This eBook is designed and published by Planet pdf. For more free

Ulysses 

860 

of

 1305 

stake faggots and the caldron of boiling oil are for him. 

Caliban! 

THE MOB: Lynch him! Roast him! He’s as bad as 

Parnell was. Mr Fox! 

(Mother Grogan throws her boot at Bloom. Several 

shopkeepers from upper and lower Dorset street throw objects of 

little or no commercial value, hambones, condensed milk tins, 

unsaleable cabbage, stale bread, sheep’s tails, odd pieces of fat.) 

BLOOM: (Excitedly) This is midsummer madness, some 

ghastly joke again. By heaven, I am guiltless as the 

unsunned snow! It was my brother Henry. He is my 

double. He lives in number 2 Dolphin’s Barn. Slander, the 

viper, has wrongfully accused me. Fellowcountrymen, 

sgenl inn ban bata coisde gan capall. I call on my old friend, 

Dr Malachi Mulligan, sex specialist, to give medical 

testimony on my behalf. 

DR MULLIGAN: (In motor jerkin, green motorgoggles on 

his brow) Dr Bloom is bisexually abnormal. He has recently 

escaped from Dr Eustace’s private asylum for demented 

gentlemen. Born out of bedlock hereditary epilepsy is 

present, the consequence of unbridled lust. Traces of 

elephantiasis have been discovered among his ascendants. 

There are marked symptoms of chronic exhibitionism. 

Ambidexterity is also latent. He is prematurely bald from 

---

Ulysses 

861 

of

 1305 

selfabuse, perversely idealistic in consequence, a reformed 

rake, and has metal teeth. In consequence of a family 

complex he has temporarily lost his memory and I believe 

him to be more sinned against than sinning. I have made a 

pervaginal examination and, after application of the acid 

test to 5427 anal, axillary, pectoral and pubic hairs, I 

declare him to be virgo intacta. 

(Bloom holds his high grade hat over his genital organs.) 

DR MADDEN: Hypsospadia is also marked. In the 

interest of coming generations I suggest that the parts 

affected should be preserved in spirits of wine in the 

national teratological museum. 

DR CROTTHERS: I have examined the patient’s 

urine. It is albuminoid. Salivation is insufficient, the 

patellar reflex intermittent. 

DR PUNCH COSTELLO: The fetor judaicus is most 

perceptible. 

DR DIXON: (Reads a bill of health) Professor Bloom is 

a finished example of the new womanly man. His moral 

nature is simple and lovable. Many have found him a dear 

man, a dear person. He is a rather quaint fellow on the 

whole, coy though not feebleminded in the medical sense. 

He has written a really beautiful letter, a poem in itself, to 

the court missionary of the Reformed Priests’ Protection 

---

Ulysses 

862 

of

 1305 

Society which clears up everything. He is practically a 

total abstainer and I can affirm that he sleeps on a straw 

litter and eats the most Spartan food, cold dried grocer’s 

peas. He wears a hairshirt of pure Irish manufacture winter 

and summer and scourges himself every Saturday. He was, 

I understand, at one time a firstclass misdemeanant in 

Glencree reformatory. Another report states that he was a 

very posthumous child. I appeal for clemency in the name 

of the most sacred word our vocal organs have ever been 

called upon to speak. He is about to have a baby. 

(General commotion and compassion. Women faint. A 

wealthy American makes a street collection for Bloom. Gold and 

silver coins, blank cheques, banknotes, jewels, treasury bonds, 

maturing bills of exchange, I. O. U’s, wedding rings, 

watchchains, lockets, necklaces and bracelets are rapidly collected.) 

BLOOM: O, I so want to be a mother. 

MRS THORNTON: (In nursetender’s gown) Embrace 

me tight, dear. You’ll be soon over it. Tight, dear. 

(Bloom embraces her tightly and bears eight male yellow and 

white children. They appear on a redcarpeted staircase adorned 

with expensive plants. All the octuplets are handsome, with 

valuable metallic faces, wellmade, respectably dressed and 

wellconducted, speaking five modern languages fluently and 

interested in various arts and sciences. Each has his name printed 

---

Ulysses 

863 

of

 1305 

in legible letters on his shirtfront: Nasodoro, Goldfinger, 

Chrysostomos, Maindoree, Silversmile, Silberselber, Vifargent, 

Panargyros. They are immediately appointed to positions of high 

public trust in several different countries as managing directors of 

banks, traffic managers of railways, chairmen of limited liability 

companies, vicechairmen of hotel syndicates.) 

A VOICE: Bloom, are you the Messiah ben Joseph or 

ben David? 

BLOOM: (Darkly) You have said it. 

BROTHER BUZZ: Then perform a miracle like 

Father Charles. 

BANTAM LYONS: Prophesy who will win the Saint 

Leger. 

(Bloom walks on a net, covers his left eye with his left ear, 

passes through several walls, climbs Nelson’s Pillar, hangs from 

the top ledge by his eyelids, eats twelve dozen oysters (shells 

included), heals several sufferers from king’s evil, contracts his face 

so as to resemble many historical personages, Lord Beaconsfield, 

Lord Byron, Wat Tyler, Moses of Egypt, Moses Maimonides, 

Moses Mendelssohn, Henry Irving, Rip van Winkle, Kossuth, 

Jean Jacques Rousseau, Baron Leopold Rothschild, Robinson 

Crusoe, Sherlock Holmes, Pasteur, turns each foot simultaneously 

in different directions, bids the tide turn back, eclipses the sun by 

extending his little finger.) 

---