Sometimes my grandmother is sick and I just expect when I come back
from school I have to cook for myself, but still you find there is food
already, so even though she is sick she also prepares food for me.
What is interesting about the above quotes is that for the children love was
often linked to the grandmother being able to provide their basic needs – this
was how they knew that she loved them. One of the activities explored this.
Children were asked how they felt when they came home after school and
there was no food cooked for them to eat. They all agreed that this made
them cross and it then made it difficult for them to willingly do the chores they
had to do.
If there is no food you just murmur (quietly complain). You put wrinkles
on your face like this (she shows a cross face). You go and do the work
but you just complain and murmur.
But if there is food you are happy to work.
- Now days (since granny got the pension) we buy rice and food.
- Yes, instead of starving we at least eat now days. Now we are happy
to work.
And if granny can buy things for school children are even happier.
I just work (on household chores). It is easier to work if you are happy.
You quickly work because she has bought you shoes
They did also point out though that if granny was unable to provide things they
also accepted the situation as they knew granny could not help it.
I feel bad when there is no food when I come from school but I just
cope with the situation because I know my granny is not the cause of
the situation.
It seems, therefore, that relationships in the home were strained if the granny
was too sick or too old or too poor to provide basic needs such as food. This
issue is important as it shows how deeply relationships between
grandchildren and their grandparents are affected by poverty. It also points to
the stress that grandparents carry when they are not able to meet the
children’s basic needs because they are ill or too old. It is not only that the
children have to cook the food or go without it is also that they feel ‘unloved’.
The accompanying study that looks at the impact of a pension on elderly-
headed households highlights this too. In those homes that had some money
because of the pension grandchildren expressed the idea that they knew they
were loved because they had money for basics but also because sometimes
granny brought home rice (a special treat) or fresh fish or even meat on the
day she got her pension. Granny was also able to pay them little bits of
money for work they did and she could buy them something for Christmas.
- We expect that when all parents are dead there is only the
grandmother who will take care of us and love us.
- How do you know she loves you A?
- If I feel like eating fish and she has money she buys it for me.
We always help our grannies but we come to help them more when
they bring us a gift because you feel you have hope and you are
happy.
I like to stay with my granny. Sometimes she gets cross but when
Christmas comes near she buys me a present and then I really love
her.
It is interesting to note that the children showed their love for their grannies by
doing work for them and looking after them.
I show that I love her because I have to fetch water, I have to collect
firewood.
Sometimes granny gets cross and beats us
The one source of conflict in the home that was mentioned often by all the
children was related to the children’s need for time to play and rest. There is
an obvious generation gap in many of the homes. Grannies seem to have
strong ideas about obedience but in a context of hard work many of the
children felt that their grannies did not understand their need to have time to
play and rest. It seems that most of the conflict in the home centred around
this issue.
I like to play indiki (local game played with a ball and three children)
with friends sometimes the grannies don’t like this we play until late into
the evening.
If you don’t do the work your granny beats you. She just insults you,
warns you.
Then your gran sends you to collect firewood and you go instead to
pay football and if you are sent somewhere and you are late in coming
back. If you are late in coming from fetching water then yourgran beats
you.
Children talked a lot about how difficult it was to explain that this conflict upset
them. One group requested that the Kwa Wazee Project hold a meeting to
explain to grannies that children needed time to play. They felt they could not
communicate this directly with their grannies as this was not respectful.
We cannot tell our granny directly. If you tell directly to your gran she
will go the neighbours complaining that you always give insults to her.
I suggest we have a meeting once like this one. Then we can talk
about our good and bad habits with the grannies.