This eBook is designed and published by Planet pdf. For more free

Ulysses 

905 

of

 1305 

BELLO: Dungdevourer! 

BLOOM: (With sinews semiflexed) Magmagnificence! 

BELLO: Down! (He taps her on the shoulder with his fan) 

Incline feet forward! Slide left foot one pace back! You 

will fall. You are falling. On the hands down! 

BLOOM:  (Her eyes upturned in the sign of admiration, 

closing, yaps) Truffles! 

(With a piercing epileptic cry she sinks on all fours, grunting, 

snuffling, rooting at his feet: then lies, shamming dead, with eyes 

shut tight, trembling eyelids, bowed upon the ground in the 

attitude of most excellent master.) 

BELLO: (With bobbed hair, purple gills, fit moustache rings 

round his shaven mouth, in mountaineer’s puttees, green 

silverbuttoned coat, sport skirt and alpine hat with moorcock’s 

feather, his hands stuck deep in his breeches pockets, places his 

heel on her neck and grinds it in) Footstool! Feel my entire 

weight. Bow, bondslave, before the throne of your 

despot’s glorious heels so glistening in their proud 

erectness. 

BLOOM:  (Enthralled, bleats) I promise never to 

disobey. 

BELLO:  (Laughs loudly) Holy smoke! You little know 

what’s in store for you. I’m the Tartar to settle your little 

lot and break you in! I’ll bet Kentucky cocktails all round I 

---

Ulysses 

906 

of

 1305 

shame it out of you, old son. Cheek me, I dare you. If you 

do tremble in anticipation of heel discipline to be inflicted 

in gym costume. 

(Bloom creeps under the sofa and peers out through the fringe.) 

ZOE: (Widening her slip to screen her) She’s not here. 

BLOOM: (Closing her eyes) She’s not here. 

FLORRY:  (Hiding her with her gown) She didn’t mean 

it, Mr Bello. She’ll be good, sir. 

KITTY: Don’t be too hard on her, Mr Bello. Sure you 

won’t, ma’amsir. 

BELLO: (Coaxingly) Come, ducky dear, I want a word 

with you, darling, just to administer correction. Just a little 

heart to heart talk, sweety. (Bloom puts out her timid head) 

There’s a good girly now. (Bello grabs her hair violently and 

drags her forward) I only want to correct you for your own 

good on a soft safe spot. How’s that tender behind? O, 

ever so gently, pet. Begin to get ready. 

BLOOM: (Fainting) Don’t tear my ... 

BELLO:  (Savagely) The nosering, the pliers, the 

bastinado, the hanging hook, the knout I’ll make you kiss 

while the flutes play like the Nubian slave of old. You’re 

in for it this time! I’ll make you remember me for the 

balance of your natural life. (His forehead veins swollen, his 

face congested) I shall sit on your ottoman saddleback every 

---

Ulysses 

907 

of

 1305 

morning after my thumping good breakfast of Matterson’s 

fat hamrashers and a bottle of Guinness’s porter. (He 

belches) And suck my thumping good Stock Exchange 

cigar while I read the Licensed Victualler’s Gazette. Very 

possibly I shall have you slaughtered and skewered in my 

stables and enjoy a slice of you with crisp crackling from 

the baking tin basted and baked like sucking pig with rice 

and lemon or currant sauce. It will hurt you. (He twists her 

arm. Bloom squeals, turning turtle.) 

BLOOM: Don’t be cruel, nurse! Don’t! 

BELLO: (Twisting) Another! 

BLOOM: (Screams) O, it’s hell itself! Every nerve in my 

body aches like mad! 

BELLO:  (Shouts) Good, by the rumping jumping 

general! That’s the best bit of news I heard these six 

weeks. Here, don’t keep me waiting, damn you! (He slaps 

her face) 

BLOOM: (Whimpers) You’re after hitting me. I’ll tell ... 

BELLO: Hold him down, girls, till I squat on him. 

ZOE: Yes. Walk on him! I will. 

FLORRY: I will. Don’t be greedy. 

KITTY: No, me. Lend him to me. 

(The brothel cook, mrs keogh, wrinkled, greybearded, in a 

greasy bib, men’s grey and green socks and brogues, floursmeared, 

---

Ulysses 

908 

of

 1305 

a rollingpin stuck with raw pastry in her bare red arm and hand, 

appears at the door.) 

MRS KEOGH: (Ferociously) Can I help? (They hold and 

pinion Bloom.) 

BELLO:  (Squats with a grunt on Bloom’s upturned face, 

puffing cigarsmoke, nursing a fat leg) I see Keating Clay is 

elected vicechairman of the Richmond asylum and by the 

by Guinness’s preference shares are at sixteen three 

quaffers. Curse me for a fool that didn’t buy that lot Craig 

and Gardner told me about. Just my infernal luck, curse it. 

And that Goddamned outsider Throwaway at twenty to 

one.  (He quenches his cigar angrily on Bloom’s ear) Where’s 

that Goddamned cursed ashtray? 

BLOOM:  (Goaded, buttocksmothered) O! O! Monsters! 

Cruel one! 

BELLO: Ask for that every ten minutes. Beg. Pray for 

it as you never prayed before. (He thrusts out a figged fist and 

foul cigar) Here, kiss that. Both. Kiss. (He throws a leg astride 

and, pressing with horseman’s knees, calls in a hard voice) Gee 

up! A cockhorse to Banbury cross. I’ll ride him for the 

Eclipse stakes. (He bends sideways and squeezes his mount’s 

testicles roughly, shouting) Ho! Off we pop! I’ll nurse you in 

proper fashion. (He horserides cockhorse, leaping in the saddle) 

The lady goes a pace a pace and the coachman goes a trot 

---