Power Questions: Build Relationships, Win New Business, and Influence Others

you had only three years to live, what would you hope to achieve
personally and professionally?”
Suggestions for How to Use This Question
“If you knew you had only three years to live,
what would you hope to achieve personally
and professionally?”
Carpe diem has now become a cliché. Latin scholars say it may be translated as “seize
the moment.”
Cliché or not, it is a command that must drive and propel us. It tells us to embrace the
whole of life. It is the hymn we sing. It encourages us to besiege the opportunity. To
wage war on it.
You must engage the day, ravish the moment. Wrest and wring from life all that is
good and all it will yield. Your objective should be to die young—as late as possible.

---

That is why this is such a powerful question. If you knew you only had three years to
live, how would you spend the time? You will uncover unexplored, unexpected
responses no other question elicits.
Carpe diem. That says it all.
When to use the question
With your friends, family, business colleagues, and just about anyone you know.
To shake up other peoples’ thinking and pull them out of the day-to-day minutia
of their lives.
Alternative versions of the question
“What are the most important things in your life? Are you spending enough time
on them?”
Follow up questions
“What's stopping you from doing this—now?”

---

35
The Awe and Wonder of the Power Question
Come with me. We're going to Bossier, Louisiana. It's some time in the
1950s.
Madeline tells Bonnie, age eight, and her six-year-old sister, to come out
to the backyard. Madeline is their mother. “Bring a sheet of paper and a
pencil with you,” she tells them.
There's Madeline sitting on the ground. You can see her there with a
shoebox and a small shovel next to her. The girls sit on the ground next to
their mother.
“Now dig a hole.” They dig a hole big enough for the box to fit in.
“Now write the word can't on the slip of paper you brought with you.
Fold it and put it in the shoebox. Then we'll bury the box.
“Now,” Madeline says, “you'll never be able to say the word can't ever
again.” That's been Bonnie's credo ever since: Never say “I can't.”
Fast forward to Bonnie's teenage years. She refuses to learn to sew. That's
really what set the stage for her later years.
Bonnie thought she would study to be a fashion designer. Then the school
handed her a needle and thread. She was told she would have to learn to
sew if she wanted to be a fashion designer. That was the sudden end of what
would have been an unpromising career.
Thank goodness. I believe we saved the world from having a mediocre
designer.
Bonnie McElveen-Hunter instead ended up heading and owning the
largest custom publishing company in the United States. It is one of the
largest woman-owned businesses in the nation.
She has somehow managed all this and, in addition, served as U.S.
Ambassador to Finland. There's more. She is the first female Chair in the

---

history of the American Red Cross. Bonnie is a roaring advocate for women
and created the International Women's Business Leaders Summit.
I once sat next to General Colin Powell at dinner. It was at a national
meeting of the Urban League, where he was being honored. He had just
retired as Secretary of State. He had sworn Bonnie in as Ambassador. I told
him I knew Bonnie.
“She's amazing,” he said. “She is the brightest and one of the most
exciting people I know. She is tremendously effective. Energy personified.”
I'll tell you how I think of Bonnie. I've chosen a Finnish word: sisu. It's
the desire for that special extra within you that impels something amazing
and extraordinary. To me, that perfectly characterizes Bonnie's drive and
vitality. When others think of what's impossible, Bonnie starts counting the
possibilities.
I've known and worked with Bonnie for more than a dozen years. She's an
inspiration. I've learned to use a new word regarding my feeling for her.
Bonnie is my s/hero.
Over the years and during the course of dozens of conversations with her,
I have asked a number of power questions. They would test anyone's
thinking and help promote a flood of conversation.
For instance, I remember one luncheon we had. I asked her, What is the
most profound and difficult question you have ever been asked? She paused,
but only for a moment.
“Someone once asked me, ‘What difference will your footsteps make a
hundred years from now?’” (I'm reminded that a good example is the best
sermon.)
Then Bonnie spends the next 10 minutes or so talking about how she
hopes to make a significant difference in her lifetime that will have an
impact for generations to come.
One power question. A 10-minute response.
There is another time we were visiting together. “Bonnie,” I said, “What
is the most profound and difficult question you have asked someone?”
That's a question that will likely stir anyone's thinking.
She tells me about a meeting she had with the Palestinian Red Crescent
Society and Magen David Adom (Israel's emergency medical and disaster

---

service—its answer to the American Red Cross). It was regarding a merger
of the International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies.
“I asked them, ‘What really are the differences between the Red Cross
and the Red Crescent Societies?’ We struggled for an hour to try to
determine if there were any differences. There weren't. I also asked leaders
of the Red Cross the same question.
“Let's get to the heart of the issue. I ask, ‘Isn't the love that we share for
humankind greater than the chasm of difference that manifests daily and
tests civility?’”
On another day I'm in Bonnie's office. People are dashing in and out—
checking in, asking questions, wanting decisions. The flow died down long
enough for me to ask, “Bonnie, What is your idea of a perfect day?”
“That's easy. A perfect day for me is any day I am vertical. . .and any day
in which God disturbs me to move outside the normal noise of my life and
serve a greater purpose.”
I follow that with this question, “What has been the greatest day in your
life?” I'm on a run and I have her undisturbed attention.
“I believe my greatest day is yet to come. That's when I hope to hear
those seven most precious words, Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
I spent the next 30 minutes listening to Bonnie's response to these two
questions.
There was another visit. “Bonnie, you have already achieved so much in
life. If there were a National Women's Hall of Fame, you would be one of
the first to enter. You are among a handful of the top women in this country.
How would you like to be remembered?”
“I'm still working on that. But I'm reminded that we come into this world
with nothing, we're leaving with nothing, and all we ever really keep. . .is
what we've given away. I'd like to be remembered as someone who has
given herself away.
“I want to be remembered as a person who gave encouragement and
inspiration so that others could reach their full potential.” That comment
leads to another 15 minutes or so of bright and amazing discourse on
Bonnie's feeling regarding what one must do in their life.
There is a bit of dogma in all of this. You'll forgive me if I preach a bit.
Her life is ransomed to an unending commitment to serve.

---

I've told you the amazing story of this remarkable person. But I have only
given you a few bits and pieces of her life.
I want you to understand, however, that this chapter is not about Bonnie
McElveen-Hunter—as amazing as she is. The lesson here is about the
capacity of potent and formidable questions to unleash a cascade of
innermost feelings and vibrant conversation. Conversation that is intimate,
personal, and memorable.
In this chapter, I write about many different questions I ask in separate
visits. It illustrates how you can vary your questions, and use many of them,
even if you have many meetings with a person. Asking a power question is
not a one-off event!
The energy and vigor of power questions is your mightiest ally in drawing
out deeply held feelings. When used at the right moment, they transform
your conversations.
Power questions are important because they open the door to bottomless
exploration and opportunity. Above all, they help you build relationships,
win new business, and influence others.

---