38
ţe stréc Metud sedl a napsal do
C.
Moravské orlice inzerát: "Nudíte se?
Kupte si mývala!" A od tý doby je
vyléčené z trudnomyslnosti."
"D. Jsu nějaké maróda."
"Jako Bóchalena," řekla jsem.
"D. Co to plandáte za zmaty?" rozkřičel se
strýc. "Bóchalena byla D. baba, co
práskala do sebe jabka, akorát ţe měla
vidění..."
"Z těch jablek?" vpadla jsem
"V. Prdlačky! Vidění, no baby mívají
vidění, z kostela měla vidění," kuckal se
strýc Pepin,"ţe nad naším městečkem letí
v noci veliké kůň a temu koňovi hořela
hříva a vocas, no a Bóchalena řekla tehdá:
Bude válka, a ta válka taky byla, ale
Francine, to loni
G. bylo naše městečko
auf! Baby padaly
na kolena, já to viděl taky, nad náměstím a
nad kostelem letěl Jéţíšek!
Ale pak se to vysvětlilo,
ten
D. malinké pakátl Lolan pásl beránky,
a jak cvičily
D. ajroplány a táhly za sebó takové
pytel a
do teho se střílelo z G. mašinkvéro, tak
zapomněli na lano, a to lano, jak šlo po
zemi, tak se omotalo o nohu Lolana, to je
túze pěkný dítě, s bíléma vláskama, a jak
ten ajroplán šel vzhůru, šlo i to lano a s
ním i Lolan, a nad naším městečkem letěl
vzduchem Lolan, ale baby myslely, ţe to
letí Jeţíšek, no kór kdyţ to lano zavadilo o
lípy u kostela a teď Jeţíšek padal jako
stréc Zavičák z větve na větev, a na zem
spadl Lolan a povídá: Kde jsó mí beránci?
a baby klekaly, aby jim poţehnal."
furnishing and the feather quilt and the
linen in the commode, that Uncle Metud
sat down and wrote him an ad to C. The
Moravian Eagle: Suffer from boredom?
Get yourself a racoon! And ever since
then he's been cured of his melancholia."
"D. I'm no quite one hundred percent."
"Like Bóchalena," I said.
"D. What nonsense are you blethering?"
Uncle Pepin brought into a shout: "
Bóchalena was just D. a poor old thing
that crammed herself with apples, except
she also had visions..."
"Was it the apples?" I interrupted.
"
V. Bollocks! Visions, these old lassies
get visions, she got it from the church,"
Uncle Pepin said choking, "a great big
horse flying in the night over our wee
town, and the mane and tail of that horse
blazing with fire, well and as Bochalena
said at the time, 'It'll be war', and it was
war too, but Francin lad, last year the
whole town G. was in a right tizz! The old
women were falling down on their knees,
I saw it too, over the square and over the
church, this baby Jesus figure flying
through the air! But the it all came out,
that D. tootsy wee chappie Lolan had
been out watching his lambs, and the D.
airyplanes exercising overhead, lugging
after them some kind of punchbag and
potting at it with their G. popguns, they
clean forgot about the rope, you see, and
as it dangled along the ground, so it got
tangled up all round Lolan's leg, and him
a braw wee child too, with his dainty fair
hair, and as the airyplanes flew upwards,
the rope went up and Lolan with it, and
right over our wee town Lolan went,
flying through the air, but the old women
they thought it was baby Jesus, specially
when the rope got hooked up on a lime
tree by the church, and this baby Jesus
fell down like Uncle Zavičák, tumbling
39
"Ale co to Si. capete jak mladý straky?"
křičel strýc. Gr. "Povídám, takovýho
dodavetele kdyby císař potkal na kole, tak
mu vezme..."
"To kolo," řekla jsem.
"V. Prdlačky! Ten titul a ze štítu toho
vorla!"
"V. Prdlačky!", řval strýc Pepin, "co to
tady capete
Si. jak malý děcko?"
"
V. Hovno!" zakřičel strýc Pepin, "Látal
byl učitel! Loni Gr. se zřítil z prvního
poschodí, kdyţ vykládal, co to je čas
rovnoměrné...a ţe to je, jako kdyţ vlak
jede jede jede jede jede jede...a Látal sekal
oběma rukama a jako vlak poskakoval k
votevřenýmu volenu,
D. a z teho volena vypadl a celá třída se
radostně nahrnula k volenu, jistě si pan
učitel zpřelámal nohy v tulipánech, ale
Látal už tam nebyl, obešel to dvorem a po
schodech nahoru a zase, vlak jede jede
jede...a tak zase vstoupil do třídy za zády
ţáků, kteří se vykláněli z volena."
"Mercinu si vzal stréc Vaňura, ten kuchař,
jak jezdil G. balkáncukem, ten bydlel tady
v Čechách, někde v C. Mnichově
from branch to branch, and then wee
Lolan falls to earth and says 'Where are
all my poor lambs?" and the old women
knelt down for him to bless them."
"What
Si. are you twittering on about, u
twittering magpie?" Uncle shouted.
Gr.
"I'm telling you, if the Emperor met the
likes of your court-appointed supplier
riding on a bicycle he'd have taken his..."
"Bicycle off him," I said.
"V. Bollocks! Taken his court appointment
off him and the eagle out of his crest!"
"V. Bollocks!" roared Uncle Pepin. "What
are you twittering on about
Si. like a silly
bairn?"
"V. Balls!" Uncle Pepin cried. "Latal the
school-teacher! Last year
Gr. he fell out
of a first floor classroom right in the
middle of demonstrating uniform time
and motion...like it's when a train just
keeps chugging along and along and
along and along...and Latal struck out
with both arms flailing and like a train he
pounded along over to the open window,
and then he fell D. right out the window,
and the whole class rushed gleefully to
the window, surely teacher must've broken
both his legs in the tulip bed, but Latal
wasna there, he'd cut round the yard and
nipped up the stair, and again, there his
train was, chugging along and along and
along...and in he came to the classroom,
behind the backs of the schoolkids that
was still leaning out of the window."
"Mercina's the one married Uncle Vaňura,
chef on the
G. Balkan express, ye know,
lived in Bohemia, hereabouts, somewhere