Aa history Lovers 2004 moderators Nancy Olson and Glenn F. Chesnut page

men's dining room. There, for more than ten years he was served by the same

waitress, Nancy. Dr. Bob always greeted her with, "How's my chum today..."

They were good friends. As Nancy served him his simple lunch of melon or

grapefruit, soup, milk or coffee and his favorite Boston Cream Pie, they

discussed her problems. Once, Nancy, who was ill at the time, became

uncontrollably angry and threw a cracker basket at another waiter. Dr. Bob

admonished..."Now, now Chum, don't let little things bother you..." The next

day he sent her "As a Man Thinketh So Is He" and "The Runner's Bible."

Nancy always looked forward to serving Dr. Bob and his friends..."he was

such a good fellow..." Often when there was much discussion, arguments and

pros and cons, Nancy would ask him why he didn't say something, to which

he'd answer... "Too much being said already!" To Nancy, Dr. Bob was "such a

good kind man...he had such a simple faith in prayer."

After luncheon, if time permitted, Dr. Bob joined his cronies for a game of

Rum or Bridge. He was expert at both; and he always played to win. The man

who would give you his last dollar, though his own creditors might be hard

at his heels, would take your last cent away from you, if he could, in a

card game...but he never got angry. He had the habit of keeping up a steady

chatter through the game, his cronies say that it could have been annoying

except that it was always so funny that you had to laugh.

Dr. Bob vowed that it was silly to take the game seriously...never could see

how these tournament players got so serious about this thing. Once when he

and Anne were in Florida, he was airing his views to a stranger on the

seriousness of some bridge players. The subject had come up because a bridge

tournament was scheduled for that day. The two men sat together discussing

bridge until they talked themselves into entering the tournament...since

they had nothing better to do. The stranger and Dr. Bob made a good showing

among the "serious" players. They won that afternoon but upset their

opponents to such a degree as to cause one to remark, "If you had bid right

and played right you never would have won!" Whereupon Dr. Bob said, "Quite

so," as he accepted the first prize.

For some obscure reason, Dr. Bob always carried a pocket-full of silver. It

may have been a hangover from the insecure squirrel-cage days of the eternal

fight to keep enough money in his pocket just because he liked to hear the

jingle but there were times when he had as much as ten dollars in his

pocket.

He had one particular friend with whom he would match a fifty cent piece by

way of greeting. No matter where the two met, each would silently reach into

his pocket, draw out the silver and match. Silently the winner took the

money from the other. The first time Dr. Bob underwent serious surgery, he

could not have visitors. His coin-matching friend came to the hospital to

call. He was met there by Emma, the woman friend and nurse who cared for

Anne. Emma met the visitor in the guest lounge. She greeted him silently

with a coin in her palm...silently they matched. Dr.Bob was the richer by

fifty cents.

This man of two personalities would weep as he told you of his fear that his

skill would not enable him to save the life of a charity patient; then again

he would weep as he told of what seemed to be a miraculous recovery. He

would weep, too, from laughter at some story which struck his fancy.

As his son, Bob, grew into manhood, Dr. Bob shared with him the incidents

and the fun of the day. He could hardly wait, it seemed, to get home to tell

young Bob some story picked up at the hospital. Young Bob tells of how he

would tell a good story, or listen to one, then lean back in his chair to

laugh until the tears streamed down his cheeks. Then with a familiar

gesture, he took off his glasses to wipe the tears away...still chuckling.

"Our home was a happy one, in those days," said young Bob, "I never heard a

cross word between my mother and my father."

The war, then marriage took young Bob from home and to Texas where he now

lives. Bob laughs as he tells of his father's first meeting with his

bride-to-be. He looked her up and down then remarked, in his dry and

disconcerting fashion; "She's all right, son.

She's built for speed and light house-keeping!"

Young Bob often remarked to his father about his seemingly endless knowledge

of medicine, philosophies and general bits of information. To which Dr. Bob

would reply, "Well, I should know something, I've read for at least an hour

every night of my adult life - drunk or sober." Sometime during the course

of all the reading, he delved into Spiritualism...he even tried the

mysteries of the Ouija board. He felt that in some far distant centuries,

the science of the mind would be so developed as to make possible contact

between the living and the dead.

All the reading of the years had included studies on alcoholism, too. This

scientific knowledge coupled with his experiences with alcoholics including

himself might well have led him to a strictly scientific approach. He could,

with ease, have spoken of statistics, cures and the like because he

undoubtedly listened to more "case

histories" than any other man alive. He listened patiently to each man in

the ward, to every person who came to his home for advice, and there were

hundreds.

He remained plain Dr. Bob, alcoholic, who came to believe that the disorder

was more on the psychological and spiritual side rather than the physical.

The thinking of the alcoholic patient was all beclouded, his attitudes were

wrong, his philosophy of life was all mixed up, he had no spiritual

life...the whole man was sick. As one man said, "He came to me in the

hospital, he sat quietly by my bed and talked, then he prayed to his God for

me...that's what stuck...that he took the time and interest and the

compassion to pray for me..."

The happy years of Dr. Bob's sobriety were marred, at last, by Anne's

illness and blindness. Cataracts were completely covering her eyes, so that

she could not see...even after surgery her last years were spent in shadows.

Dr. Bob began, then, to be her eyes as much as he could. Still in medical

practice, though, he could not be with her every hour. It was then, in his

own quiet way that he found a solution.

In 1942, years before Anne's blindness had become serious, two strangers

came to his office, a man and his wife, Emma. The man was seeking the help

that Dr. Bob could give him. The three sat in his office and talked for

almost an hour, while in the reception room waited the "paying patients."

Occasionally, after that first meeting, Dr. Bob and Anne stopped by their

house; they saw them each week at the AA meeting in King School.

Dr. Bob knew that Anne's blindness was fast growing worse and that she

needed daily care...he knew too, that she would be unhappy to think of

herself as a burden to anyone. It came vacation time, the children were gone

which meant that the house must be left empty...the dog to his own devices.

What better plan than the nice couple, who lived down the street should come

to the house while they were on vacation...to keep it in running order and

watch over the dog? Would the couple consider throwing some clothes into a

bag and going over to the house? So it was for eight years Emma, a nurse,

and her husband came from time to time to stay at Dr. Bob's house...until it

was necessary for Emma to be with Anne at all times. In the last years of

Anne's illness she kept house for them and during the day, when Dr. Bob was

at his office, she watched over Anne.

Through those last years together Anne, though in ill health, stood ever

ready to give words of hope and encouragement to all who came to her door.

Her first thoughts were for others, never herself, no matter how badly she

might feel. When Dr. Bob and Anne prepared for their last trip together,

Anne said, "You know, I don't really care to go but Dad wants too, and he

may never be able to make the trip again...it will make him happy. "Of the

same trip, Dr. Bob said of Anne, "I don't really want to go, but Anne wants

it. It will make her happy." Each took the long trip feeling that it was

making the other happy. It was in June, 1949, just after their return, that

Anne passed away. At the time of her passing, Dr. Bob, said, "I will miss

her terribly, but she would have had it no other way. Had she survived this

attack she would have been in the hospital for months...then there would

have been months at home in bed...she would have hated being a burden...she

could not have stood it."

In the summer of 1948, Dr. Bob found that he, too, was suffering from a

serious malady. He closed his office and retired from practice, so that he

and Anne could live their last days together, quietly. For a time after Anne

died, there was some indecision in the house. It was understood that Emma

and her husband, who had by this time been spending most of their time at

the house, would leave and go to their own home. Dr. Bob was to get a

housekeeper or a nurse. He did interview one woman, but his heart wasn't in

it. It was then that they all felt that Anne had reached out and made their

decision for them.

For the first few weeks after Anne's death, Dr. Bob and Emma dreamed of Anne

almost every night. To Emma, she seemed troubled. One night Emma's dream of

Anne was so real as to be almost a vision. Emma knew what she must do. Next

morning she faced Dr, Bob. "Do you want us to stay with you?" His answer was

quick and simple, "Yes." None of them dreamed of Anne again.

So it was that the couple who once came to Dr. Bob for help, came to spend

the last year and one half with him...they gave up their apartment and lived

with him until he too, passed on.

Ever the professional man, Dr. Bob watched the progress of his disease each

day. When at last, he knew that the malady was malignant and hopeless, he

accepted it with calm and lack of resentment. He felt no bitterness at the

doctors who had failed to make an early diagnosis..."Why should I blame

them? I've probably made a lot of fatal mistakes myself!"

Between the times that he was forced to stay in bed or to go to the hospital

to undergo surgery, he lived his life as normally as possible and got as

much enjoyment out of it as he could. After Anne's death, he and a good

friend drove to the West Coast, where they renewed old acquaintances; then

they went on to his home in Vermont...and to Maine. Wherever he went AAs

showered him with attention and kindness. Of this he said, "Sometimes these

good people do so much for me, it is embarrassing. I have done nothing to

deserve it, I have only been an instrument through which God worked."

At home Dr. Bob settled down to enjoying his friends and the things he could

do for them...between his serious attacks he enjoyed "Emmy's" good food. "I

never saw a man who could eat so much sauerkraut...he would go without his

dessert, just to have another helping!" Then came the television set.

Emma's husband went to Dr. Bob one day telling him that he was in the mood

to buy a television set. "Well," said Dr. Bob, who didn't like

television...would have no part of it... "I guess if you can buy the set, I

can give you the chimney for the aerial." The beautiful new set arrived in

due time but Dr. Bob would have none of it. He absolutely refused to look at

it. Then one night, as he lay on the davenport, Emma caught him peeking

around his newspaper! The "sneaking a look" went on for days until he

succumbed and became a fan. After that he spent long pleasant hours watching

the TV shows...especially the tap dancers..."Hmph," he'd grunt, "that's

easy...nothing to it...anybody can do it!" At the time of the Louis Charles

fight, he stayed in bed all day so that he would be rested enough to see the

fight that evening!

As a patient, Dr. Bob behaved himself very well except for one thing. He

refused to take his pills as they were scheduled. Instead he put his old

"patent throat" to use. He kept a shot glass, which he filled with all the

pills he was to take for the day. While Emma looked on in awe, even as the

brothers of yore, he'd throw back his head and toss off the pills at one

gulp..."What difference does it make? They all go to the same place anyway!"

That he knew the exact progress of his disease was evident to Emma and those

close to him, although he never complained, even when in pain. After a

doctor's call he would say to Emma, "Sugar, don't kid me now. This is the

end isn't it?" Emma always answered with, "Now you know better. You know

exactly what's going on!"

During the Spring and Summer of 1950, when he had to husband his strength

and measure it out carefully, Dr. Bob expressed the wish to do three things.

He wanted to attend the First International Conference of Alcoholics

Anonymous in Cleveland. He wanted, once again, to go to St. Johnsbury,

Vermont, for his vacation. And he wanted to spend Christmas with his son in

Texas...two of his wishes were fulfilled.

As the days passed and the date of the Conference drew nearer, he began more

and more, to conserve his energy. Most of his days were spent in his

room...on the davenport watching the TV tap-dancers and listening to the

pianists. Those who were close to him watched him grow weaker...then

rally...

While the last, mad days of preparations for the Conference were going on in

Cleveland, it seemed, at times, to his close friends, that he would not

gather the strength to do the thing that he so much wanted to do. Even to

the last minutes before the Big Meeting, on Sunday, it was doubtful whether

he would be granted the vigor he needed to appear in the Cleveland

Auditorium to say the few words that he wanted to say to the thousands

waiting to hear and see him.

Those gathered that hot Sunday afternoon, now know, that when at last Dr.

Bob joined the others on the platform they were witnessing another milestone

of the movement built on simple faith and works...At the time, this throng

was perhaps too close to history to know the full meaning of what was taking

place before them...Now he came forward to speak to the thousands...with

quiet dignity...even as that night so long ago, when in Anne's living room,

he put his foot on the rung of a dining room chair to read The Sermon on the

Mount...he leaned forward against the lectern to say:

"My good friends in AA and of AA. I feel I would be very remiss if I didn't

take this opportunity to welcome you here to Cleveland not only to this

meeting but those that have already transpired. I hope very much that the

presence of so many people and the words that you have heard will prove an

inspiration to you - not only to you but may you be able to impart that

inspiration to the boys and girls back home who were not fortunate enough to

be able to come. In other words, we hope that your visit here has been both

enjoyable and profitable.

"I get a big thrill out of looking over a vast sea of faces like this with a

feeling that possibly some small thing that I did a number of years ago

played an infinitely small part in making this meeting possible. I also get

quite a thrill when I think that we all had the same problem. We all did the

same things. We all get the same results in proportion to our zeal and

enthusiasm and stick-to-itiveness. If you will pardon the injection of a

personal note at this time, let me say that I have been in bed five of the

last seven months and my strength hasn't returned as I would like, so my

remarks of necessity will be very brief.

"But there are two or three things that flashed into my mind on which it

would be fitting to lay a little emphasis; one is the simplicity of our

Program. Let's not louse it all up with Freudian complexes and things that

are interesting to the scientific mind but have very little to do with our

actual AA work. Our 12 Steps, when simmered down to the last, resolve

themselves into the words love and service. We understand what love is and

we understand what service is. So let's bear those two things in mind.

"Let us also remember to guard that erring member - the tongue, and if we

must use it, let's use it with kindness and consideration and tolerance.

"And one more thing; none of us would be here today if somebody hadn't taken

time to explain things to us, to give us a little pat on the back, to take

us to a meeting or two, to have done numerous little kind and thoughtful

acts in our behalf. So let us never get the degree of smug complacency so

that we're not willing to extend or attempt to, that help which has been so

beneficial to us, to our less fortunate brothers. Thank you very much."

As he returned to his seat on the platform, those who watched could easily

see that the exertion of saying the brief words of counsel had left him

physically weak and spent. Try as he would, he was forced to leave after a

few moments. In consternation thousands of eyes followed him as he left the

stage.

He was driven back to Akron, that afternoon by a friend. As Dr. Bob was

helped into the automobile, he seemed physically very near complete

exhaustion. As they drove the thirty odd miles from Cleveland to Akron, some

inner strength seemed to revive Dr. Bob so that by the time they drove up to

his home he was almost his old self. The man who seemed on the point of

collapse only an hour before, said "Well, if I'm going to be ready to go to

Vermont next week, I'd better be about it."

Shortly after the Conference, he did go to Vermont. Dr. Bob, his son and his

daughter-in-law, drove, in the sedan, to his boyhood home, where he visited

old friends for the last time...and worried all the time for fear the

convertible would not be comfortable for Emma and her husband to drive on

their long vacation trip..."Should've taken it myself..."

Upon his return home, he was admitted into St. Thomas hospital for a minor

operation...one of so many that had come during the last years. Then home to

Emma's good cooking and rest.

In November, his doctors found it advisable to perform another of the minor

operations. This time, he went to City Hospital, where in 1910 he had come

as an intern and where later, he and Bill had talked to "the third man." On

Wednesday, November 15, a day after the operation, an old friend called and

spoke to him. "Why, I'm just fine Abercrombie, just fine..."

Close to noontime on Thursday, November 16, 1950, he was resting. The nurse

in attendance stood by his bed, watching...waiting for any change that might

come. Dr. Bob, M.D., lifted his hand to the light...with professional calm

he studied the color...with a final confirming glance, he spoke... "You had

better call the family...this is it..."

--so reconciled with his brothers, he placed his gifts upon the alter and

went his way...
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++++Message 1639. . . . . . . . . . . . Dr. Bob Memorial Edition of the AA

Grapevine (1951), Part 3 of 3

From: Lash, William (Bill) . . . . . . . . . . . . 2/3/2004 9:53:00 AM
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Dr. Bob Memorial Edition

January 1951 AA Grapevine

Part 3 of 3
From Dr. Walter F. Tunks, the man who answered the telephone...
EULOGY
TODAY we are paying our respects to the memory of a friend whose name and

influence have extended around the world. A phrase of St. Paul's well

describes him; "As unknown, yet well known." Affectionately we called him

Doctor Bob - and thousands who never knew him are greatly in his debt. Dr.

Bob would not want us to hang any haloes around him. He would ask us,

rather, to carry on the work in which he had so influential a part. There is

no need for me to tell you the story of his life. It is well known to any

who are familiar with the work of Alcoholics Anonymous, of which he was a

co-founder.

Let me merely point out how often in history God has used human weakness to

demonstrate his redeeming power. Next to Jesus, no one has influenced human

history more than St. Paul. Who was he? He was the chief persecutor of the

Christian Church. He had stood by and watched young Stephen stoned, with

never a word of protest. Then one day God caught up with him, turned him

straight around in his tracks and Saul the persecutor became Paul the

Apostle and chief defender of Christianity. Had you and I been living in the

fourth century near the city of Carthage, we might have heard of the

escapades of a fast living young man named Augustine. He was lecherous and

profligate and all but broke his saintly mother's heart, though Monica's

prayers for him never ceased. Then one day as he walked in the garden, he

heard a voice which said to him, "Tolle, Lege" - Take, Read - and, opening

the Bible at random, he came upon this passage: "The night is far spent, the

day is at hand. Let us, therefore, cast off the works of darkness and let us

put on the armor of light. Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in

rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and

envying. But put ye in the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the

flesh to fulfill the lusts thereof." So a man was reborn, and Augustine the

dissolute, became St. Augustine, one of the most prominent leaders in the

Christian Church.

You know the story of Dr. Bob's weakness. Then something happened to him

that profoundly changed his life and that of thousands of others who shared

the same weakness. In a desperate hour, he and Bill turned to God for help

they couldn't find anywhere else, and Alcoholics Anonymous was born. By Dr.

Bob's side was a brave and understanding wife whom we laid to rest last

year. With wisdom and patience, she helped guide the AA group in its early

days and never ceased to be a power for good. And now Bob has gone to be

with the one he loved so much.

Here is the lesson of his life. God can use human weakness to demonstrate

his power. No man need stay the way he is. With God's help he can throw off

the chains of any enslaving habit and be free again to be what God wants him