Simon and schuster

Paul Harvey’s The Rest of the Story
(New
 
York: Doubleday, 1977). Edited and compiled by 
Lynne Harvey. Copyright © by Paulynne, Inc. 
Some readers are saying right now as they read these lines, “Oh, phooey! Flattery! Bear oil! I’ve tried 
that stuff. It doesn’t work—not with intelligent people.” 
Of course flattery seldom works with discerning people. It is shallow, selfish and insincere. It ought to 
fail and it usually does. True, some people are so hungry, so thirsty, for appreciation that they will swallow 
anything, just as a starving man will eat grass and fishworms. 
Even Queen Victoria was susceptible to flattery. Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli confessed that he 
put it on thick in dealing with the Queen. To use his exact words, he said he “spread it on with a trowel.” But 
Disraeli was one of the most polished, deft and adroit men who ever ruled the far-flung British Empire. He was 
a genius in his line. What would work for him wouldn’t necessarily work for you and me. In the long run, 
flattery will do you more harm than good. Flattery is counterfeit, and like counterfeit money, it will eventually 
get you into trouble if you pass it to someone else. 
The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other 
insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is 
universally admired; the other universally condemned. 
I recently saw a bust of Mexican hero General Alvaro Obregon in the Chapultepec palace in Mexico 
City. Below the bust are carved these wise words from General Obregon’s philosophy: “Don’t be afraid of 
enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.” 
No! No! No! I am not suggesting flattery! Far from it. I’m talking about a new way of life. Let me 
repeat. 
I
am talking about a new way of life. 
 
King George V had a set of six maxims displayed on the walls of his study at Buckingham Palace. One 
of these maxims said: “Teach me neither to proffer nor receive cheap praise.” That’s all flattery is—cheap 
praise. I once read a definition of flattery that may be worth repeating: “Flattery is telling the other person 
precisely what he thinks about himself.” 
“Use what language you will,” said Ralph Waldo Emerson, “you can never say anything but what you 
22 

---

are." 
If all we had to do was flatter, everybody would catch on and we should all be experts in human 
relations. 
When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent 
of our time thinking about ourselves. Now, if we stop thinking about ourselves for a while and begin to think of 
the other person’s good points, we won’t have to resort to flattery so cheap and false that it can be spotted 
almost before it is out of the mouth. 
One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation, Somehow, we neglect to 
praise our son or daughter when he or she brings home a good report card, and we fail to encourage our children 
when they first succeed in baking a cake or building a birdhouse. 
Nothing pleases children more than this kind of parental interest and approval. 
The next time you enjoy filet mignon at the club, send word to the chef that it was excellently 
prepared, and when a tired salesperson shows you unusual courtesy, please mention it. 
Every minister, lecturer and public speaker knows the discouragement of pouring himself or herself 
out to an audience and not receiving a single ripple of appreciative comment. What applies to professionals 
applies doubly to workers in offices, shops and factories and our families and friends. In our interpersonal 
relations we should never forget that all our associates are human beings and hunger for appreciation. It is the 
legal tender that all souls enjoy. 
Try leaving a friendly trail of little sparks of gratitude on your daily trips. You will be surprised how 
they will set small flames of friendship that will be rose beacons on your next visit. 
Pamela Dunham of New Fairfield, Connecticut, had among her responsibilities on her job the 
supervision of a janitor who was doing a very poor job. The other employees would jeer at him and litter the 
hallways to show him what a bad job he was doing. It was so bad, productive time was being lost in the shop. 
Without success, Pam tried various ways to motivate this person. She noticed that occasionally he did a 
particularly good piece of work. She made a point to praise him for it in front of the other people. Each day the 
job he did all around got better, and pretty soon he started doing all his work efficiently. Now he does an 
excellent job and other people give him appreciation and recognition. Honest appreciation got results where 
criticism and ridicule failed. 
Hurting people not only does not change them, it is never called for. There is an old saying that I have 
cut out and pasted on my mirror where I cannot help but see it every day: 
I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any 
human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again. 
Emerson said: “Every man I meet is my superior in some way, In that, I learn of him.” 
If that was true of Emerson, isn’t it likely to be a thousand times more true of you and me? Let’s cease 
thinking of our accomplishments, our wants. Let’s try to figure out the other person’s good points. Then forget 
flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,” and 
people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime—repeat them years after you 
have forgotten them.