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1.
to pass their whole lives in bitter deprivation,
2.
to become sex objects and playthings for lecherous men; or
3.
to become co-wives to men who are able to support more than one wife and who will treat them kindly.
Unquestionably, the last alternative is the correct solution, a healing remedy for this problem, and that is the
judgement of Islâm: And Who is better than Allâh in judgement, for a people who have certain faith? (5:53
(50))
For this is the Islâmic “polygamy” which people in the West consider so abhorrent and to which they react
with such hostility, while their own men are free to have any number of girlfriends, without restriction and
without any legal or moral accountability, either in respect to the woman or to the children she may bear as a
result of this irreligious and immoral plurality of extra-marital relationships. Let the two alternatives—plurality
of wives or plurality of illicit affairs — be compared, and let people ask themselves which is the proper
course of action, and which of the two groups is correctly guided!
The Relationship Between Husband and Wife
The Qur‘ân emphasizes the spiritual objectives of marriage, making them the foundations of marital life.
These objectives are realized in the peace of mind which comes through wholesome sexual experience with
the spouse whom one loves, in the enlargement of the circle of love and affection between the two families
united through marriage, and in the nurturing of affection and tenderness among the children under the
loving care of their parents. These are the objectives mentioned by Allâh Ta‘ala: And among His signs is that
He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell with them in tranquility, and He has
put love and mercy between you. Indeed, in this are signs for those who reflect. (30:21)
The Sexual Relationship
At the same time, the Qur‘ân does not neglect the sensual aspect and the physical relationship between
husband and wife. It guides human beings to the best path, fulfilling the demands of the sexual urge while
avoiding harmful or deviant practices.
It is reported that the Jews and Zoroastrians used to go to extremes in avoiding any physical contact with
menstruating women, while the Christians continue to have sexual relations with them without regard to the
flow of blood. The Arabs of the period of jahiliyyah would not eat, drink, or sit with women who were
menstruating and would send them to separate dwelling just as the Jews and Zoroastrians did.
Accordingly, some Muslims asked the Prophet (s.a.w.s.) about what is permitted and what is forbidden in
relation to menstruating women. The following verse was then revealed: And they ask thee about
menstruation. Say: It is a hurt, so refrain from women during their menstruation and do not approach them
until they are cleansed. And when they have cleansed themselves you may go in to them in the manner
ordained by Allâh; indeed, Allâh loves those who turn to Him and He loves those who are clean. (2:222)
Some people understood the phrase, “Refrain from women,” as meaning that they should not live together
in the same house during the menstrual periods. The Prophet (s.a.w.s.) then explained the correct meaning
of this verse, saying, I ordered you only to refrain from having intercourse with menstruating women and did
not tell you to send them out of the house as the foreigners do. When the Jews of Madinah heard this they
said, “This man does not like to leave any part of what we do unchanged, but does the opposite.” (‘Tafsir of
al-Razi, vol. 6, p. 66.)
Thus the Muslim can fondle and enjoy his menstruating wife, avoiding only the place of hurt. The Islâmic
position in this regard is, as always, a middle one, between the one extreme of expelling the menstruating
woman from the house and the other extreme of having intercourse with her.
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Recent medical researchers have discovered that the menstrual flow contains a toxic substance which, if
undischarged, may be harmful to the body. Likewise, they have discovered the reason why intercourse
should be avoided during this time. The reproductive organs become highly congested and the nerves very
sensitive due to the secretion of the internal glands; consequently, intercourse may irritate them, possibly
impeding the menstma1 flow and causing inflammation of the sexual organs.(See Al-Islâm wal-Tibb al-
Hadith (Islâm and Modern Medicine) by the late ‘Abdul ‘Aziz Isma‘il.)
Prohibited Intercourse
Concerning the sensual relationship, these words of Allâh Ta‘ala were revealed: Your wives are a tillage to
you, so go in to your tillage as you will, and send (ahead something) for your souls; and fear Allâh and know
that you will (one day) meet Him, and give glad tidings to the Believers. (2:223)
The Indian scholar, Waliullah Dehlavi, in explaining the Occasion of the revelation of this ayah and its
significance says: The Jews had unnecessarily restricted the postures of sexual intercourse without any
divine authority. The Ansar (of Madinah) being their friends, followed their practice and used to say, ‘If a man
has intercourse with his wife through the vagina while he is on her back, the child will have a squint.’ Thus
the verse, ‘So go in to your tillage as you will‘ was revealed; that is, it is immaterial whether the husband is
on top of his wife or on her back as long as intercourse is through the vagina, which constitutes the tillage.
This is so because these matters have nothing to do with religious or social policy but are entirely a matter of
personal taste. Such sayings were among the absurdities of the Jews and Allâh Ta‘ala abolished them.
(Hujjat Allâh al-Baligah, vol. 2, p. 134.)
It is not a function of religion to define the postures of sexual intercourse. However, a Muslim who fears Allâh
in his relationship with his wife and possesses the certainty that he will meet Him avoids the anus because
the Prophet (s.a.w.s.) said, “Do not approach women from the anus.” (Reported by Ahmad, al-Tirmidhî,al-
Nisai, and Ibn Mâjah.)
Again, he referred to such an act as “minor sodomy.” (Reported by Ahmad and al-Nisai.) A woman of the
Ansar asked him concerning vaginal intercourse from the back; he then recited to her, ‘Your wives are a filth
to you, so go in to your tilth as you will,‘ but with only one receptacle. (Reported by Ahmad.)
‘Umar came to him one day saying, “O Messenger of Allâh, I am ruined!” “What has ruined you?” asked
the Prophet (s.a.w.s.). He replied, “Last night I turned my wife over,” meaning that he had had vaginal
intercourse with her from the back. The Prophet (s.a.w.s.) did not say anything to him until the verse cited
above was revealed. Then he told him, “From the front or the back, but avoid the anus and intercourse
during menstruation.” (Reported by Ahmad and al-Tirmidhî)
Guarding the Secrets Between the Husband and Wife
The Qur‘ân praises virtuous wives,...Who are obedient, guarding in secret what Allâh has guarded....(4:34)
Among those secrets which must be guarded is the intimate relationship with the spouse which it would be
wrong to discuss in a gathering or speak about to friends. The Prophet (s.a.w.s.) said: Among those who will
occupy the worst position in the sight of Allâh on the Day of Resurrection is the man who has intercourse
with his wife and she with him, and then he spreads her secret. (Reported by Ahmad, Abû Daoud, and al-
Bazzar.)
Abû Hurairah narrated, Allâh’s Messenger (s.a.w.s.) led us in prayer, and when he had finished he turned
toward us and said, ‘Remain seated. Is there among you the man who comes to his wife, closes the door,
and draws the curtain, and then goes out and speaks about it, saying, “I did this and I did that with my wife?”
They remained silent. Then he turned toward the women and asked, ‘Is there among you one who tells
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