Nikah Introduction Spiritual assistance to get married
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SELECTION OF A SPOUSE
The most critical question connected with nikah and the formation of the family is that of choosing a spouse. The points to be considered are: 1. Persons between whom marriage is forbidden. i)
Consanguineous mahrams ii)
Mahrams based on affinity iii)
2. Suitability/compatibility i) Faith ii) Descent iii) Akhlaq iv) Compatibility v) Financial competence
3. Free consent of both parties. www.qfatima.com Page 7
HOW DO I KNOW WHETHER THIS IS ‘IT’?
It is all very well to talk and think about love in theory. Even Romeo and Juliet’s love would have settled into an everyday relationship given more time. Marriage is THE most important relationship of one’s life. It is important that one embarks on it with some knowledge of each other’s attitudes and expectations. Most people do not talk about their attitudes and expectations simply because they themselves do not know what they are. This might sound absurd but most of our basic views about life have been developing since childhood without us even thinking about them. Because they are part of us, we assume that everyone else thinks in the same way and it is not even worth mentioning them. Some however, we do not even recognise until we question ourselves. All of our ideas about men and women, husbands and wives, parents and children are built up through our experiences and will affect how we relate to our spouse and the sort of life we want. Sometimes our background and upbringing creates unconscious expectations. Because these ideas are www.qfatima.com Page 8
below the surface of our mind, it is important that the questionnaires listed below should be answered without much
thought. These
questionnaires are for the intended couple and no- one else. www.qfatima.com Page 9
- QUESTIONNAIRE 1 – I SHOULD/YOU SHOULD…..
Take a sheet of paper and divide it into four sections. On each section write these headings: A husband should……. A wife should……….. A mother should……… A father should…………. Without pausing to think too much, or discussing it, both of you should fill in these sections on separate pieces of paper with whatever comes into your mind. You can also put any shouldn’t. When you have finished swap sheets and talk about what you have both written.
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- QUESTIONNAIRE 2 - IT’S IMPORTANT TO ME! This quiz is in 3 sections. Number the points in order of importance to you. Again, discuss your choices with each other! What I want from a relationship – a)
For the pleasure of Allah b)
Not to be lonely c)
To be loved d)
To find a soul mate (friend) e)
To find someone to have children with f)
To build a home g)
To be in love h)
To be looked after i)
Something else (write what it is) What I think is important in life – a)
b)
The pleasure of Allah c)
A career d)
Money e)
Bringing up children f)
The community g)
My family h)
Education i)
Something else (write what it is) I get angry about – www.qfatima.com Page 11
a)
Disobeying Allah b)
Rudeness c)
Male chauvinism d)
Being ignored e)
Being lied to f)
Feminism g)
Lack of freedom h)
Financial pressure i)
Gossip j)
Stupidity
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QUESTIONNAIRE 3 WINDOW IN THE PAST Think about your parents’ relationship and write short sentences to describe it under the following headings:
Affection – How did they display affection?
Anger – Did they show their anger? If they didn’t show it, do you think they did not feel it?
Housework – Who did what around the house?
Career – How did they feel about careers?
Crises – How did they deal with a crisis?
Parents – How do they discipline you? How did they treat you and your brothers and sisters? Did your mother treat you differently than the way your father treated you?
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