The child development
essay has a good
introduction
that clearly sets out
what the two opposing opinions are (
this is done by paraphrasing the
question).
The
thesis sentence (
last sentence of the introduction) then clearly states
what will be in the essay - a discussion of the two opinions.
The
body paragraphs are coherent - each one clearly discusses one of the
opinions. Topic sentences have also been used effectively in each body
paragraph
to identify the topic and
controlling idea:
There is no doubt that there are factors external to the family that
significantly impact on a child’s development. Ultimately, however, it is
family who have the most important impact.
Note the use of '
however' to show that a contrasting opinion is to be given.
This gives the
writing
coherence
.
The topic sentence of the second body paragraph also makes it clear that
this other side of the argument is also
the writers opinion.
There is some good
topic related vocabulary
. For example:
peers; socialisation skills; dysfunctional home; supportive; secure;
nurturing
There
are a mix of
complex sentences
in the child development essay. For
example:
While parents obviously play a major role...There is no doubt that...
Friends also have an important influence as...Ultimately, however, it is
family who... ...whilst those that are brought up...Although it is
clear that...
The candidates opinion is made clear in the second body paragraph, but the
candidate
clearly clarifies it in the conclusion and also summarises the
main ideas of the essay again.
