stress. Children were asked to describe through a metaphor of stones in a
basket what ‘stones’ made their lives ‘heavy’. In all the groups the first stone
and the biggest stone they chose was always “having thoughts about our
mother and father who are now dead.”
- Always being sad is one of the difficult things.
- Why are you always sad?
- Thinking of my mother and father.
Sometimes you are sitting at school just thinking about your mother
and you are doing bad because you are thinking too much.
You even remember the past and even if you study hard you can’t do
anything in exams. Worry is why children fail.
When we discussed if any of the stones have been taken out, if any of the
emotional stress they feel had been reduced, the children all agreed that the
sadness about their parents was still ‘in their basket’.
The children’s understanding of their difficult present circumstances was often
explained in the context of not having parents. When we discussed school
attendance and progress they referred to the fact that they did not have the
support of parents as other children did and this was why they did not do as
well as other children.
Children who live with grannies are being sent back home by teachers.
If you live with a poor granny who cannot buy you shoes and you are
sent back home because of no shoes while others are going on with
the classes you are just at home waiting for shoes. If the parents were
there you would be having the shoes.
Those who live with their grannies are missing school more than those
with parents.
When we discussed having basic material needs they referred to the fact that
they did not have parents to earn money so they struggled.
I have to work to earn money. Sometimes I have to even ask
neighbours for food. You sometimes really regret it and it even makes
you think of when you had your parents and wish that your parents
were there.
When we talked about work they referred to the fact that there were no
parents in the house to do the hard work or to earn money to pay someone
else to do this so they had to work harder.
I can say we work more than children who have parents because we
have a lot of work to do on our own.
They (children living with grandmothers) find the work they have to do
very difficult. They have to work hard so that they get to eat. If they
would be with their parents their parents could be working so that they
feed them. But now they are living with their gran who cannot work so
they have to work to get food for their gran and them. They are
weeding for money.
It was clear that their understanding of their present circumstances was linked
to their identity as an orphan.
Another important factor that emerged is that many of the children had lived
with and even looked after their ill parents before they died. Many drew
pictures of ill parents when drawing the story of how they came to live with
granny.
My mother and father are very sick
For ethical reasons we did not talk about this period of the children’s lives in
much detail but it was clear that the trauma of this experience had had an
impact on them. In one of the activities we talked about what the children
wanted to achieve in their future and what could stand in their way. Once they
had listed their aspirations in all of the older groups one or two children
always said that they may die.
- What could stop you from getting to this place you want to be in 5
years time?
- If you get sick.
- Okay.
- You may have started and you are going further then you just get this
disease and then you go back home and you die.
This suggests a familiarity with and acceptance of death that is not
developmentally appropriate but is likely a product of the experience of
multiple deaths.
Migration
All of the children had moved at least once in their lives. Many had moved
twice before coming to live with their grandparents – most often after the
death of one parent and then again after the death of the second parent.
When my dad died we were taken to my bibi – see me moving
Many of the children had moved three or four times. The most common
pattern was moving after the death of one parent, then after the death of the
second to an aunt or uncle and then finally to granny.
1. We were living with my mother and father
2. We went to live with my uncle and aunt
3. Then we went to live with bibi
It was clear that for many of the children the moves had been linked to family
conflict, often involving them.
My stepmother chased us from the house and we had to go and live with bibi