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4 Engagement
On 24 February 1981, the engagement of the Prince of Wales and Lady Diana Spencer was publicly
announced (The Royal Household). The television interview given by Prince Charles and Diana that
day became more significant news than the engagement itself (Smith, 2007, p. 97). In the interview
(1981), Diana and Prince Charles were asked if they could find the right words to sum up how they
felt that day and Prince Charles answered that it is “Difficult to find the right words. Just delighted
and happy. I’m amazed that she’s brave enough to take me on.” The interviewer then said, “And I
suppose in love?” to which Diana replied “Of course,” while Prince Charles’s by now famous reply
was “Whatever in love means,” to which Diana herself laughingly says “Yes” and Prince Charles goes
on to add “Put your own interpretation on it” and at that moment they both just laugh it off and the
reporter goes on to add “Obviously means two very happy people” and Prince Charles says “Yes”
and Diana says “As you can see” (Wales & Spencer, 1981).
Ever since the interview, Prince Charles’s reply has served to symbolize his cold heartedness, but at
the time his words were not used in any of the newspaper reports of the broadcast (Brown, 2008,
p. 142). However, given the manner in which Prince Charles had publicly discussed the meaning of
love and marriage, his reply was consistent with his tendency to intellectualize matters of the heart,
especially when they intersected with his sense of duty, and, like any British upper-class male, he
was not comfortable with the sort of public display of emotion that the interviewer demanded of
him (Smith, 2007, p. 98). Regardless of whether Prince Charles answered the way he did due to his
tendency to self-deprecation, not being used to showing his emotions in public, or a burst of truth,
there is no doubt that he was utterly charmed and beguiled by Diana in the early days of their
relationship (Brown, 2008, pp. 142-143). Years after Diana’s death, Prince Charles would still
occasionally display a lingering respect and affection, and three days after the funeral, a confidante
of the Queen Mother much trusted by Prince Charles was moved by the sad sincerity of his
admission, “You know, whatever they say, when we got married we were very much in love.”
(Brown, 2008, p. 143). Prince Charles’s admission shows that whatever people say and write about
Prince Charles’s marriage to Diana nowadays, not to mention what happened later in their marriage,
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when they got married, the premises of their marriage were not to fault as theirs was a marriage
based on love, although there were also other considerations that had been taken into account.
Two days after the engagement announcement, Diana moved into Buckingham Palace, symbolically
cutting herself off from normal life for the rest of her life (Bradford, 2007, p. 77). She was to stay
there until the royal wedding on July 29 (Smith, 2007, p. 100). To an outsider, Buckingham Palace
was not a welcoming place (Bradford, 2007, p. 77). It more resembled a large apartment and office
building than an embracing household, and because each member of the Royal Family had a
separate apartment and spent a great deal of time alone when they were in residence, a sense of
isolation was almost inevitable (Smith, 2007, p. 100). The innate coldness and distance of the
members of the Royal Family when they were at the palace did not help make Diana feel at home
(Bradford, 2007, p. 80). The palace did provide a place where Diana could hide from the invasive
press, but her sense of security ended there (Smith, 2007, p. 100). Diana felt swallowed up by the
palace, its walls isolating her from her friends and even her own family (Bradford, 2007, p. 78). Diana
had been allotted a suite consisting of a sitting room, bedroom, bathroom, and small kitchen, and
assigned a maid and footman (Smith, 2007, p. 100). Diana spent her days sewing, reading, and
watching television, while waiting for Prince Charles to come home to his apartment down the
corridor (Bradford, 2007, p. 78).
After her move to Buckingham Palace, Diana started to lose weight (Brown, 2008, p. 153). Her waist
shrank from 29 inches when the engagement was announced down to 23½ inches on her wedding
day (Morton, 2010, p. 119). Diana went into a dieting binge that lost her fourteen pounds between
March and July, which was to be the onset of a chronic bout of bulimia (Brown, 2008, p. 151). Diana
later said that her bulimia was first prompted by a chance remark by Prince Charles at the time of
the engagement, when he put his arm round her waist and joked, “Oh, a bit chubby here, aren’t
we?” and Diana could not live with the image of herself as chubby: she felt she could control her life
by forcing her body to lose weight (Bradford, 2007, p. 85). A crucial catalyst for Diana’s bulimia was
her preoccupation with her portrayal in the press (Smith, 2007, p. 110). Prince Charles was
desperately worried about how thin she was getting, but it was assumed that it had nothing to do
with the pressures of her new life (Brown, 2008, p. 156). No one, not even Prince Charles, knew that
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Diana suffered from severe bulimia nervosa from practically the moment they were engaged (Smith,
2007, p. 109).
The conventional wisdom is that Diana received “less training in her new job than the average
supermarket checkout operator,” but in reality she received a lot of help from the moment she
entered Buckingham Palace, and the most experienced courtiers were assigned to Diana, which was
a signal that the Queen wanted her to be thoroughly tutored (Smith, 2007, p. 102). However, despite
the stated willingness of people to help Diana, no one knew what to do with the first Princess of
Wales since before the First World War, as no one had thought of a real role for her beyond the fact
that she was to be the wife of the Prince of Wales (Bradford, 2007, p. 79). Members of the Royal
Family also taught Diana about the royal life, but those were mostly simple tips on royal behaviour,
and their approach was hardly systematic (Smith, 2007, p. 104). It was assumed that, since Diana
came from an aristocratic background and therefore was no stranger to large households, she would
cope well with the transition (Brown, 2008, p. 155). In much the same way as the rest of his family,
Prince Charles saw no particular need to coddle Diana, but he did make a sincere effort to give her
some pointers (Smith, 2007, p. 105). However, while Prince Charles was fond of Diana, he was
always busy and had little time to devote to her (Bradford, 2007, p. 81). Before her move to the
palace, Diana had thought that she could turn the determinedly dysfunctional Royal Family into a
warm and fuzzy replacement of her own broken family (Brown, 2008, p. 160).
Diana was frequently alone, as Prince Charles’s official duties took most of his time and just a month
after the engagement announcement he left for a five-week tour of Australia and New Zealand
(Bradford, 2007, p. 79). According to Smith (2007), Diana had enormous difficulty in dealing with
Prince Charles’s inflexible devotion to duty and she disliked his frequent absences and worried about
him whenever he was away. Diana could not understand why he could not stay with her and just do
what he wanted. Prince Charles thought that her objections were unreasonable, and he and his
close advisers tried to explain his obligations to her. Prince Charles’s constant absences deepened
Diana’s fears of abandonment and gave her far too much time alone to worry (p. 106). Her new life
was proving to be unexpectedly dreary, lonely, and intimidating (Bradford, 2007, p. 79). Diana
occupied her time with wedding preparations but much of the time she was by herself (Smith, 2007,
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