be enrolled in the band — several such desperate charac‐
ters joined themselves to us, and so I finally had command
f abo
, to
“Husband, don’t forsake us, don’t
ast y
g
rit‐
nce,
you
fault will be
urs.
‐
d
o
ut forty well‐armed and brave men.
Meanwhile, evening was almost upon us and the
wagon for my wives drove up. They came out, bringing
the children with them, and all were by this time quieted
down. But a fresh anxiety arose at once when they per‐
ceived that I was not going with them — that, on the
contrary, I had not the slightest intention of leaving the
house. They threw themselves on their knees, clutched at
my clothes and begged me as the tears streamed down
rescue myself with them:
c
ourself into the jaws of death!”
I explained to them that, if I abandoned my post,
our house would become a prey to flames and plunderin
hands, and my son would lose the chief part of his inhe
a
while, on the other hand, if we held out bravely,
there was still a possibility of rescuing it as no‐one could
say whether or not Angulimāla would attack in great force.
“Kāmanīta, Kāmanīta!” they cried, “please don’t
leave us! The terrible Angulimāla will make away with
and will wear your fingers on his gory necklace! He will
torture you to death in his fearful fury and the
o
Because of our curses and bad language you, our
belovèd, must suffer and on that account we will be
punished in hell!”
I sought to comfort them as well as I might, and
when they saw that I was not to be moved from my resolu
tion, they were obliged to make the best of it and get into
the wagon. Scarcely, however, had they taken their places
when they began to hurl accusations at one another.
“It was you who began it!”
“No! You called my attention to him as he stood
there beside the gate‐post. Yes, that you did! You pointe
your finger at him right there.”
132
“And you, you spat at him — red spittle — up to
that time I hadn’t chewed any betel — I never do that in
And so it went on; but the creaking of the wheels,
pul
owned out their voices.
the morning.”
“But you called him a tramp, a lazy beggar!”
“And you, a bald‐pated monk...”
as the oxen now began to
l, dr
133
~ 17 ~
T
d
ed
ch
n
O HOMELESSNESS
W
HAT A HITHERTO unknown stillness
enveloped me now, brother, as I again entered
the house after stationing my people, each man at
his post. That I didn’t hear the voices of my wives — it
wasn’t that alone; it was also that I had heard their voices
going out of the gate, away into the distance. It was that
there was no possibility of suddenly hearing out of any
corner those scolding tones growing gradually shriller an
shriller until they finally united or rather became disunit
in one cacophanous brawl‐duet — it was that which lent
to my house an air of unspeakable quiet, which as yet I
could hardly bring myself to believe in.
*
*
*
As I stood there my palace, surrounded by its
beautifully laid‐out parks, seemed to me more splendid
than ever before, and I trembled at the thought that all this
magnificence was to be utterly destroyed within a few
h
by the infamous band of robbers. Fear for my own
ours
life troubled me far less than the cruel conviction that
these well‐cared for avenues of trees would be laid waste,
these artistically hewn marble pillars hurled down, and
that all this, the building up of which had cost me so mu
thought and such tedious effort, whose completion had
filled me with so much joy, would be a heap of ruins whe
135
the sun rose again. For only too well did I know the traces
left by Angulimāla.
There was, however, no more for me to do now
but wait, and it was still yet several hours before midnight.
and into the garden on the other, in the midst of
ll the
ugh the
rst h
ew
As
the
the position of the stars and constella‐
ons
;
ut
o,
of
I had for years been living in a ceaseless round of
business and pleasure — never a moment had I taken in
which to come to myself; and as I sat there with nothing to
do, alone in a room opening into the pillared hall on the
one side
a
deathlike stillness of the palace, I lived thro
fi
ours, in a sense, since my earliest youth, which
entirely belonged to me.
My suddenly unfettered thoughts began to focus
for the first time on myself. My whole life passed in revi
before me; and looking upon it as a stranger might have
done, I could find no pleasure whatsoever in the sight.
These reflections I interrupted a couple of times to
make a round through the house, courtyard and garden,
and thus assure myself that my men were on the watch.
I stepped out for the third or fourth time from between
pillars, my eyes, trained on many a caravan journey, at
once told me from
ti
that it was but half an hour to midnight.
I hastily went the rounds again and exhorted my
people to be keenly on the alert. I myself felt the blood
hammering in every vein, and my throat seemed to con‐
tract from the anxiety and the strain. Going back to my
room, I sat down as before. But no thoughts would come
I felt a heavy pressure on my breast and soon it seemed to
me as though I should suffocate. I sprang up and went o
between the pillars to inhale the cool night air. As I did s
my cheek was softly fanned by what seemed to be a
passing wave of air, and immediately thereafter the hoot
an owl sounded in the stillness. At the same moment a
strong odour of the blossoms of the night‐lotus was wafted
136
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