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Ulysses 

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 1305 

PRIVATE COMPTON: (Tugging his comrade) Here. 

Bugger off, Harry. Here’s the cops! (Two raincaped watch, 

tall, stand in the group.) 

FIRST WATCH: What’s wrong here? 

PRIVATE COMPTON: We were with this lady. And 

he insulted us. And assaulted my chum. (The retriever barks) 

Who owns the bleeding tyke? 

CISSY CAFFREY: (With expectation) Is he bleeding! 

A MAN: (Rising from his knees) No. Gone off. He’ll 

come to all right. 

BLOOM: (Glances sharply at the man) Leave him to me. 

I can easily ... 

SECOND WATCH: Who are you? Do you know 

him? 

PRIVATE CARR: (Lurches towards the watch) He 

insulted my lady friend. 

BLOOM:  (Angrily) You hit him without provocation. 

I’m a witness. Constable, take his regimental number. 

SECOND WATCH: I don’t want your instructions in 

the discharge of my duty. 

PRIVATE COMPTON: (Pulling his comrade) Here, 

bugger off Harry. Or Bennett’ll shove you in the lockup. 

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PRIVATE CARR: (Staggering as he is pulled away) God 

fuck old Bennett. He’s a whitearsed bugger. I don’t give a 

shit for him. 

FIRST WATCH: (Takes out his notebook) What’s his 

name? 

BLOOM: (Peering over the crowd) I just see a car there. If 

you give me a hand a second, sergeant ... 

FIRST WATCH: Name and address. 

(Corny Kelleker, weepers round his hat, a death wreath in his 

hand, appears among the bystanders.) 

BLOOM:  (Quickly) O, the very man! (He whispers) 

Simon Dedalus’ son. A bit sprung. Get those policemen to 

move those loafers back. 

SECOND WATCH: Night, Mr Kelleher. 

CORNY KELLEHER: (To the watch, with drawling eye) 

That’s all right. I know him. Won a bit on the races. Gold 

cup. Throwaway. (He laughs) Twenty to one. Do you 

follow me? 

FIRST WATCH: (Turns to the crowd) Here, what are 

you all gaping at? Move on out of that. 

(The crowd disperses slowly, muttering, down the lane.) 

CORNY KELLEHER: Leave it to me, sergeant. 

That’ll be all right. (He laughs, shaking his head) We were 

often as bad ourselves, ay or worse. What? Eh, what? 

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FIRST WATCH: (Laughs) I suppose so. 

CORNY KELLEHER: (Nudges the second watch) Come 

and wipe your name off the slate. (He lilts, wagging his head) 

With my tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom. 

What, eh, do you follow me? 

SECOND WATCH: (Genially) Ah, sure we were too. 

CORNY KELLEHER: (Winking) Boys will be boys. 

I’ve a car round there. 

SECOND WATCH: All right, Mr Kelleher. Good 

night. 

CORNY KELLEHER: I’ll see to that. 

BLOOM:  (Shakes hands with both of the watch in turn) 

Thank you very much, gentlemen. Thank you. (He 

mumbles confidentially) We don’t want any scandal, you 

understand. Father is a wellknown highly respected 

citizen. Just a little wild oats, you understand. 

FIRST WATCH: O. I understand, sir. 

SECOND WATCH: That’s all right, sir. 

FIRST WATCH: It was only in case of corporal 

injuries I’d have to report it at the station. 

BLOOM:  (Nods rapidly) Naturally. Quite right. Only 

your bounden duty. 

SECOND WATCH: It’s our duty. 

CORNY KELLEHER: Good night, men. 

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THE WATCH: (Saluting together) Night, gentlemen. 

(They move off with slow heavy tread) 

BLOOM: (Blows) Providential you came on the scene. 

You have a car? ... 

CORNY KELLEHER: (Laughs, pointing his thumb over 

his right shoulder to the car brought up against the scaffolding) 

Two commercials that were standing fizz in Jammet’s. 

Like princes, faith. One of them lost two quid on the race. 

Drowning his grief. And were on for a go with the jolly 

girls. So I landed them up on Behan’s car and down to 

nighttown. 

BLOOM: I was just going home by Gardiner street 

when I happened to ... 

CORNY KELLEHER: (Laughs) Sure they wanted me 

to join in with the mots. No, by God, says I. Not for old 

stagers like myself and yourself. (He laughs again and leers 

with lacklustre eye) Thanks be to God we have it in the 

house, what, eh, do you follow me? Hah, hah, hah! 

BLOOM:  (Tries to laugh) He, he, he! Yes. Matter of 

fact I was just visiting an old friend of mine there, Virag, 

you don’t know him (poor fellow, he’s laid up for the past 

week) and we had a liquor together and I was just making 

my way home ... 

(The horse neighs.) 

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THE HORSE: Hohohohohohoh! Hohohohome! 

CORNY KELLEHER: Sure it was Behan our jarvey 

there that told me after we left the two commercials in 

Mrs Cohen’s and I told him to pull up and got off to see. 

(He laughs) Sober hearsedrivers a speciality. Will I give him 

a lift home? Where does he hang out? Somewhere in 

Cabra, what? 

BLOOM: No, in Sandycove, I believe, from what he 

let drop. 

(Stephen, prone, breathes to the stars. Corny Kelleher, 

asquint, drawls at the horse. Bloom, in gloom, looms down.) 

CORNY KELLEHER: (Scratches his nape) Sandycove! 

(He bends down and calls to Stephen) Eh! (He calls again) Eh! 

He’s covered with shavings anyhow. Take care they didn’t 

lift anything off him. 

BLOOM: No, no, no. I have his money and his hat 

here and stick. 

CORNY KELLEHER: Ah, well, he’ll get over it. No 

bones broken. Well, I’ll shove along. (He laughs) I’ve a 

rendezvous in the morning. Burying the dead. Safe home! 

THE HORSE: (Neighs) Hohohohohome. 

BLOOM: Good night. I’ll just wait and take him along 

in a few ... 

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