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such function, other than a motion to reconsider which requires a 2/3 vote.
I cannot find mention of the minority voice report otherwise and was hoping
someone knew where and when this became a part of AA business meeting protocol. thanks, Mark in the North Georgia Mountains [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ++++Message 6500. . . . . . . . . . . . Original draft of Bill''s Story From: bbthumpthump . . . . . . . . . . . . 5/1/2010 3:47:00 PM IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII I got this from someone who said he got it from an un-named archivist. Can anyone verify that this is an early draft of Bill's Story. THE ORIGINAL "BILL'S STORY" This is the first printed draft of the Big Book, which was mailed to various individuals for their comments and also as a fund raising tool. It is unclear at what time during the writing of the Big Book "Bill's Story" became chapter one. The language in this draft is in many ways different than the final manuscript. This illustrates the process of having many individuals add their opinions to the contents. [archivist's note: All pages are 8.5" by 14"; marked text (underlined) means more than one letter was typed over another, or text was crossed out with x's though still readable] [handwriting: "Wilson's original story"] Pag Page 1.
1. When I was about ten years old my Father and mother 2. agreed to disagree and I went to live with my Grandfather, 3. and Grandmother. He was a retired farmer and lumberman. As I 4. see him in retrospect, he was a very remarkable man After he 5. returned from Civil War he settled in the small Vermont 6. town where I was later to grow up. His original capital con- 7. sisted of a small, unimproved hillside farm, as sweet and 8. willing helpmeet, and enormous determination to succeed in 9. whatever he attempted. He was a man of high native intelli- 10. gence, a voracious reader, though little educated in the 11. school sense of the word. There was plenty of financial 12. sense in his make-up and he was a man of real vision. Under 13. other conditions he might well have become master of an in- 14. dustry or railroad empire. 15. My Grandmother brought into the world three children, 16. one of whom was my Mother. I can still seem to hear her tell- 17. ing of the struggle of those early days. Such matters as 18. cooking for twenty woodchoppers, looking after the diary, 19. making most of the clothes for the family, long winter rides 20. at twenty below zero to fetch my Grandfather home over snow- 21. bound roads, seeing him of long before daylight that he and 22. the choppers might have their access thawed out so that work 23. might begin on the mountaintop at daylight- this is the thought 24. of tradition upon which they nourished me. They finally 25. achieved their competence and retired late in life to enjoy 26. a well earned rest and the respect and affection of their Page 2. 27. neighbors. They were the sort of people, I see now, who 28. really made America. 29. But I had other ideas - much bigger and better ones 30. so I thought. I was to be of the war generation which dis- 31. ipated the homely virtues, the hard earned savings, the 32. pioneering tradition, and the incredible stamina of your parents parents
33. Grandfather and mine. 34. I too was ambitious - very ambitious, but very un- 35. disciplined. In spite of everyone's effort to correct that con- 36. dition. I had a genius for evading, postponing or shirking 37. those things which I did not like to do, but when thoroughly 38. interested, everything I had was thrown into the pursuit of 39. my objective. My will to succeed at special undertakings on 40. which my heart were set was very great. There was a persis- 41. tence, a patience, and a dogged obstinacy, that drove me on. 42. My Grandfather used to love to argue with me with the object 43. of convincing me of the impossibility of some venture or 44. another in order to enjoy watching me 'tilt at the windmill' 45. he had erected. One day he said to me - I have just been 46. reading that no one in the world but an Australian can make 47. and throw a boomerang. This spark struck tinder and every- 48. thing and every activity was instantly laid aside until it 49. could be demonstrated that he was mistaken. The woodbox was 50. not filled, no school work was done, nor could I hardly be 51. persuaded to eat or to go to bed. After a month or more of 52. this thing a boomerang was constructed which I threw around Page 3. 53. the church steeple. On its return trip it went into trans- 54. ports of joy because it all but decapitated my Grandfather 55. who stood near me. 56. I presently left the country school and fared forth 57. into the great world I had read about in books. My first 58. journey took me only five miles to an adjoining town where I 59. commenced to attend a seminary well known in our section of 60. the state. Here competition was much more severe and I was 61. challenged on all sides to do the seemingly impossible. There 62. was the matter of athletics and I was soon burning with the 63. ambition to become a great baseball player. This was pretty 64. discouraging to begin with, as I was tall for my age, quite 65. awkward, and not very fast on my feed, but I literally worked 66. at it while others slept or otherwise amused themselves and 67. in my second year became captain of the team, whereupon my 68. interest began to languish, for by that time someone had told 69. me I had no ear for music, which I have since discovered is 70. almost true. Despite obstacles I managed to appear in a few 71. song recitals whereupon my interest in singing disappeared 72. and I got terribly serious about learning to play the violin. 73. This grew into a real obsession and to the consternation of 74. my teachers, grew in the last year and everyone else it be- 75. came the immediate cause of my failing to graduate. This was 76. my first great catastrophe. By this time I had become Presi- 77. dent of the class which only made matters worse. As in every 78. thing else I had even very good in certain courses of study
79. which took my fancy, and with others just the opposite, 80. indolence and indifference, being the rule, So it was that 81. the legend of infallibility I had built up around myself 82. collapsed. 83. In the ensuing summer I was obliged for the first 84. time to really address myself to the distasteful task of re- 85. pairing my failure. Although my diploma was now in hand, it 86. was by no means clear to my grandparents and parents what 87. they had better next try to do with me. Because of my interest 88. in scientific matters and the liking I had to fussing with 89. gadgets and chemicals, it had been assumed that I was to be 90. an engineer, and my own learnings were towards the electrical 91. branch of the profession. So I went to Boston and took the 92. entrance examination to one of the leading technical schools 93. in this country. For obvious reasons I failed utterly. It 94. was a rather heartbreaking matter for those interested in me 95. and it gave my self-sufficiency another severe deflation. 96. Finally an entrance was effected at an excellent 97. military college where it was hoped I would really be disci- 98. plined. I attended the University for almost three years 99. and would have certainly failed to graduate or come anywhere 100. near qualifying as an engineer, because of my laziness and 101. weakness mathematics. Particularly Calculus, in this 102. subject a great number of formulas have to be learned and 103. the application practiced. I remembered that I absolutely 104. refused to learn any of them or do any of the work whatever
105. until the general principles underlying the subject had 106. been made clear to me. The instructor was very patient, 107. but finally through up his hands in disgust as I began to 108. argue with him and to hint pretty strongly that perhaps he 109. didn't quite understand them himself. So I commenced an in- 110. vestigation of the principles underlying Calculus in the 111. school library and learned something of the conceptions of 112. the great minds of Leibneitz and Newton whose genius had 113. made possible this useful and novel mathematical device. 114. Thus armed I mastered the first problem in the textbook and 115. commenced a fresh controversy with my teacher, who angrily, 116. but quite properly, gave me a zero for the course. Fortunate- 117. ly for my future at the University, I soon enabled to 118. leave the place gracefully, even heroically, for the 119. United States of America had gone to war. 120. Being students of a military academy school 121. the student boy almost to a man bolted for the first 122. officers training camp at Plattsburgh. Though a bit under 123. age, I received a commission a second lieutenant and got 124. myself assigned to the heavy artillery. Of this I was 125. secretly ashamed, for when the excitement of the day had 126. subsided and I lay in my bunk, I had to confess I did not 127. want to be killed. This bothered me terribly this suspicion 128. that I might be coward after all. I could not reconcile 129. it with the truly exalted mood of patriotism and idealism 130. which possessed me when I hadn't time t o think. It was
131. very very damaging to my pride, though most of this damage 132. was repaired later on when I got under fire and discovered 133. I was just like other people, scared to death, but willing 134. to face the music. 135. After graduating from an army artillery school, 136. I was sent to a post which was situated near a famous old 137. town on the New England coast ones famous for its deepxsea 138. whaling, trading and Yankee seagoing tradition. Here I made 139. two decisions. The first one, and the best, to marry. Th 140. second decision was most emphatically the worst I ever mad took up with took up with 141. I made the acquaintance of John Barleycorn and decided that 142. I liked it him. 143. My wife to be 144. Here I set out upon two paths and little did I realize 145. how much they were diverge. In short I got married 146. and at about the same time, took my first drink and decided 147. that I liked it. But for undying loyalty of my wife 148. and her faith through the years, I should not be alive today. 149. She was a city bred person and represented a background and 150. way of life for which I had secretly longed. Her family 151. spent long summers in our little town. All of them were 152. highly regarded by the natives. This was most complimentary 153. for among the countrymen there existed strong and often un- 154. reasonable prejudices against city folks. For the most 155. part, I felt differently. Most city people I knew had money, 156. assurance, and what then seemed to me great sophistication. Page 7. 157. and Most of them had family trees. There were servants, 158. fine houses, gay dinners, and all of the other things with 159. which I was wont to associate power and distinction. All 160. of them, quite unconsciously I am sure, could make me feel 161. very inadequate and ill at ease. I began to feel woefully 162. lacking in the matter of poise and polish and worldly know- 163. ledge. Though very proud of the traditions of my own people, 164. I sometimes indulged in the envious wish that I had been 165. born under other circumstances and with some of these advan- 166. tages. Since then immemorial I suppose the country boyshav 167. thought and felt as I did have thought and felt as I did. 168. These feelings of inferiority are I suspect responsible for 169. the enormous determination many of them have felt to go out 170. to the cities in quest of what seemed to them like true 171. success. Though seldom revealed, these were the sentiments 172. that drove me on from this point. 173. The war fever ran high in the city near my 174. post and I soon discovered that young officers were in 175. great demand at the dinner tables of the first citizens of 176. the place. Social differences were layed aside and every- 177. thing was done to make us feel comfortable, happy, and heroic. 178. A great many things conspired to make me feel that I was im- 179. portant. I discovered that I had a somewhat unusual power 180. over men on the drill field and in the barracks. I was about 181. to fight to save the world for democracy. People whose 182. station In life I had envied were receiving me as an equal.
183. My marriage with a girl who represented all of the best 184. things the city had to offer, was close at hand, and last, 185. but not least, I had discovered John Barleycorn, Love, ad- 186. venture, war, applause of the crowd, moments sublime and 187. hilarious with intervals hilarious - I was a part of life 188. at last, and very happy. 189. The warnings of my people, the contempt 190. which I had felt for those who drank, were put aside with 191. surprising alacrity as I discovered what the Bronx cocktail 192. could really do for a fellow. My imagination soared - my 193. tongue loosened at last - wonderful vistas opened on all 194. sides, but best of all my self consciousness - my gaucheries 195. and my ineptitudes disappeared into thin air. I seemed to 196. the life of the party. To the dismay of my bride I used to 197. get pretty drunk when I tried to compete with more ex- 198. perienced drinkers, but I argued, what did it matter, for 199. so did everyone else at sometime before daylight. Then 200. came the day of parting, of a fond leave taking of my brave In 201. wife. Amid that strange atmosphere which was the mixture 202. of sadness, high purpose, the feeling of elation that pre- 203. cedes an adventure of the first magnitude. Thus many of us 204. sailed for 'over there' and none of us knew if we should re- 205. turn. For a time, loneliness possessed me, but my new 206. friend Barleycorn always took care of that. I had, I thought 207. discovered a missing link in the chain of things that make 208. life worth while.
209. Then w were in dear old England, soon to cross 210. the channel to the great unknown. I stood in Winchester 211. Cathedral the day before crossing hand in hand with head 212. bowed, for something had touched me then I had never felt 213. before. I had been wondering, in a rare moment of sober 214. reflection, what sense there could be to killing and 215. carnage of which I was soon to become an enthusiastic part. 216. Where could the Deity be - could there be such a thing - 217. Where now was the God of the preachers, the thought of which 218. used to make me so uncomfortable when they talked about him. 219. Here I stood on the abyss edge of the abyss into which 220. thousands were falling that very day. A feeling of despair 221. settled down on me - where was He - why did he not come- 222. and suddenly in that moment of darkness, He was there. I 223. felt an all enveloping, comforting , powerful presence. 224. Tears stood in my eyes, and as I looked about, I saw on the 225. faces of others nearby, that they too had glimpsed the great 226. reality. Much moved, I walked out into the Cathedral yard, 227. where I read the following inscription on a tombstone. 'Here 228. lies a Hampshire Grenadier, Who caught his death drinking 229. small good beer - A good soldier is ne'er forgot, whether A 230. he dieth by musket or by pot.' The squadron of bombers 231. swept overhead in the bright sunlight, and I cried to myself 232. 'Here's to adventure' and the feeling of being in the great 233. presence disappeared, never to return for many years. 234. --
235. I was twenty two, and a grisled veteran of foreign wars. 236. I felt a tremendous assurance about my future, for was not 237. I the only officer of my regiment save one, who had re- 238. ceived a token of appreciation from the men. This quality 239. of leadership, I fancied, would soon place me at the head 240. of some great commercial organization which I would manage 241. with the same constant skill that the pipe organist does 242. his stops and keys. 243. The triumphant home coming was short lived. The 244. best that could be done was to secure a bookkeeping job in 245. the insurance department of the one of the large railroads. 246. I proved to be a wretched and rebellious bookkeeper and could 247. not stand criticism, nor was I much reconciled to my salary, 248. which was only half the pay I had received in the army. When 249. I started to work the railroads were under control of the 250. government. As soon as they were returned my road was re- 251. turned to its stockholders, I was promptly let out because I 252. could not compete with the other clerks in my office. I was 253. so angry and humiliated at this reverse that I nearly became 254. a socialist to register my defiance of the powers that be, 255. which was going pretty far for a Vermonter. 256. To my mortification, my wife went out and got a 257. position which brought in much more than mine had. Being ab- 258. surdly sensitive, I imagined that her relatives an my newly 259. made city acquaintances were snickering a bit at my predica- 260. ment. Continue... Page 11.
261. Unwillingly, I had to admit, that I was not 262. really trained to hold even a mediocre position. Though 263. I said little, the old driving, obstinate determination to 264. show my mettle asserted itself. Somehow, I would show these 265. scoffers. To complete my engineering seemed out of the ques- of 266. tion, partly because/my distaste for mathematics, My only 267. other assets were my war experiences and a huge amount of 268. ill-assorted reading. The study of law suggested itself, and 269. I commenced a three year night course with enthusiasm. Mean- 270. while, employment showed up and I became a criminal investi- 271. gator for a Surety Company, earning almost as much money as 272. my wife, who spiritedly backed the new undertaking. My day- 273. time employment took me about Wall Street and little by 274. little, I became interested in what I saw going on there. 275. I began to wonder why a few seemed to be rich and famous 276. while the rank and file apparently lost money. I began to 277. study economics and business. 278. Somewhat to the dismay of our friends, we moved 279. to very modest quarters where we could save money. When we 280. had accumulated $1,000.00, most of it was placed in utility 281. stocks, which were then cheap and unpopular. In a small way, 282. I began to be successful in speculation. I was intrigued by 283. the romance of business, industrial and financial leaders be- 284. came my heroes. I read every scrap of financial history I 285. could lay hold of. Here I thought was the road to power. 286. Like the boomerang, episode, I could think of nothing else. Page 12. 287. How little did I see that I was fashioning a weapon that 288. would one day return and cut me to ribbons. 289. As so many of my heroes commenced as lawyers, 290. I persisted in the course, thinking it would prove useful. 291. I also read many success books and did a lot of things that 292. Horatio Algers's boy heroes were supposed to have done. 293. Characteristically enough I nearly failed my 294. law course as I appeared at one of the final examinations 295. too drunk to think or write. My drinking had not become 296. continuous at this time, though occasional embarrassing in- 297. cidents might have suggested that it was getting real hold. 298. Neither my wife or I had much time for social engagements 299. and in any event we soon became unpopular as I always got 300. tight and boasted disagreeably of my plans and my future. 301. She was becoming very much concerned and fre- 302. quently we had long talks about the matter. I waived her ob- 303. jections aside by pointing out that red blooded men almost 304. always drank and that men of genius frequently conceived 305. their vast projects while pleasantly intoxicated, adding for 306. good measure, that the best and most majestic constructions of 307. philosophical thought were probably so derived. 308. By the time my law studies were finished, 309. I was quite sure I did not want to become a lawyer. I know 310. that somehow I was going to be a part of that then alluring 311. maelstrom which people call Wall Street. How to get into 312. business there was the question. When I proposed going out
313. on the road to investigate properties, my broker friends 314. laughed at me. They did not need such a service and pointed 315. out that I had no experience. I reasoned that I was partly qualified 316. /as an engineer and as a lawyer, and that practically speaking 317. I had acquired very valuable experience as a criminal investi- 318. gator. I felt certain that these assets could not be capita- 319. lized. I was sure that people lost money in securities be- 320. cause they did not know enough about managements, properties, 321. markets, and ideas at work in a given situation. 322. Since no one would hire me and remembering that 323. we now had a few thousand dollars, my wife and I conceived 324. the hare-brained scheme of going out and doing some of this 325. work at our own expense, so we each gave up our employment 326. and set off in a motorcycle and side car, which was loaded 327. down with a tent, blankets, change of clothes and three 328. huge volumes of a well known financial reference service. 329. Some of our friends thought a lunacy commission should be ap- Yüklə 25,47 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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