some people I 
think you could tell and there are other people that you couldn't. 
 
DOCTOR: What would change? 
 
PATIENT: Oh, I don't know. Maybe I'd just try to enjoy each day a little bit more if I- 
 
DOCTOR: You know no doctor can tell you the time. You know, he doesn't know- But some 
doctors mean well and give an approximate estimation, and some patients get terribly depressed 
and don't enjoy a single day after that. What do you say to that? 
 
PATIENT: It wouldn't bother me. 
 
DOCTOR: But you understand why some doctors are very leery. 
 
PATIENT: Yes. I'm sure there are people who'd go and jump out a window or-do something drastic. 
 
DOCTOR: Some people are like this, yes. But you have apparently thought about this for a long 
time, because you know where you stand. I think you should talk to the doctor, you should tell him. 
just open the door and see how far you can get. 
 
PATIENT: Maybe he doesn't think I should know just what I have, I mean that's 
 
CHAPLAIN: You'd find out. 
 
DOCTOR: You always have to ask and then you get the answer. 
 
PATIENT: My first doctor that I knew when I came in here, you know the first time when I came 
in to the clinic for my first check-up, I just had so much confidence in him, from the first day that I 
saw him. 
 
CHAPLAIN: That's, I think, a justified confidence. 

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DOCTOR: That's very important. 
 
PATIENT: I mean, I get home, you have your family doctor, you feel you are quite close to him. 
 
DOCTOR: And then you lost him too. 
 
PATIENT: And that was very hard because he was such a wonderful man. He had so much to live 
for. He was just, he was in his late fifties. And of course, as you know, a doctor's life isn't an easy 
life. And I think that he probably just didn't take care of himself like he should have. His patients 
came first. 
 
DOCTOR: Like you! Your boys came first 
 
PATIENT: They always did. 
 
DOCTOR: Was this so difficult now? You know, you came here kind of leery. Here to the 
conference. 
 
PATIENT: Well, I didn't really feel too enthusiastic about coming. 
 
DOCTOR: I know. 
 
PATIENT: But then I thought, well, I just made up my mind I would. 
 
CHAPLAIN: How do you feel about it now? 
 
PATIENT: I'm glad I came. 
 
DOCTOR: It wasn't so terrible, was it? You know you said you are not a good speaker. I think you 
did a very good job. 
 
CHAPLAIN: Yes, I amen that. I was wondering, though, if you had any questions to ask us-
catching the cue earlier that doctors don't slow down long enough to get the patient to ask a 
question. We are slowing down enough to where if you have any questions to ask us about the 
session, anything 
 
(P176) 
 
PATIENT: Oh, I mean, I, when you came and when you mentioned that, I just didn't quite 
understand what it would solve or what it would-what was the main idea, you know. 
 
CHAPLAIN: Has this been answered in part, by the conference? 
 
PATIENT: Partially, yes. 
 

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DOCTOR: You see, what we are trying to do is to learn from the patient really, how we can talk to 
complete strangers we haven't met before, and we haven't known each other at all, how can we get 
to know a patient, fairly well and pick up what kind of needs and wants he has. Then go about it to 
serve this, like I learned a lot from you now, that you know fairly well what your illness is, you 
know it's serious, you know it's in different places. I don't think anybody can tell you how long this 
is going to be going on. They tried a new diet, which I think they haven't given to many patients, 
but they have a lot of hopes with this. This I know is an unbearable kind of diet for you. I think 
everybody tries their best to make it, you know- 
 
PATIENT: If that's what they think will help me then I want to try it. 
 
DOCTOR: They do. That's why they give it to you. But what you are saying, I think, is that you 
would like to have some time to sit with the doctor and talk about it. Even if he can't give you all 
the answers all clear and pat; I think nobody can. But just to talk about it. The kind of things you do 
with your family doctor, the kind of things we are trying to do here. 
 
PATIENT: I don't feel as nervous as I thought I would. I mean I feel quite at ease. 
 
CHAPLAIN: I thought you were very relaxed sitting here. 
 
PATIENT: When I first came in here I was just a little bit jumpy. 
 
CHAPLAIN: You made that comment. 
 
DOCTOR: I think we will take you back then. We'll drop in once in a while. Okay? 
 
PATIENT: Sure. 
 
DOCTOR: Thank you for coming. 
 
In summary, then, we have here a typical example of a patient who has had many losses in her life, 
who needed to share her concerns with someone, and who felt relieved to ventilate some of her 
feelings with someone who cared. 
 
Mrs. S. was two and a half when her parents divorced and she was raised by relatives. Her only 
daughter died at age two and a half from tuberculosis while her husband was in the service and she 
had no one else as close as this little girl. Soon afterward she lost her father in the sanatorium and 
had to be hospitalized herself with tuberculosis. After twenty-two years of marriage her husband 
left her with two small boys for another woman. A family doctor in whom she had great confidence 
and trust died when she needed him the most, namely, when she noticed a suspicious lump which 
later proved to be malignant. Raising the boys alone, she postponed treatment until the pain became 
unbearable and her malignancy was spread. In all her misery and loneliness she always found some 
meaningful friends, however, with whom she was able to share her concerns. They too were 
substitutes-just like her aunt and uncle were substitutes for her real parents; the boy friend replaced 
the husband, the neighbor substituted for a sister she never had. The latter was the most meaningful 
relationship as she became a substitute mother for the patient and her children as her illness 

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