Microsoft Word Socialized Choices 31-12 pod docx

Chapter 7 - Exploring the social biographical patterns of Dutch mothers’ attitudes 
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will never start studying”. Later, I have regretted the fact that I went along 
with her, because it was not my own feeling.’” (Olga, 30 years old, 2 children, 
28 hours, egalitarian, university degree). 
What is the influence of significant others, such as teachers, partners, friends, 
supervisors and colleagues at work, on mothers’ personal gender and work 
attitudes? 
Firstly, a notable similarity among all mothers is that in general they cannot 
remember any teachers who stimulated or supported them to choose a certain 
professional direction. Moreover, mothers who do remember, especially full-time 
home-makers, appear rather negative about their guidance at (high) school. One 
full-time mother, for example, tells how she unexpectedly had a very low score in 
her entrance exam for secondary school, because her father had just fallen very 
ill. But her low score was not questioned by her teachers. The narratives of these 
mothers also reveal that they actually missed a helping hand from teachers, 
because they had found it difficult to choose a continuation course or profession. 
They would have liked assistance in their educational choices, or to be influenced 
or inspired to pursue a certain direction by people close to them, but they were 
never encouraged to consider their professional lives.  
“They never asked me what do you want be in later life... it was just, you have 
to do school.” (Mireille, 35 years old, 3 children, stay-at-home mother, 
egalitarian, secondary school).  
There are only two positive examples of egalitarian mothers among the 
respondents who were encouraged to consider their working life at high school, 
revealing the potential positive influence of teachers on the work aspirations of 
mothers.   
“It was also because of our school[...] It was an experimental school with all 
very passionate teachers who felt that the child should stand central, that you 
talked to each other about things[…] that was very important in my decision 
to study psychology” (Diana, 42 years old, 2 children, works 30 hours, 
egalitarian, university degree). 
The influence of a mother’s partner must be viewed as two-directional. People 
seek marital partners with similar (gender) attitudes, and it is possible that the 
partners’ attitudes will have become similar over the years, as their relationship 
matures. Consequently, the findings indicate that generally there is agreement 
among the partners about their marital division of labour. Nonetheless, the 
findings also reveal that among mothers with rather traditional/adaptive gender 
attitudes, the number of hours they work and kin care responsibilities is not a key 
subject of marital discussion, but rather something often taken-for granted. For 
example, a mother’s decision about how much she works, and subsequently how 

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Socialized Choices - Labour Market Behaviour of Dutch Mothers 
178 
the children are taken care of, appears to be mainly her own decision, with 
partners tending to ‘leave it’ up to their wives.  This is illustrated by Leontien, a 
42-year-old stay-at-home mother with four children, of traditional/adaptive 
gender attitudes and university educated: 
 
And what did your husband think about the fact that you wanted to give up 
your job? 
I think for him it was easy.  
He was quite happy with it? 
I think he thought it was comfortable, yet, he always left it to me. 
Did you talk about it together? 
Yes, I think so. 
Did it feel like a mutual decision or like your decision? 
It was my decision, but shared or agreed by him. He said: If that is what you 
want, it’s fine. If I had said: I want to bring our son three days to the crèche, 
then he would also have said: that’s fine. 
 
However, the stories of stay-at-home mothers disclose that their decisions to 
give up work was not always such a pre-planned or positive choice for 
motherhood, but often the result of a sequence of unfavourable happenings. In 
this light, partners’ tolerant or phlegmatic attitudes allow a mother to slip into a 
non-working situation that does not necessarily make her life easier or happier. In 
addition, there are examples of husbands or partners who did not comply with 
earlier plans that they would work less. However, this has not led to an apparent 
conflict between the partners, but rather mothers dealt with and adapted to the 
situation.  
Egalitarian mothers, especially those in full-time work, seem to have ‘found’ 
partners who are more encouraging towards their wife’s work ambitions. 
Moreover, often they are proud of their wife’s career and would not appreciate if 
she wasn’t working. These partners take up a share of the unpaid, domestic work 
more automatically and without much resistance, which is illustrated by the 
following quote. 
“I talk a lot with my husband about work and about my aspirations. And he 
encourages me, for example with my idea to go back to university [...] He is 
also someone who always says, ‘hey, if you need to work longer, then I’ll take 
the kids home today.’“ (Annemiek, 37 years old, 2 children, 34 hours, 
egalitarian, university degree). 
There is also Michelle, who always worked full-time because her ex-husband 
had left her with a large debt:  
“I always felt responsible to ensure there was enough money.” (Michelle, 47 
years old, 2 children, 40 hours, egalitarian, university degree).  

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