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“MAKING PEOPLE GLAD TO DO WHAT YOU WANT.”
Back in 1915, America was aghast.
For more than a year, the nations of Europe had been slaughtering
one
another on a scale never before dreamed of in all the bloody annals of mankind. Could peace be brought
about? No one knew. But Woodrow Wilson was determined to try. He would send a personal representative, a
peace emissary, to counsel with the warlords of Europe.
William Jennings Bryan, secretary of state, Bryan, the peace advocate, longed to go. He saw a chance
to perform a great service and make his name immortal. But Wilson appointed another man, his intimate friend
and advisor Colonel Edward M. House; and it was House’s thorny task to break the unwelcome news to Bryan
without giving him offense.
“Bryan was distinctly disappointed when he heard I was to go to
Europe as the peace emissary,”
Colonel House records in his diary. “He said he had planned to do this himself…
“I replied that the President thought it would be unwise for anyone to do this officially, and
that his
going would attract a great deal of attention
and people would wonder why he was there…”
You see the intimation? House practically told Bryan that he was
too important
for the job—and Bryan
was satisfied.
Colonel House, adroit, experienced in the ways of the world, was following one of the important rules
of human relations: Always
make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Woodrow Wilson followed that policy even when inviting William Gibbs McAdoo to become a
member of his cabinet. That was the highest honor he could confer upon anyone, and yet Wilson extended the
invitation in such a way as to make McAdoo feel doubly important. Here is the story in McAdoo's own words:
“He [Wilson] said that he was making up his cabinet and that he would be very glad if
I would accept a place in
it as Secretary of the Treasury. He had a delightful way of putting things; he created the impression that by
accepting this great honor I would be doing him a favor.”
Unfortunately, Wilson didn’t always employ such taut. If he had, history might have been different. For
example, Wilson didn’t make the Senate and the Republican Party happy by entering the United States in the
League of Nations. Wilson refused to take such prominent Republican leaders as Elihu Root or Charles Evans
Hughes or Henry Cabot Lodge to the peace conference with him. Instead, he took along unknown men from his
own party. He snubbed the Republicans, refused to let them feel that the League was their idea as well as his,
refused to let them have a finger in the pie; and, as a result of this crude handling of human relations, wrecked
his
own career, ruined his health, shortened his life, caused America to stay out of the League, and altered the
history of the world.
Statesmen and diplomats aren’t the only ones who use this make-a-person-happy-yo-do-things-you-
want-them-to-do approach. Dale O. Ferrier of Fort Wayne, Indiana, told how he encouraged one of his young
children to willingly do the chore he was assigned.
“One of Jeff’s chores was to pick up pears from under the pear tree so the person who was mowing
underneath wouldn’t have to stop to pick them up. He didn’t like this chore, and frequently it was either not
done at all or it was done so poorly that the mower had to stop and pick up several pears that he had missed.
Rather than have an eyeball-to-eyeball confrontation about it, one
day I said to him, ‘Jeff, I’ll make a deal with
you. For every bushel basket full of pears you pick up, I’ll pay you one dollar. But after you are finished, for
every pear I find left in the yard, I’ll take away a dollar. How does that sound?’ As you would expect, he not
only picked up all of the pears, but I had to keep an eye on him to see that he didn’t pull a few off the trees to fill
up some of the baskets.”
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I knew a man who had to refuse many invitations to speak, invitations extended by friends, invitations
coming from people to whom he was obligated; and yet he did it so adroitly that the
other person was at least
contented with his refusal. How did he do it? Not by merely talking about the fact that he was too busy and too-
this and too-that. No, after expressing his appreciation of the invitation and regretting his inability to accept it,
he suggested a substitute speaker. In other words, he didn’t give the other person any time to feel unhappy about
the refusal, He immediately changed the other person’s thoughts to some other speaker who could accept the
invitation.
Gunter Schmidt, who took our course in West Germany, told of an employee in the food store he
managed who was negligent about putting the proper price tags on the shelves where the items were displayed.
This caused confusion and customer complaints. Reminders, admonitions, confrontations, with her about this
did not do much good. Finally, Mr. Schmidt called her into his office and told her
he was appointing her
Supervisor of Price Tag Posting for the entire store and she would be responsible for keeping all of the shelves
properly tagged. This new responsibility and title changed her attitude completely, and she fulfiled her duties
satisfactorily from then on.
Childish? Perhaps. But that is what they said to Napoleon when he created the Legion of Honor and
distributed 15,000 crosses to his soldiers and made eighteen of his generals “Marshals of France” and called his
troops the “Grand Army.” Napoleon was criticized for giving “toys” to war-hardened veterans, and Napoleon
replied, “Men are ruled by toys.”
This technique of giving titles and authority worked for Napoleon and it will work for you. For
example, a friend of mine, Mrs. Ernest Gent of Scarsdale, New York, was troubled
by boys running across and
destroying her lawn. She tried criticism. She tried coaxing. Neither worked. Then she tried giving the worst
sinner in the gang a title and a feeling of authority. She made him her “detective” and put him in charge of
keeping all trespassers off her lawn. That solved her problem. Her “detective” built a bonfire in the backyard,
heated an iron red hot, and threatened to brand any boy who stepped on the lawn.
The effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change
attitudes or behavior:
1. Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and
concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what is it the other person really wants.
4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
5. Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.
6.
When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he
personally will benefit. We could give a curt order like this: “John, we have customers coming in tomorrow
and I need the stockroom cleaned out. So sweep it out, put the stock in neat piles
on the shelves and polish
the counter.” Or we could express the same idea by showing John the benefits he will get from doing the
task: “John, we have a job that should be completed right away.
If it is done now, we won’t be faced with it
later.
I am bringing some customers in tomorrow to show our facilities. I would like to show them the
stockroom, but it is in poor shape. If you could sweep it out, put the stock in neat piles on the shelves, and
polish the counter, it would make us look efficient and
you will have done your part to provide a good
company image.”
Will John be happy about doing what you suggest? Probably not very happy, but happier than if you
had not pointed out the benefits. Assuming you know that John has pride in the way his stockroom looks and is
interested in contributing
to the company image, he will be more likely to be cooperative. It also will have been
pointed out to John that the job would have to be done eventually and by doing it now, he won’t be faced with it
later.
It is naive to believe you will always get a favorable reaction from other persons when you use these
approaches, but the experience of most people shows that you are more likely to change attitudes this way than
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by not using these principles—and if you increase your successes by even a mere 10 percent, you have become
10 percent more effective as a leader than you were before—and that is your benefit.
People are more likely to do what you would like them to do when you use…
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